Chi has travelled across the lands

ß

2011-02-05T11:31:00.000+11:00

Ah, you might say, Beta? Are you being Beta-tested mo? Wrong. It's the Eszett.

Eszett for life motherfluffer*.

I wanted to draw to your attention what it is I exactly do on the internet. Most of the time I read informative articles on the world, on specific topics, whatever. But I'm not talking that. I'm talking fun stuff. And here are three I want to point out in particular.

First off, IT'S TEAM GENIUS!

They have a short series that is full of awesomeness, and are currently uploading season 2 to Youtube.

Second, IT'S THE YOGSCAST!

That video doesn't give justice to how awesome these guys' series are. They play a whole bunch of games, including WoW, Fallout: New Vegas, Minecraft, and whatever comes out, and they are just freaken hilarious about it.

Third, IT'S CR1TIKAL!

Just watch him.

Gotta go, keep reading Josh's posts, he is a very funny man and he likes it when people read them, it makes his man-love for Chi have purpose.

-mo

*josh doesn't like me swearing. he threatens me with johnny gan.

CNY Present...

2011-02-03T10:07:00.001+11:00

So, since I'm not married, I can't give each of the readers a red packet.

However, I can give you 'Asian' media to watch! Hope you enjoy Johnny Gan LOL. Courtesy of my cousins from Melbourne.

Pongo may or may not be chasing after Chi. You'd be surprised, Pongo is fast on his feet.

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

-Josh

Chinese New Year!

2011-02-02T16:36:00.000+11:00

So, it's Chinese New Year's Eve! A new year has never really begun until Of course, since the readers of this blog may or may not have seen me, and thus may or may not be completely unaware of my ethnic background. Though ordinarily, in honour of Mr Yeo and the secrecy surrounding his own ethnicity, I would keep this in the dark (Did I say dark? How racist.), the occasion demands this revelation. Yes sir, I am an ABC. I love KFC, with a side of SPC. I play on PS3's. I bank with ANZ and insure stuff with NIB. Sure, I don't mind AFL, but support NRL - no betting with TAB however. Love UFC - especially playing on PS3. Yes, I am certainly an ABC. QED.

Anyway, in welcoming in the new year as the Year of the Rabbit, I thought I'd point out some key reasons why rabbits are awesome.

1. 'Rabbit' is a cool word. Say 'rabbit' 20 times and you start to say 'ribbit'. And we know that frogs are awesome, as proven by Jiraiya and Naruto. Clearly a cool word.
2. Rabbits are cute and furry. Exhibit A:

3. Rabbits are smart, as shown by Bugs Bunny (its a rabbit, not a hare. I asked him personally). Seriously, aside from his mad evasion skills, that guy can make a mean speech.
4. Rabbits taught Chi specialised travelling skills: Scurrying, jumping, pouncing, and most importantly, hopping (which, in turn gave birth to many derivatives like hopscotch, hip hop, Hopawarty).
5. Rabbits are celebrated in popular media - Alice in Wonderland and The Matrix.
6. Rabbits have mad reproduction skills.
7. Rabbits are clean creatures: Not only do they groom themselves, but did you know that rabbits cannot vomit? Also, Bugs Bunny pays close attention to his personal hygiene.
8. Even if you don't like rabbits, you could kill them if you must. Then you can eat them - Yum! Even in death, they are selfless creatures.

I'll leave it at that: Eight's a lucky number, right? Even though its 2 times 4.

Hope everyone has a Happy Chinese New Year!

-Josh

If a European guy asks you where Parameter Road is...

2011-01-21T23:45:00.000+11:00

I've had this 'invitation' on facebook for a while now: 'Compliment a Stranger' day. To the untrained eye, this may seem...nice. I hate to be a pain, but I do have a few minor problems with it. Firstly, 'stranger danger'. How could such a well established statement be wrong? More importantly, it rhymes - stranger rhymes with danger, and danger with stranger, (and manger, but not hanger) - and this makes its truthfulness resonate universally.

However, its deception is more subtle. It presumes that we all innately are able to deliver compliments with ease. Of course, this may be true for some. For example, Mo - he has been knighted (I think by the Queen...Or was it by the band...Wait, was he actually knighted?) for his 72 minute long speech, where every sentence was a compliment. But for others, paying compliments may not be our strong suit.

Anyway, why should we keep compliments to a single day? We should compliment people everyday! Maybe just not to strangers - be strong and please, stay away from the candy. Regardless, I thought I'd provide three simple ground rules for making compliments, as a guide for the kind-hearted readers of this blogs (yes, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you are kind-hearted. It's a safe assumption given that there is probably no-one actually reading this blog - I know I wouldn't be).

Rule 1: There's never a bad time to pay a compliment!

Example: Hey man, cool haircut! Oh, it's like that cos you're balding? At least you won't have to pay for haircuts in the future!

Chi was the first to test drive this compliment. He soon discovered the man was a Russian bounty hunter: the feared 'Balding Boris'. And yes, he's been skiing down the slopes, dodging bullets, running for his life - you know, all that jazz. Man, Chi gets to travel so much...

Rule 2: If the situation is awkward, remedy it with a compliment!

[Your friend (party-er wannabe) finds out he wasn't invited to a party on the weekend hosted by a mutual friend (Hoster of Party/Parties). A confrontation ensues...so say something along the lines of...]

Example: Hey, by the way, great party! (then whisper to other friend: No it wasn't really a great party, I'm just trying to pay a compliment...but good job on the assignment over the weekend!)

Double compliment = Double diffusion of awkwardness.

Rule 3: Honest compliments are always the best compliments.

Example: You know what? You look really good with make up on. Much better than...well, you know. Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch better. [For some reason, immediately after making this comment, I impulsively sprinted away. The oddities of life.]

Anyway, I'm off, happy complimenting!

-Josh

P.S. Before I forget this story I was told: My friend had a European guy as his Engineering teacher back in high school. There was this one day where the whole class was racking their brains to figure out what the teacher was talking about. The teacher kept saying (with a strong accent) 'Do you know where Parameter Road is? I need to get to Parameter Road tonight.' Finally, they figured out that he meant 'Parramatta', just pronouncing it terribly.

Sherlock Holmes was in fact the murderer?! I must have missed that part...

2011-01-19T13:21:00.001+11:00

Last week, to my great disappointment, I discovered a fatal flaw in the game 'Cluedo'. I was running around from room to room, making all these wild accusations about the other civilised members around the table. Candlestick this, wrench that. Firstly, this is completely not in my character. I'd never make an accusation without some sort of fact base. C'mon, who does that?

'So, at 9:55pm last night, did I not see you dancing with the deceased in the ballroom? A salsa, if I recall correctly? Where was I at the time, you ask? Hm...let me think...oh yes, I was having a marathon match of snooker in the billards room with Mr Green! Oh dear...okay, accusation withdrawn. BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU MR GREEN?! Oh that's right, snooker match, got it...'

But what vexed me the most was the fact that in this game, I was apparently the murderer. How does one forget killing the Professor with a knife in the kitchen?? Obviously, if I knew this fact, I would have done the smart thing and run off the game board away from all these crazed crime-solving yuppies, gone to Monopoly, jumped into the car and rented a place to sleep in. (Not Mayfair of course; I'm too Asian for that.) Stupid lousy communist game.

Though flawed, just like communism taught us something, we can also learn things from Cluedo. The murderer was Mrs White, and probably will always be Mrs White. This is why I don't trust amiable elderly ladies on the street.

And I didn't get to say this last post: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

-Josh

Even Chi is sometimes forced to travel. Clearly, there is something wrong with our world.

2011-01-17T16:28:00.000+11:00

It came to my attention that one unnamed author of this blog UNEXPECTEDLY DITCHED the audience of this blog (for example, Chi. Actually, he stopped reading the blog long ago, as a weak act of defiance. The blog drew so much attention to him, many unwholesome organisations invested millions of dollars to determine who or what this 'Chi' was. At least he got some practice in travelling - away from multiple assassins and spies. Despite being hunted down, his main concern seems to be, and I quote: "Now how am I supposed to get a job???").

Furthermore, the other unnamed author of the blog LIED MALICIOUSLY to the audience of this blog (for example, Chi. Not again - force of habit), claiming there would be more posts in the near future.

Upon careful discussion with the other author of this blog, we realised our foolishness. As moral, upright Australian citizens, we couldn't stand idly by while our faithful audience felt abandoned and deceived (most importantly, deceived). We decided to atone for these past wrongs. Make amends as it were. Seek repentance. Make up for these atrocities.

Then we suffered some technical difficulties (we lost the password to access the blog).

...

BUT, NOW WITH PASSWORD IN HAND, WE ARE BACK!!!

!!!

!!!

And, we're gone again. Goodbye!

-Josh

P.S. At least this time, we said goodbye. Stay tuned for our next episode, which may or may not contain some actual content!

just a conversation between the blog author and... himself. stay tuned for rekindled blog!

2010-12-02T23:40:00.000+11:00

11:09:11 PM	Joshua	LOL
11:09:12 PM	Joshua	LOLOL
11:09:14 PM	Joshua	vicarious
11:09:17 PM	Joshua	jealousy
11:09:19 PM	Joshua	thats a new one
11:09:21 PM	mo e	uhh
11:09:27 PM	mo e	vicarious
11:09:28 PM	Joshua	damn you
11:09:28 PM	mo e	thats a term
11:09:30 PM	mo e	ive only heard
11:09:33 PM	Joshua	i tried to repackage
11:09:33 PM	mo e	in commercial law class
11:09:36 PM	Joshua	the same thing
11:09:40 PM	Joshua	as jealousy
11:09:43 PM	Joshua	and see if u bought it
11:09:51 PM	mo e	lol
11:09:52 PM	Joshua	vicarious
11:09:53 PM	mo e	no you just
11:09:54 PM	mo e	confused me
11:09:57 PM	Joshua	u know what that is right?
11:10:01 PM	Joshua	ms mason
11:10:03 PM	Joshua	loved that word
11:10:05 PM	mo e	i dont know the definition of the adjective
11:10:05 PM	Joshua	i would know
11:10:15 PM	Joshua	i had to cope with 2 years of her
11:10:17 PM	mo e	i only know 'vicarious liability'
11:10:21 PM	Joshua	LOL
11:10:26 PM	mo e	and even then i can barely remember what that means
11:10:30 PM	Joshua	well
11:10:32 PM	Joshua	vicarious
11:10:36 PM	Joshua	is like
11:10:40 PM	Joshua	through another body
11:10:43 PM	Joshua	vicarious experience
11:10:53 PM	Joshua	u experience it through some1 else experiencing it
11:10:55 PM	mo e	makes me think of a vicar :\|
11:11:02 PM	Joshua	though u were not there
11:11:03 PM	Joshua	obviously
11:11:09 PM	Joshua	oitherwise u would experience it
11:11:13 PM	Joshua	independent of them
11:11:17 PM	Joshua	so like
11:11:20 PM	mo e	ohhhh
11:11:21 PM	Joshua	people who do not go to annua
11:11:23 PM	mo e	so it does make sense
11:11:23 PM	Joshua	annual
11:11:25 PM	mo e	for a vicar
11:11:30 PM	Joshua	experience it vicariously through our retelling
11:11:34 PM	mo e	ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
11:11:37 PM	mo e	ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
11:11:39 PM	Joshua	LOL
11:11:44 PM	mo e	mind-flow of knowledge!
11:11:59 PM	Joshua	U UNDERSTOOD THE WORD VICARIOUS, VICARIOUSLY
11:12:02 PM	Joshua	oh baby
11:12:04 PM	mo e	oh god
11:12:06 PM	mo e	that is meta
11:12:07 PM	Joshua	LOL
11:12:13 PM	Joshua	meta-gay
11:12:17 PM	Joshua	thats the new in-word
11:12:20 PM	mo e	uhhh
11:12:21 PM	mo e	thats just
11:12:22 PM	mo e	gay
11:12:26 PM	Joshua	no
11:12:28 PM	Joshua	meta-gay
11:12:28 PM	Joshua	lololol
11:12:32 PM	mo e	no im saying
11:12:34 PM	Joshua	what does that mean
11:12:34 PM	mo e	meta-gay
11:12:36 PM	mo e	is gay
11:12:39 PM	Joshua	no
11:12:41 PM	Joshua	its meta-gay
11:12:44 PM	mo e	oh
11:12:48 PM	mo e	so meta-gay is meta-gay
11:12:52 PM	Joshua	yessir
11:12:55 PM	Joshua	thus the meta
11:12:59 PM	mo e	but
11:13:02 PM	Joshua	(once again, what is meta)
11:13:04 PM	mo e	if meta-gay is meta-gay
11:13:05 PM	mo e	then its not
11:13:07 PM	mo e	meta-gay
11:13:10 PM	Joshua	yes
11:13:17 PM	Joshua	thus the antithesis
11:13:20 PM	Joshua	of meta-gayness
11:13:34 PM	Joshua	(again, what is meta???)
11:13:46 PM	mo e	meta is meta
11:13:46 PM	Joshua	this is meta-lame
11:13:50 PM	Joshua	not knowing what meta means
11:13:51 PM	mo e	its very meta-lame
11:14:00 PM	Joshua	meta-mundane
11:14:06 PM	Joshua	meta-train
11:14:12 PM	Joshua	city rail is meta-gay
11:14:16 PM	Joshua	u know its true
11:14:22 PM	mo e	no its just gay
11:14:31 PM	Joshua	u mean
11:14:33 PM	Joshua	meta-gay
11:14:35 PM	mo e	no
11:14:37 PM	mo e	i really mean
11:14:38 PM	mo e	cityrail
11:14:40 PM	mo e	is gay
11:14:42 PM	Joshua	lolol
11:14:52 PM	Joshua	damn u
11:14:56 PM	Joshua	and not embracing meta
11:15:00 PM	mo e	its GAYBAR
11:15:03 PM	mo e	GAYBARGAYBAR
11:15:04 PM	Joshua	u win this round
11:15:05 PM	Joshua	lololol
11:15:06 PM	Joshua	gaybarrrrr
11:15:12 PM	Joshua	okay
11:15:14 PM	Joshua	meta won't make it
11:15:18 PM	mo e	well
11:15:20 PM	Joshua	its dead and buried
11:15:20 PM	mo e	ill give meta
11:15:21 PM	mo e	its due
11:15:24 PM	mo e	when meta is meta
11:15:26 PM	mo e	but josh
11:15:29 PM	Joshua	meta is just
11:15:31 PM	Joshua	a cool word
11:15:33 PM	mo e	cityrail is just gay
11:15:36 PM	Joshua	lol
11:15:36 PM	Joshua	yessir
11:15:37 PM	Joshua	it is
11:15:44 PM	mo e	whereas
11:15:50 PM	mo e	what did we say was meta-gay before?
11:15:58 PM	Joshua	meta-gay is meta-gay
11:16:05 PM	Joshua	thus antithesis arises
11:16:43 PM	mo e	this is a bit of a ros and guil moment
11:16:51 PM	mo e	lets cherish it
11:16:51 PM	Joshua	yes
11:16:52 PM	Joshua	quite
11:16:54 PM	Joshua	hahahaha
11:16:55 PM	Joshua	yay
11:16:57 PM	Joshua	we managed it
11:16:59 PM	Joshua	all on our own
11:17:07 PM	mo e	but what does it mean?
11:17:10 PM	Joshua	did we?
11:17:15 PM	mo e	didn't we?
11:17:24 PM	Joshua	how can it be?
11:17:52 PM	mo e	it can't
11:17:56 PM	Joshua	=(
11:18:06 PM	Joshua	weren't we fighting?
11:18:09 PM	Joshua	damn you
11:18:12 PM	mo e	uhh
11:18:13 PM	Joshua	and ending the game
11:18:16 PM	mo e	lol
11:18:20 PM	mo e	sorry
11:18:23 PM	Joshua	hahaha
11:18:24 PM	Joshua	nw
11:18:27 PM	Joshua	r+g
11:18:29 PM	mo e	ive played enough games in my time (H)
11:18:31 PM	Joshua	destined to fail eventually
11:18:34 PM	Joshua	lol
11:18:34 PM	Joshua	ok
11:18:38 PM	mo e	well they didnt have a choice
11:18:39 PM	mo e	did they
11:18:54 PM	Joshua	nein
11:19:26 PM	mo e	ack ja
11:19:35 PM	Joshua	jack?
11:19:51 PM	Joshua	i r confused
11:19:56 PM	mo e	im being german ffs

The Iberian Peninsula

2010-08-01T01:39:00.002+10:00

I have rediscovered the joy of reading a book.

Prior to uni beginning last year I decided I'd expand my mind and read, not just fantasy which I always loved, but other shit, because, I reasoned, most people don't really like fantasy, so there must be something good in more real stuff. I read a book called 'Half of a Yellow Sun', which still now has left an effect on me, but it was too serious and dire to really enjoy. Then I tried another contemporary, 'The Slap', which was just horsecrap. Commonwealth book of the year, and it's like reading a cheap soap opera. I gave up on reading after that.

But I had another go a few weeks ago. I looked at my bookshelf, filled with fantasy books I never ended up reading. Most of these I got when my interest in Lord of the Rings and Diablo (yes Diablo) was heightened. I got recommendations for those from a bunch of people older than me and more vested in fantasy than I, about what I'd like, tending towards epic high fantasy and sword and sorcery style. This was about early/mid high school. Anyway, I settled on 'Magician' by Raymond E Feist. And I was pleasantly surprised. I was kinda swept up in the story of it all, it was terrifically creative and imaginative, also considering this was written in the 70s/80s (I don't really remember).

I'm tired so I'm just gonna finish with there is nothing wrong with fantasy. It's fucken awesome, ok?

Anyway thats all, not an exciting post but you're not paying for this so you can't complain.

bye.
-mo

Adelaide, you discriminate against monkeys as well?!

2010-06-20T14:10:00.000+10:00

After J.Lee watched Aladdin 2 nights ago, he has been going on about getting a pet monkey (he decided that getting a pet tiger was a little too ambitious, even for him). But, he just screamed out (like, literally 1 minute ago), 'Ah CRAP, you can't get a pet monkey in South Australia. And they cost $1500'. lolololololol.

I know I say this quite frequently, but DAYAM, Hot Fuzz, greatest movie. Is it wrong for me to rank multiple movies as greatest movies? The short answer would be yes.

The long answer you ask? Probably also yes...

Regardless, it made me laugh so hard seeing the old granny copping a flying kick to the face. There are few situations, real or imagined, where one could marvel at such a spectacle. It was truly amazing.

However, life ain't all fun and games. I've still got exams looming. But it seems, by Monday night, Mo will have finished all his exams! (yes, I know what you're thinking - what a fag) So, in the perspective of you, the reader, I guess Mosh is halfway to the end of exams. So hurray! Sorta...

Okay, back to work. But before you go back to work, if you haven't watched this already, look up on youtube 'pigeon cyanide and happiness'. So epic. So very epic.

Cya!

Josh

Good ol' Wongs.

2010-06-14T20:12:00.000+10:00

lol, I was in the middle of watching 'Fearless'. The main character refused to drink the wine offered by his friend. Upon the inquisitive look of his friend, he responds 'I must right the wongs of my past'. lololol, Wongs. One must recognise this is an Asian film, and who knows which of the many Wong's he may have insulted e.g. Arthur. Or Nathan.

Anyway, that's it for now. Back to 'Fearless'.

Oh, exams you say? Yeah, in the middle of Stuvac. Thus, 'Fearless'. I'll seeya later.

Why am I not studying? Well, I have been. Damn biology. It can die in a fire. And therefore, I arrived at the same conclusion: 'Fearless'. Good day to you.

Good luck for semester exams, seeya during the break =)

Josh

Vodkaing out of a sticky situation

2010-06-02T17:06:00.001+10:00

Watching Flight of the Conchords (great show - Dilmah, do try it) has made me think about many things. For example, if a person of the same gender as you were to say 'If I was batting for the other team, I'd go for you', is that a compliment? If you just said yes, then I must ask another question: Is it really? Not that someone in my cohort said that to me today after lunch.

Anyway, I open with such a thought to emphasise how good life is right now. My greatest concern is a potentially gaybar situation - which was hypothetical, of course; mere speculations.

Speaking of tricky situations, my friend Konrad recently told us how hard life was in Communist Russia for his parents. In order for Konrad to be where he is right now (i.e. alive), his dad had to bribe a doctor to help Konrad's mum give birth. Konrad's life, quite literally, cost his dad two good bottles of vodka. Really good bottles, according to Konrad. Lol, good ol' drunk Russian people. That's why this blog entry is dedicated to you. Or maybe Chi deserves it...'Chiing out of a sticky situation'...it almost looks like Skiing. Surely Chi has used skiing as a form of travelling.

So, considering I'm not living in Communist Russia, but living in Adelaide - wait, they do bear a few similarities. For example, they don't have any Krispy Kreme stores - and that can only mean one thing: The iron hand of Communism. You know it's true. But, guess what, I've done Chi and Mr Chandra Handa proud: I transcended this boundary, and ate a real life Krispy Kreme donut yesterday! Michelle's parents travelled across lands from Melbourne to see her, and brought the KKK (no, not the Ku Klux Klan. Hint: the first K is Kontainer).

Well, the point of the matter is life is swimming/skiing/Chiing along quite smoothly. AND I'm gonna be playing touch footy tomorrow wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Sounds like a plan.

Anyway, I better get back to work. Best of luck for exams, Sydney siders! I'll see you on the other side. You stay classy Sydney (Yes, I watched Anchorman last week. One question: How do I spell 'Greatest film?')

Josh

Gays and Cereal...sounds like the name of an Indy rock band.

2010-05-18T21:09:00.000+10:00

'Where did you get that shirt? Faggots-R-US??'

lololol. Dent kids quoting from some video. Gay man just got snapped.

Also, speaking of gays, the gay guy in our year got a bit...handsy on the pub crawl, and started kissing everyone. Franco, who was a bit tipsy at the time, nearly punched him out as a result. You'd immediately think 'wow, temper issues' and back away from the angry man (but it's Franco - he's a good guy). But then straight after, we're walking along a pedestrian crossing, and midway Arun decides to do some pushups. LOL.

The moral of that story: If it were anyone but Franco, Gay man would really have gotten snapped, knuckle sandwich style.

But we must move away from gay people right now. I'm here just to say hi to all those lovely people in Sydney. Yes, I am in Adelaide; yes, I am still alive (your feeble attempts to kill me will not go unpunished); and finally yes, you are quite correct in observing my consuming food, of the cereal variety. Because, if there's one thing that's keeping me going in Adelaide, it is the sweet taste, pleasant aroma and highly assessible nature of cereal. In particular, Cornflakes. Because it is $6.42 for 750g, unbeatable value.

Unfortunately, I don't have time to explore the awesomeness of cereal. Busy week, sadface =(. And I really must finish this bowl of cereal.

Back to work, peon style.

Cya later!

Josh

WOD

2010-05-14T16:39:00.000+10:00

A man on a mission you say? Or did I say it? Regardless, clarification may be necessary: when you/I say 'a man', it should be noted that this man is me. Not a general 'man' ('general man' *followed by salute*), cos that would be way to broad. Because I am on a mission: to stop saying 'frick' [henceforth 'Word of death' or WOD].

See, the youthful readers of this blog only see a small slice of me, and as a result, are rewarded with ecstacy (at low low street prices). Yet, they are unaware of the unimportant, yet overtly important fact that I say [WOD] quite frequently. Or rather incessantly. It's gotten to a point where people around me have caught on, where a mate of mine recently texted 'Dude, where the [WOD] are you'. Sure, he said that partly out of courtesy, in the place of a swear word (which has saved me much time and effort to transcribe the text message: this family friendly blog refuses to accept profanities and nonsensical words like 'abciximab'...HOLY CRAP THAT'S A WORD, WHAT KIND OF RETARD TEACHER AT HIS RETARD SCHOOL TAUGHT HIM TO SPELL WORDS). Anyway, long story short, or in fact, no story at all, abciximab is the most stupid word in the history of man kind. Worst. word. ever.

Did I recount a completely redundant story merely to bag out that word abciximab? Um...yes. I think I just did.

In other news, I've successfully gotten some of my friends to say 'gaybar' even more frequently than I do. lololol.

Speaking of gay, I have a sad revelation. I asked the gay guy in my year if he faced towards or away from the shower. He said towards the shower head. =(. So that was very mega sad. Goodbye Shower head Theory, may you sprinkle joy on someone else's head in the future.

Okay, back to work. Still crossing my fingers that Sarbin will come out to Pub Crawl with us. A man can dream. Oh yes, he can. And that man is me. On a mission by the way. Well, not really.

Josh

Kushka

2010-05-08T17:27:00.006+10:00

It is without a doubt that I speak from the bottom of my heart when I say

Hello.

However when I say

How are you?

I definitely don't mean it.

Thinking about blogging made me think: What have people suggested that I blog about? There are so many things, so I'm just going to put them all into one spot (an anagram for post woo).

I get really pissed off at the fact that LMFAO get most of the credit for "Let the Bass Kick in Miami Bitch", and Chuckie rarely gets a mention. I'm sure everyone's heard the mashup:

This is a combination of Chuckie's song "Let the Bass Kick" and LMFAO's "I'm in Miami Bitch". Dunno who orchestrated it, so let's say it was equal involvement. However, LMFAO are by far the more popular guys out of the 2 'groups' (Chuckie's just one guy).

Let's look at the originals.

So let me know which you think is better. I think Chuckie's song is way way better and LMFAO's song is just boring. And this is why I get pissed off at Chuckie's lack of credit for the popular mashup.

Quick lighthearted moment.

Ok I promise there will be less youtube in this colour. Mr Adelaide can't watch youtube because he doesn't understand how to circumvent uni nets. I think I know who will survive the great aussie firewall. So how do I feel? I am contented at the moment people. It's very comforting to know where your spot in life lies after arguing about it with yourself for many a time. And I continue to live one day at a time. I don't like to know in advance where the sunshine and rain takes me. But it takes me to good places.

Some mindless propaganda with cool music.

And finally, some amazing jazz rap to get your ears chillin'.

-mo

So Counterstrike, in a trenchcoat, standing outside your door. What do you do, GO.

2010-05-05T20:02:00.001+10:00

So. I just started doing my tutorial worksheet, just minding my own business and trudging along. Then there's a knock on my door:

"Counterstrike????" says PJ (Pharmacy Josh; I'm apparently DJ as a result), with a corny smile on his face and holding a perfect 'ta-da!' pose. Thus the title: reminds me of those guys from How I met your Mother. Steaksauceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

So Counterstrike is now installing on my computer. Your accusing eyes are hurtful, but won't change a thing. I've already done the click OK to continue; there's officially no going back now. Anyway, since I've put work on pause, I thought I may as well do a quick blog post.

It's just started raining over here. And I believe it's a cry for justice. For example, Tuesday morning: I'm in a 8am Periodontology lecture, listening to the lecturer, when suddenly, she stops her lecture and says 'Looks like someone is sleepy', looking right at me. It must be noted that
a) It's an 8am lecture, of course most people in the room are sleepy.
b) Despite the sound logic of (a), I'm not sleeping; I'm not even half-sleeping, or daydreaming, or simply not paying attention (I got a good 8 hours of sleep). In fact, I'm listening to what she has been saying and I'm LOOKING RIGHT BACK AT HER.
So, of course, I don't flinch, and assume she's talking about someone else. But then, she's like 'You, in the glasses.' WHAT THE HELL. I'm just sitting there, stunned mullet, followed by a long 'Errrrrrrrrrr, are you serious...". Did she not read a): there are a tonne of other people who her statement may apply to, but not frigging me, not at that moment WHEN IM FRIGGING LOOKING RIGHT AT HER. Once again, rain. Hand of Justice awaits. Hopefully to smack her in the face.

Anyway, I've gotta start playing CS.

Oh, in spite of the angry capitalised letters, I'm not angry. The next lecture, we were introduced to the beta blocker 'proponolol'. lololol. lolololololol.

Cya later!

Josh

V for Vomgoshmymindjustexploded!

2010-05-01T23:51:00.000+10:00

Disclaimer: This is a short intermission from normal blog broadcasts in light of recent media which I have viewed these past days.

V FOR VENDETTA, OMGOSH, JUST FINISHED WATCHING IT, IT WAS LEGEN- WAIT FOR IT... DARY! Yes, I've also been watching my fair share of How I met your Mother.

Two mind explosions in one day. Finished watching Fight Club just before lunch, had a similar reaction to the one above.

I'm aware that the artsy fartsy, pendantic smantic readers who essentially pride themselves as Movie critics will be thinking I'm
(a) behind the times; these are epicly old films, and
(b) Making a big fuss over nothing too special, it's just Fight Club and V for Vendetta.
And to those people, I say (a) I'm living in Adelaide; things are a little backwards here, and (b) Take back those filthy evil lying liar lies, they were awesome movies.

Anyway, I'm going to sleep. Okay, clearly that was a lie, I still need to recuperate from the MASSIVE MIND EXPLOSION. Remedy: more How I met your Mother, I think that will do the trick.

Josh

Irongut

2010-04-27T19:30:00.002+10:00

I just experienced my first encounter with 'Irongut', featuring Konrad and Michelle. Pretty much, you get 'points' for doing a challenge, and the number of 'points' rewarded is assigned by a group of professional and learned judges. See, I put 'points' in inverted commas because I am yet to discover what purpose, or function these magical 'points' offer. And I don't think the contestants of Irongut quite know either. I bet they're doing it just to show their face on TV. Maybe so Chi will know who my friends are at college and thus by-pass the casual 2000km stroll to Adelaide and back. Anyway, to compete against Jen's gallant skull of a cup of tomato sauce, for 2 points, Konrad swallowed a 3/4 tablespoon of pepper, no water on the side (it was supposed to be 1 tablespoon, but while dishing out the pepper, we decided we were neither inhumane nor sadistic and thus relented), followed by a three point play: Michelle downing a cup of a milk-chilli sauce mix, 3:2 ratio, with a hint of pavlova. Yes, it was mega disgusting.

So you may be asking: You haven't blogged in ages. Why are you back? Instinctively, my first question would be 'Who the hell are you', then 'have you noticed that when you speak, it gets transcribed in italics? That's so cool', followed by the more polite answer 'I'm trying to get back into a regular blog habit'. It's building one of those good habits: like flossing every night (even though I'm currently reading an article which concludes 'that a routine instruction to use floss is not supported by scientific evidence (Berchier, 2008).' Take that referencing Nazis.), eating an apple a day/week/month, not playing DotA, and actually attending all my lectures at Uni (yes, Chi and Joon, I'm looking at you).

Anyway, it's only first week, so nothing to say. lol, easy blog post for me. Just went to uni, came home, ate some foodies, hung out with college people then nighty night. Very chills week, aided by having a long weekend. Oh, and have been watching Masterchef, and loving it. Also, Justin, 1st year Med guy, was so cut when they booted out the hot halfie girl on the first episode lololol (Michelle was like 'What are you guys smoking, she's not good looking' initially. By the end of the show, Michelle retracted her statement. Convincing powers, coming through). Ah well, there's one other girl, and her name is 'She's alright', cos she's ugly. No, you idiot, it's cos she's alright. Fail much.

Okay, got to get back to work, Masterchef time soon.

Bye!

Josh

Braintired

2010-04-17T00:23:00.002+10:00

So, my brain is very tired from reading about immunology for next week's assignment. And my body is tired 'cos its 11:33pm and my sleepy time should be at 10 =(. Anyway, must fight through lethargy to complete this blog post!

In other news, I've decided not to re-read my post about lists and things I wanted to do these holidays, as I don't think I have the heart to deal with the tsunami of anger, disappointment and self-reproach that will inevitably ensue. But I did eat pho; and the pho was nice.

Had a boardgames day at my house with the USyd crowd. 'Forced' them to watch 'Trent from Punchy'; now I'm 'forcing' you to watch it as well. I shouldn't say 'forced', in inverted commas; it sends the message that I didn't really force them, and didn't actually throw the ones who refused into a pit of fire with cobras. You'd think the cobras would die in the fire. No, it just makes them more angry. Anyway, enjoy!

When told to watch this video by my mates from Adelaide, they did say 'The only person I wanna meet more than Trent, is Kev.' lol, Kev is a sicko.

Dropped by USyd as well, and in true Adelaidian spirit, I'd describe it as 'heaps good'. But the best part was at the end of the night, with Mo, Joon, Trent and Aimy, eating a steak sandwich and sharing stories. Some of the stories included the infamous VJ strip show, the Rage against the Nicola Machine, and interesting couples with curious age gaps (I thought Yr 12 guy to Yr 7 girl was kinda freaky. Aimy does note that she was smoking hot. However, I still find the Yr 11 girl with a Year 7 guy super pedo-woman-bear).

By far the best story was Trent and Aimy's story from their friend from Girra. Pretty much, this guy (we'll call him Gunbound boy, GBB for short), was playing Pokemon on his computer. Okay, I lie, it was Gunbound. Anyway, while GBB was playing, a girl who had decided she liked GBB, despite his GB obsession, and make her move by asking him out over MSN (in her defence, she was in year 8 at the time). So, quite characteristically, GBB is in a game of Gunbound at the time, and alt-tabs after hearing the DUM-DUM-DUM MSN sound. He fails to read the text in the window, and just replies 'Yeah', and returns to his game of Gunbound, LOL so fail. THEN the girl's best friend gives him a ring: he answers the phone; she says 'So you're going out with (GBB's girl)'; he replies with the always charming 'Huh, I am?'. LOL Trent says the relationship lasted an extensive 12 minutes. Making and breaking up before even seeing each other face to face. There must be a World record for these things, right? And for all those die hard gamers who must be wondering 'so, was he so distraught that he became a rage-leaver in the gunbound game?', you can breathe easy, he went straight back to the game after the phonecall.

Anyway, I'll be heading back to Adelaide at the end of this week. No more media =(. Since I know Chi didn't like Trent from Punchy, maybe he'll like this one:

lol, he speaks many truths. 'Everybody underestimates the kick in the groin'. Yes they do. They really do.

Anyway, I'm really really really tired right now. Anyway, some Simpson's trivia to end the night! (I mean morning): In a Simpsons episode, Smashing Pumpkins' lead singer Billy Corgan guest stars, and introduces himself to Homer saying 'Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins'. What is the main plot of this episode, and how does Homer respond to Billy?

Catchya later!

Josh

P.S. Answer: Hullabalooza episode where Homer becomes part of the freakshow - cannon in the gut. And he responds 'Homer Simpson, smiling politely'. Good old wikipedia, refreshing my childhood memories.

I like writing lists =)

2010-03-30T20:40:00.002+11:00

It has been brought to my attention that Daniel, both Emma's (yes, BOTH Emma's), and potentially many more of my deprived Dent friends have not eaten pho before. PHO!!! A few things struck me in quick succession:

What are they doing with their lives?!
I haven't had a good bowl of pho in ages; I'm really craving some pho now =(
No, really, what the heck have they wasted 18 years of their life doing which has kept them apart from eating pho, one of the most glorious yet stunningly simplistic cuisines of all time?

But I'm no hypocrite; there must be a tonne of things I've yet to have or experience. With holidays fast approaching, there are a couple I'd like to do before they end, like:

Having a week long marathon of movie marathons. Oooooo, I'm gonna get very le fat.
Cook a banquet. Probably will need that food for the movie marathons.
Master the speedball.
Beat Chi in a game of pool. Like actually beat him, not beat him by luck. Okay fine, that's not gonna happen. But a man can dream.
Eat a kebab, pad thai, pho and a roast for breakfast, lunch, arvo tea and dinner.
Actually be part of the winning team in Articulate. Wow, I'm so bad at the game.
Pull something Sarbin-esque. For example, read all of Sherwood in one sitting. The only thing which matches the epicness of its sadness is its EPIC DIFFICULTY. Mind over matter, babe.

And I reckon those are plausible. Gonna have a boardgames arvo soon, allowing me to hone my Articulate skills. Then, a movie marathon easily extends from that. I can do the four epic meals in one day when I visit Usyd. As for the speedball and beating Chi at pool, that may take a little longer...lol. That looks like a good list, except for the last point: Shotgun NOT.

For those who are not acquainted with Sarbin, trust me, you will know him one way or another. He has many aliases. Allow me to outline a small portion of his known exploits in the sporting arena:

Sarbin created the 5 point play; he still gets the ball in when fouled during his free throw attempts.
No one has ever scored a point against Sarbin in basketball. And when Sarbin blocks a shot (which is always), he scores a 3 pointer.
Sarbin beat the Lakers 1 on 5.
Though Sarbin was selected to play in the NBA, English Premier League and the World Series simultaneously (as his own team), he declined the offers to be a lecturer in the Adelaide BDS course.
Sarbin throws the ball to himself to score a touchdown.
The Super Bowl has been recently renamed the Sarbin Bowl, in his honour.
Sarbin takes out 7 wickets in an over.
Sarbin has bowled out the 12th man.
Sarbin runs out three batsman in his first ball.
You can't play pool against Sarbin; the game ends after the break.
When Sarbin picks a pocket for the 8-ball, he picks a pocket on a different table. In a different building. In China. Just for funsies. And 'cos he can.
Sarbin beat Usain Bolt; you just didn't see him. He was giving his victory speech to the press before the gun had sounded.
To conclude this section, Sarbin is an intimidating man. Beware: Sarbin has counted to infinity; three times.

Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarbin bro. Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarbin.

Hurray for writing lists!

Anyway, I best be off. More lectures to catch up on. Two more days 'till holidays!

Josh

What is a gay, hungry cell? A Phagosome. What's a phagosome crossed with a zygote? A Faggot.

2010-03-27T23:46:00.001+11:00

NEWS FLASH: HUNGRY LADY STRIKES AGAIN!

Yes, my histology lecturer is a very hungry lady. Very hungry. Okay, simple squamous cells do resemble fried eggs, so I'll let that one slide. But honestly, cuboidal cells don't look like apricots (it's called frigging CUB(E)-oidal cells for a reason) and columnar cells do NOT look like squashed avocados. Squashed avocados?! What the heck is she smoking? Clearly something very strong, and not from Amsterdam. Even if we excuse the fact that the lecture is held in the crappy Masonic Lodge (which has chairs but no table thingys), and forgive the lecturer's boring drone of a voice, she still deserves a slap on the face for making illogical and excessive food imagery when it's 12:30pm and we're all super hungry.

There are some real characters in dentistry. There's Fady, the guy who was deadly afraid of sexually harrassing a girl if he were to become drunk. Then there's this Leo kid, short and stout (here is my handle, here is my spout), who decided to make enemies before the course even began. With a MASSIVE BLACK GUY who could probably DESTROY him with his THUMB (via a thumb war preferably). He either has a can of Mother surgically attached to his left hand, or he buys a heck of a lot of Mother. I'm vouching for the surgical explanation. Also, I hear he's nocturnal; he only sleeps two hours, and that's in the evening. Yeah, he's pretty messed up in the face. Then there's Sarbin. SARBIN! Don't get me started on Sarbin.

Anyway, I've just gotta hack one more week with hungry hungry hippo lady (no, she's not actually hippo like in size or character = <), then it's Mid-sem break woooooooo. That deserves a bigger woo: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't wait! I'm pumped to play a game I call Conquerer Chicken: The Squatter Edition. It's quite a self-explanatory game, sorta kinda.

However, before I leave Adelaide, I may be getting my Jelly on. Allow me to briefly explain. Today, we went on an 'Amazing Race' styled competition thing held by Rosie's church. The prize last year was $500. So, during the past week, we've been talking about how we should spend the money should we win; we decided we'd spend it all on one edible item, and buy ludicrous amounts. And, what the hell, we actually won!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! The prize this year was a $200 voucher from Coles. So, apparently, I may be getting my Jelly on: Aeroplane style.

Seriously, why have my recent posts been food-centric to some extent? Can't fight the trend but. I really can't wait to have some cheese cake back in Sydney. Mmm, cheese cake...

Then again, speaking of Chi's, there's really only one Chi, and that's the Chi who travels across the lands. And by his generosity, I am able to enjoy the beauty of Chi's cake. Yet another one of his numerous contributions to humanity; and he still has time to play Pokemon to fulfil his own true calling.

Anywho, hope to see you guys back in Sydney, the land Chi calls home. Well, 'home'. He is a man on the move. Less than a week to go! The only potential thorn in my side is this jelly conundrum. Must...not...eat...10000000000000000 gallons of jelly...Must...choose...life....

Seeya on the other side!

Josh

It's probably Angina. P.S. I'm not a doctor

2010-03-22T17:32:00.001+11:00

I've said this many times before, but one more time won't hurt: Things are quite different in Adelaide. To begin, the time is 4:18pm, a cool 30 minutes behind Sydney, and I'm quite okay with that. Another thing is Adelaide people call power line poles 'Stobie poles', yet when I was thirsty after a lecture and asked where the nearest bubbler was, all I got from the Adelaidians were peculiar looks as they slowly backed away from me. They don't know what the hell a bubbler is! To mention another vocabulary divide: when I say 'That's slack', they don't get it. They think I'm saying the guy is lazy.

Things are quite different in Adelaide. But, I must admit, I'm having a good time here.

However, I may or may not be homesick. I was walking back from uni, and saw a Holden wagon from the distance, and thought to myself: 'Wow...that could be our family car' (nevermind the fact that it is a whopping 1400km from Sydney to Adelaide). I didn't bother to entertain this impractical hypothesis, 'cos I knew there was no way it was our car. Okay, fine, maybe I did check the number plate, just in case. Better safe than sorry. Stupid wagon, with your stupid numberplate WGE527. So maybe I'm a little homesick. Should get one the med students to officially diagnose me.

Speaking of medical diagnoses, apparently the Med students have been focusing on the one heart condition, Angina, over the last few weeks, and this has become a running joke. Some guy on the road has a cough: 'It's Angina'. I get a cold last week: 'Bad luck, must be Angina'. We're watching a war movie in Justin's room, and a guy get's shot in the heart: 'Angina, dayam'. It will be a day to remember when they can diagnose Angina for someone who is actually suffering Angina, or has appropriate symptoms at least. I'd buy them a cake.

Also, what's a super yummy cake? Must get Vish to teach me to make this cake. I must stop thinking about food when blogging. Cos now I'm le hungry =(.

Some people in my course went on dent camp over the weekend. Not mentioning any names of the contributors, but they got Fady, a short, gimpy guy who unsettles me, quite epicly drunk. Clearly not the brightest of chaps, being a first time drinker yet deciding to go shot for shot with Daniel, dishing out some untimely trash-talk 'This is too easy, you [a few choice vulgur words]', minutes before puking it all out. Then, instead of taking a break, or having some water, he goes right back into the thick of it.

Some vulgar insults from other languages are quite inventive. Today, Daniel told me of one Serbian insult, which translates to 'Go back into your father's penis'. Crude, yes; super effective, you bet ya.

I know it's never good to end on vulgar words in any form of conversation, and blog posts are not exempt from this rule. But I'm out of content to talk about = <. And I can't even media dump, cos stupid youtube is blocked.

Sigh. Be nice to me, I'm still sick =(. Yes, I'm talking to you, axe-wielding gentlemen in the leftmost aisle seat. And why do you have an axe? It doesn't make any sense.

I promise my next post will not so disappointing. And hopefully, I'll have more vitality in my post as well. lololol.

Seeya!

Josh

He has an ab

2010-03-16T00:42:00.000+11:00

I stumbled across this and thought this made for interesting reading. Author: Chris Fung, aka Fung.

"I have an ab

I know this is true because I found it hurting one day while I was doing situps.

More than this, my ab, by all appearances seems to be quite stupid, and a terrible conservationalist.

Here is a log of our conversation yesterday.

AB:

So err... OUCH ... jeez.. I'm not sure really how to say this but, FUCK LOOK CAN YOU STOP THAT FOR JUST ONE SECOND. .... [beat] ouch.... look just talk to me for a sec... no don't OW... okayokayokay we don't have to talk, just stop for a second so I can think. FUCK WHY WON"T YOU STOP.

Okay fine, we aren't going to stop, and it's clear you don't want to talk .... fine. whatever. just tell me one thing.

WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND GOOD AND A CAUSE FOR DELIGHT IN THIS UNREMITTING HELL OF OURS, WHY

WHY ARE WE TRYING TO DO 3000 SITUPS?

I DONT UNDERSTAND IT

DO YOU ENJOY MY PAIN?

AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF COMPANIONABLE SILENCE, WHY DO YOU CHOOSE NOW TO HURT ME?

I THOUGHT WE HAD A GODDAMN UNDERSTANDING MAN. YOU EAT WHATEVER MEAT YOU WANT, AND I STAY OUT OF YOUR HAIR. OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND.

AND NOW?

NOW YOU ACT LIKE I KILLED ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS OR SOMETHING

IS THAT WHAT THIS IS?

IS IT? BECAUSE IF I DID, YOU TELL ME WHICH ONE IT WAS AND I'LL GO GET YOU A NEW ONE JUST LIKE IT ONLY TELL ME WHY YOU DO THIS.

[beat]

.... oh wow... thank you for stopping.

i knew that you were reasonaWHATTHEFUCK WHY ARE YOU STARTING AGAIN WHY WONT YOU JUST TALK TO ME

IT FEELS LIKE A LARGE TONGAN MAN IS DROPPING A MEDICINE BALL ON MY FACE AS WELL.

[pause]

oh my dear lord. WHY IS THERE A GODDAMN TONGAN MAN DROPPING A MEDICINE BALL ON MY FACE. im not even going to ask you to stop ANYMORE I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHY.

WHAT HEINOUS CRIME AGAINST LIFE HAVE I COMMITTED TO DESERVE THIS PROMETHEAN TORMENT. PLEASE MERCIFUL LORD JUST TELL ME WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyy

[end transcript]

and so on and so forth.

you know, despite the miracle of having an AB who can speak apparently without the physical organs and such-like that are traditionally required to do so, it's quite depressing to know that your AB is stupid.

I mean, far be it from me to belittle any body part, but were I an ab capable of speech, I wouldn't be wasting my time talking about tongan men or family members or such (?!?) I'd be saying things like,

"Hey chrisfung, did you know that if Stomach got this specific mix of nutrients, that you would gain the ability to breathe a noxious gas that is capable either of rendering other humanoids unconscious, or into a laughing fit so strong that they are rendered incapable of thought for the remaining duration of their natural lives?"

but you know, you can't choose your family, or your muscle composition apparently, and I suppose I'm stuck with my stupid ab.

WHile we're on the topic (not really, but I need some way to segueway out of this mess I've found myself in) alot of you faithful readers might be wondering what has been keeping my good self away from your side/specialist medical appointment/cake-consuming

event, and to your query, good reader, I have the following to say.

If I have not seen you for a period of less than one month, sorry yo, new job, tell you more about it over a banana smoothie.

If I have not seen you for a period of one month to one year, then I regret to inform you that i have either:
stolen a vast quantity of your cash and am unsure of whether or not I am suspected/had sexual relations with a female that is directly related to you or a close personal friend/ while inebriated performed one or more bodily functions within a space that may have been your home/car/personal office/letterbox/ have been unable to see you for to do so would blind my heart with affection and distract me from my crucial tasks at current which I see as contributive to a BETTER LIFE.

Speaking of which; it is true that I am now a full-time employee of STARCITY. I am a poker dealer. It is also true that this year and the year after I am devoting to full-time BETTERING MY ABILITY TO GET INTO WAAPA.

What this means is, all of my efforts will be geared towards either getting money, using the money to better my understanding of dance, time spent on crafting a body that can rival the competitors that I saw last year at the final call-backs.

SO SAYING, I will leave you readers with this final thought.

Time spent wishing is time wasted, I am tired of wanting a better body and not making plans to do anything about it. I am going to write here a list of the things that I will do in the next 7 days. This list is going to be populated with the kind of things that if I continue and make a habit, cannot but contribute greatly to my physical goals.

But building habitual action is hard. So I'm just going to take it a week at a time. Starting with these next 7 days.

Here is my list.
4 x 90 minute dance classes with SYDNEYDANCECOMPANY
3000 SITUPS
1500 PUSHUPS
30KM RAN

If you share my hate of your own planmaking, but then making and ACCEPTING your own pansy ass excuses to not do the work that you actually want to, then I ENCOURAGE YOU, make a similiar list.

It doesn't have to be a month in the future.

Just 7 days.

What do you want to accomplish in the next 7 days?"

Royal Flash

2010-03-15T00:16:00.000+11:00

What up, you messing with a dirty MOSH PIT!!

Mo came back from Comsoc Camp. Hectic time he had. But I'm not one to transfer anecdotes into blogs because my name is moshmo, not moshjosh.

Instead I will share a bit about my emotional dealings.

Recently, baby, I was down down down down down. But not down like Jay Sean. Down like sadbearman. I was granted a way out, up into the air, using the balloons, but with no disrespect to the ferocious polar bear, it's too constructed for me. Instead, a fan has inspired me to change my attitude. And you know how ceiling fans are, blades of fury, I'm sure the j in mosh (hey theres no j in mosh) can insert some dota move instead but. OH BLADESTORM, that's what it's called. Yes, bladestorm chucks me into the air. So end result: happiness is obtained only by what I believe and want. I knew that already. But I must look within me. And then, project outward to those who matter. Then it's all terrific.

Enough crap. Now, uni work. Hmm, falling into old habits of lack of sleep. Hmmmm. No worries, big study from now on. Ok, enough talk from the mo.

Quick shout out, artsy people who read this, can you get me essay tips, I have to write an anthropology essay for next week lol.

OH, just for josh, since he has forgotten what NRL looks like, I have been informed that the dragons powered over the eels with incredible tactics by Grand Master Wayne Bennett, and pinpoint awesome kicking by the Young Gun Jamie Soward. BREATHING EFFING FIRE PEOPLE.

So many strange people...

2010-03-13T11:56:00.000+11:00

Another week of uni has passed, and I've come to realise that I've got some really strange lecturers in Dentistry. Tuesday morning, 8am, we've got this elderly female lady who's been giving us a stream of lectures on 'What is health', and 'What makes us healthy'. I was on the verge of falling asleep, until she started digging herself a hole by talking about a 'fit mouth' (in an attempt to compare oral health, to an aspect of general health - exercise and fitness), and in a state of confusion, I wrote down 'A fit mouth is...a functional mouth?!?!? wth....'

Not all the lecturers are strange and boring. Some are merely strange and hungry. Our physiology lecturer compared everything to food, in particular, confectionary: 'So here's a diagram of a cell. As you can see, there are all these jellybeans, representing mitochondria, vesicles, peroxisomes...'. Then, he moved on to 'Here's a lysosome. Yes, it looks like a jellybaby'. Didn't even call it quits after that: 'The peroxisome is about 1/3 to 1/2 the size of a lysosome. You can see it here, the smaller red jellybaby.' Since then, cells have never looked so edible. The picture in his slide of a partial cross-section of a cell now seriously looks like a Gobstopper, where the nucleus is the hard spherical centre.

The tutor we have is pretty stock-standard. However, Dogs was telling us about his tutor, and she sounds AWESOME. Hard to convey in words. Apparently, she's got an asian accent and talks really really fast. So, put on your best asian accent, and say it out loud really quickly after you read this: '-itis, -itis, what else ends with -itis? Appendicitis. Gingivitis. Hepatitis. What else ends with -itis? What else ends with -itis? Endocarditis. What else ends with itis? Three-thirty-itis. ha-ha-ha-ha.' LOL. Dogs told us this in between two back to back lectures, so I was still stifling my laughter when the lecture was about to begin. The lecturer (the hungry guy) then turned off the lights. Then, the guy next to me turns to Arun (this big curry guy, cool guy), and says 'Hey Arun, where did you go? I can only see your teeth', which made this guy in front of us fully crack up laughing. lololol super inappropriate much, I was cracking up every 5 seconds for the first 5-10 mins of the lecture as a result. Also, it made me miss Nimalan. If only it were as easy as turning the lights back on to see Nimalan again.

One more story, just to wrap up. Lab finished early again this week. We were stuck waiting around, so we started sharing stupid stories from back in highschool. One of the stories Dogs shared was about a mate in his class who decided to write a story dissing his English teacher, who the class thought had an uncanny resemblence to a turtle. Dogs was like 'you're an idiot, what if they find out it was you?', and the guy replied confidently 'Don't worry, I won't put my name on it, duh.'. Not only did the guy format it in the exact same way he formatted everything he had previously handed in to that teacher (same borders and font), but he was the only person to fail to put his name on the document. lololol.

Anyway, I'm out. Lots of stuff happening, but lots unsuitable for blogging about, or gets increasingly lame if typed up. Some of the stuff I just typed sounds lame; trust me, it was ultra funny at the time, just like ultra balls.

Seeya around!

Josh

P.S. our college is holding a Pokemon Tournament. Just goes to show that Pokemon is appreciated far and wide, even as far as Adelaide. Who would've thought. Now, I'm severely tempted to ask them if they know Chi, hopefully getting the reply 'CHIIIIII! The guy who travels far and wide, ye? Give him this, as a present from me.' [Josh just received a Master Ball!] Then I would use the master ball to catch the girl of my dreams, and the world would be at peace once again. lololol.

The Legend of Vish and Daniel

2010-03-10T21:48:00.002+11:00

Okay, maybe the title is a little misleading. It's more the legend of Vish, with a sprinkling of Daniel to provide cool comedy relief. Now that you mentioned sprinkles, I'm feeling hungry. Craving a chocolate muffin with sprinkles on it.

Which brings me to the middle of the story: Vish is a trained chef, and more importantly, could probably whip up a mean chocolate muffin with sprinkles. But, that's the middle of the story, so I'll start at the beginning.

Yesterday started with the biggest waste of time laboratory in the history of mankind. Wow, it was super wasted time. I don't believe they actually forced us to say "We spread several species of spiteful bacteria while speaking, spitting , coughing and sneezing" ten times over. Well, not really ten times, because I found myself eventually saying "Tool, tool tool tool, why are you such a tool."

Anyway, the lab took us an anticlimactic 30 minutes to finish. Most people decided to bail and go home; I just didn't feel like going back to college, so I just sat on the couches in the Basement. And here, I ran into Daniel. lol Daniel. Good old Daniel. Pretty much, Daniel's your typical tall French Adelaidian who says what's on the top of his head, and doesn't care what other people think. Also, he plays HON. lololol HON.

After Daniel got his Hep B booster shot all done, we returned to the Basement, where we ran into the man of the moment, Vish. Vish is a 28 year old half Indian, half Irish guy. And he's awesome. I say this time and time again: people with life experience are the bomb. In between dropping out of uni and becoming a chef, he travelled Europe, where he smoked weed in Amsterdam. And when I say weed, of course I mean 'plants which grow where you don't want them to'. I knoweth the Agriculture. Anyway, Vish claims the weed there is high quality, and has minimal hallucinogenic side effects. Well, aside from the seeing pot plants as soldiers and the ceiling as lava in a lava lamp. His words, not mine.

Vish had already told me about his exploits as a chef some time last week. But this was news to Daniel's girlfriend, Miranda. By the way, Miranda is a top notch girl; we had extensive discussions about 'how to tell Japanese and Koreans apart from Chinese', which ended up with many racially charged and politically incorrect: PI observations. She also concluded that I was very shallow in picking girls: "All you say 'this girl is pretty' and 'that girl is hot'" (this whole discussion came about 'cos I said 'Don't worry, I go for asian girls'. How do I manage to dig myself such a big hole?). Of course, I was prepared to defend myself, with a string of counter-arguments, but then I couldn't resist saying "That's hot". In a chilli kind of way. Chilli hot. And now I'm back to my original problem: I'm kinda hungry =(.

Anyway, Miranda claims that the overused observation 'Food is the way to a man's heart' is overrated, but rather, 'Food is the way to a woman's heart'. Once again, this gives me a new reason to learn to cook well; Vish has promised to teach me to cook one awesome main dish by the end of the 5 years. It'll probably take me that long to learn it lol. Miranda asked Vish what was the best dessert he could make, which prompted the unexpected reply: a Lemon Tart. Apparently, it was a recipe he learnt as a chef at a highly acclaimed restaurant in Melbourne, and he swears it is delectable.

lol, then Daniel asked 'How much would it cost for you to cook at my 19th?'. Vish paused, then said 'Depends what you want me to cook, and how many people it's for. But, it would be a reasonably large sum', and left it at that. lololol. Now that's what I call authority. No price quoting for you.

New mysteries about the man of Vish were also unravelled yesterday. To begin, Vish plays pool pretty well. He too wasted away his uni playing pool instead of going to lectures and studying. lololol. Also, he's played on the State futsal team as goal-keeper. Man, makes me wanna play soccer again.

You know what, stuff it, I think I am gonna play indoor soccer! And I'm going to get myself a muffin! I'm sick of waiting around for my turn!

Okay, I lied. I'm not going to get a muffin =(. As for indoor soccer...

Well, the point is, Vish is truly (as Fung may put it) a mystery, wrapped in a puzzle, covered by secrets, enclosed in a question, and shrouded by more mysteries, and those mysteries can give birth to little baby mysteries have their own puzzles, secrets and questions, waiting to be solved, uncovered and answered respectively. But alas, I am tired; the story of Vish must continue in a new blog entry on a new day, because this one is finished...

Not yet...

a little more...

just a little more...

almost there...

u made it! And you wasted 2 seconds of your life in the process scrolling down. lololol.

Josh

Some things are just not meant for blogs. Like this post.

2010-03-08T17:41:00.002+11:00

I've learnt there are some things which one should not blog about. For example, when I was walking to the ATM, accompanied by Graeme (cool Malaysian guy, very chilled and laid back) and James (cool Half-Chinese guy from Hong Kong, whose build matches his choice to do Physio at uni), Graeme said he was craving an 'Ab'. Of course, I inquired into what these 'abs' were, hoping the answer did not involve cannibalism. They used this term to describe what USyd people who know as a 'kebab on a plate' with chips. In fact, 'ab' stood for 'abortion', in particular, the image of blood and the dead foetus and all the other junk; that's what they thought a kebab on a plate looked like.

See, that was a horrible image. That's why some things were just not meant for blogs. Contradictory much lololol.

Anyway, one good thing that has come about being in Adelaide is that today is a public holiday. Good old South Australia, giving all the citizens here a day off to doll up, bet ludicrous amounts on horses and get so drunk they can't tell apart men from women (don't ask me, ask a doctor. No, seriously, if you are that drunk, you really need to see a doctor, if you want your liver to remain inside of your body rather than in a bin).

Oh dear, offending the South Australian government was also on the list of things which shouldn't be deal with on this blog. Scrap that last bit.

Unfortunately, one more thing that seems to have deserted this blog are media links. And it's totally not my fault. This college has blocked all media from the net. Well, that's what they told me. I suspect Chi had a hand in this, just as a little reminder to me that yes, he has travelled across the lands, and yes, it is part of his qualifications to run to Adelaide, tell the staff to block all media access to my computer and run back to USyd, in time for his Maths lecture (which he wouldn't end up going to anyway; he'd just play pool). Yes, that was in his CV. You should see that thing. It weighs a tonne of brick. Or a tonne of feathers. But bricks does sound more manly, and I bet it is a bit heavier. lololol.

Some things were just not meant to be, I guess. We'll just have to wait and see.

But I really really REALLY hate the waiting game. =(.

Josh

Oh babe, I don't have AIDS

2010-03-03T23:07:00.000+11:00

It's kinda late, and I'm super tired. However, I do feel compelled to post about the day that was, even if it will be by no means an extensive, intricate account.

In terms of lectures and labs, today was a great step forward in the right direction. The lectures, for starters, only had a minimal technological hiccup, as opposed to the outrageous technology fail the previous day. Yesterday, the lecture consisted of a whole lot of useless revision babble (45 minutes of revising the previous lecture is a bit too much...), then they tried to put on a video presentation on homeostasis, but technology said 'NO', and we ended up leaving the lecture, learning absolutely nothing. However, I was able to chat to the girl next to me, who turned out to be pretty cool and chills; I won't disclose her name, lest the Mo-nster tracks her down, facebook style, and attack me with a flurry of questions. And when I say Mo-nster, I obviously mean the Cookie Monster. Nothing suss lololol.

Anyway, had lunch with a couple of guys. On of them, Hyung, had just finished his compulsory national service in the Korean army. He told us about his rigidly structured days, the ridiculous amount of marching and drills and shovelling. Of course, one of the question raised was 'Why do they have compulsory service in Korea?'. Lol, then Seung, the other Korean guy with us , replied with a stony expression 'Because...we have an enemy'. lololol. lololololol, so much lol. We got more details about Hyung's army training. As part of the artillery division, he told us he had been trained to wield a weapon bigger than a bazooka (much bigger in fact), which was used to hit targets 50km away. Again, we asked 'How did you practice and learn to use that?', which Seung replied, with that same stony gaze 'Aim North and fire'. lolololololol. The war between South and North Korea never ceases to amaze me.

I found out a guy in my lab group was gay. Of course, I felt bad for him. Not 'cos he was gay, of course; that would just be super discriminatory. Rather, 'cos I had been saying 'gay', 'so gay', and 'aw that's just gaybar' at quite a high frequency during the lab session. Hope he wasn't too offended...

Anyway, at the end of the day, I had to get my blood test results from the University Health clinic. The uni forced us to do a blood test the previous week to check if we had Hep B and C, AIDS, and sufficiently high Hep B antibodies. Unfortunately, the medical centre I went to do the test (in NSW, and asked them to mail my result to the Adelaide clinic) epic failed and didn't mail it. So I was stuck waiting around for a little over an hour to fix up the problem. However, it was all worth it because now I can quell all the crude and horrible rumours: I do not have AIDS. Let it be know to man, boy and child alike. I also do not have Hep B or C lol. That's also a good thing. Anyway, that hold-up at the clinic was a little problematic, since I had to get back to my college before 5:30pm to get dinner. As a result, I knew what had to be done: the super 15 minute walking challenge. Gogo legs! It's actually all about luck, being able to catch the green lights on pedestrian crossings. It goes to show that Everest like challenges are presented to you every day, and you better be ready to be walking so fast during that 15 minute walking challenge that you can excavate a tunnel right through that mountain and show it who's boss, without breaking your stride. But, success comes at a heavy price; I'm now tired.

Talking with Sean (3rd year dent student) at dinner today. Again, he was forcefully encouraging me to go to the Basement Party this Friday (The dent student association refurbished the basement of the Dental Hospital as a general meeting ground as well as use for parties etc). One of the things he mentioned was 'free drinks and pizza'. Another moment to disillusion our readers: no, I do not have a massive beer gut. In fact, I don't drink. But, I must admit, the pizza was appealing. I knew I was in dangerous territory, and to convince myself this new discovery was not all that it was cracked up to be, I retorted 'Yeah, free pizza! Sounds good!' Frick, I couldn't even force words out of my mouth to talk badly of free pizza. It's free pizza! Luckily, Sean replied 'Haha, you'll see fat people dancing with pizza in one hand and beer in another, while singing "I like to move it move it, I like to move it move it"'. How...attractive...lololol.

Anyway, I best be off. Bye!

Josh

P.S. Shotgun not editing this. I'm le tired.

Can't sleep...Clown will eat me...=(

2010-03-01T21:41:00.001+11:00

The title of this post, contrary to popular belief, is not a superfluous one. In fact, I did struggle to sleep last night. Furthermore, we all must be weary of clowns: their mega creepy makeup, their extremely flammable red noses and the giant shoes they walk around in (which I presume are for stepping on people; small people in particular).

Anyway, I'm having a little trouble sleeping at night. It's not my fault at all however. It's not even my body's fault, or my mind's fault. It's just been an unfortunate arrangement of events which has interrupted quite rudely, consisting of unexpected travels across states (Chi's face was smiling down on me), and attended my cousins wedding down in Melbourne. Also, I have an irrational fear of clowns, and their seemingless endless potential to attack me in my sleep.

But yes, good news: I'm in Adelaide! Second bit of good news: I survived my first day at uni! Things have gone quite smoothly. I've gotten to know a surprising number of people on college. It all came together when one guy, J Lee (His name is Josh; we agreed it was way too weird to call the other 'Josh', so he now calls me Yao, 'cos apparently in his opinion, that's who I look like. Shocked and amazed) extended his hand out, decided to be a good guy, and invited me to play pool with him. Reminds me of Ajey...bringing people together; now I miss USyd. Sad panda. Anyway, this morning, we decided to walk to uni together, 'cos I said it would help me get my bearings and familiarise myself with Adelaide. He agreed, and said it was like marking territory for a dog, besides the peeing on the ground bit. I almost interjected with 'Besides peeing on the ground? Maybe for you, my friend', but I quickly swallowed my words. The aim is not to freak people out. I get jokes.

Through J Lee, I've gotten to know some 1st year Med students, and a few dent students in grades above, all who are pretty awesome people.

I should really wrap up this post. I've actually got homework. If you just fell of your chair in shock, I'll waste this sentence so you can pick yourself up, have time to say 'No way, hose' out loud and spit on the ground in disgust. Shocked and amazed. I am truly shocked and amazed.

Anyway, I should end this post with 'Ten things I hate about you', where you is not you, the reader, but rather the city which is Adelaide:

It's not Sydney, and it certainly isn't home
I'm away from my dear family and friends
The water sucks. It really really sucks. Gatorade's better.
Adelaide is an unjust city; I'm beginning to suspect communist puppet-mastery. Some security guard fined a college buddy of mine, 3rd year dent student, for parking in a spot he has parked in for the last 2 years.
The room doesn't provide coat hangers
The uni is small
There are no markedly attractive girls. Okay, admittedly, there is this one girl in dent...maybe I should take that one back
OMGOSH EVERYONE PLAYS AND WATCHES AFL. THERE WAS A SIGN IN THE COLLEGE WALL ADVERTISING A NETBALL AND 'FOOTY' COMPETITION, WHICH GOT ME EXCITED, BUT THEN VERY LET DOWN COS THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT AFL. YOU CAN'T SAY 'I GO FOR THE DOGGIES' (which I don't), COS THEY THINK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE WESTERN BULLDOGS. THEY SHOW NRL AT RIDICULOUSLY LATE TIMES IF EVER. ALL THEY TALK ABOUT IS 'AFL' THIS AND 'AFL' THAT. STOP SAYING AFL, THAT IS MAKING MO, THE ANGRY FULL-BEARDED LEBRACHAUN VERY ANGRY FOR STEALING HIS ACRONYM. STUPID SOUTH AUSTRALIAN AND VICTORIAN PEOPLE. (If you read this and you're in my course/I know you and you come from SA or VIC, no offence lol. I'm specifically talking to the other people...yeah...)
I'm probably gonna get converted into an AFL fanboy. That's not good at all =(.
Well, number 10 has to be obvious. I don't get to see the man of the moment. Yes, you know who im talking about: Chi.

However, there are good things about Adelaide. One being I'm making Chi proud for my travelling, even if he is too proud to show it. Also, Michelle, a 1st year Med interstater from Melbourne (AFL even got Michelle. So sad), says the water stops tasting funny, and she has only been there for a week.

It's a time for change, I guess, and the change is definitely worthwhile. Let's just hope I can get better sleep tonight.

Josh

A Guide to Mo's

2010-02-27T23:00:00.002+11:00

Odinga

2010-02-20T00:22:00.002+11:00

Hi

I can't believe we haven't shown this:

That was for you Chi.

Now, before I start, I'm sorry to say that blogs don't suit me. The way I see it, people blog about their life and such, right? But you can only blog in your downtime. Now my life has been so interesting that I don't get time to post. But, once I do find myself bored, I'm too bored to remember what I did that was so exciting. So you get not a lot from me. Don't worry, Josh has lots of quantity. I have quality. Ok no that's a lie, individually, Josh has quantity AND quality, I have neither. So mosh has quantity and quality. And since mosh is an equal representation of mo and Josh, and Josh has more posts, the quality must lie with me.

So collectively, I have more quality.

I have a galah. It's quite fun. Any galah keeping tips?

Winter olympics: Awesome. I love curling. I love snowboarding. Shaun White makes me jizz more than Torah Bright does.

Jethro is awesome. Because I'm too lazy to embed it, search up "Jethro Comedian" on youtube.

Uni is starting again. Hurray for essays and assignments and allnighters and avoiding-eye-contact-with-people-you-know-but-don't-want-to-talk-to. Actually I won't do that last one so much.

No uni is good, but holidays are better.

Finally to keep with Josh's theme of what he wants in a girl, this is what I want:
-Hot
-Doesn't sit all day on youtube watching crappy tv shows

Ok, buzz off now.

-mo

The Highs and the Lows

2010-02-19T13:38:00.029+11:00

Hi, hi, and HI. Oh sorry guy at the back, hi to you as well. My manners have gone down the drain recently.

Speaking of hi's, I've been thinking about the inevitable highs and lows of life. I know we all hate phrases that are heavily overused and beaten to death, especially ones which are used to describe the ups and downs of life. And when I say all, I mean everyone except me. 'Cos life is like a rollercoaster. lololol. One day, everything goes your way, and you're going up, and up, and up so high you need an oxygen mask 'cos breathing is getting difficult. Then BAM everything begins to turn sour and before you know it, your parents die, your sister gets cancer, your dog dies, you failed your maths test, your english test, your chem and phys test, not to mention your eco test, Mr Dunkerley kicked your butt for failing the most important subject in the world (eco, duh), you pass PE (but I didn't even study...) even though you really needed a legitimate reason to drop PE, you get dumped by your girlfriend and you lose all your friends. Then, in a fit of rage, you burn the school down, you bomb the university, you nuke your suburb (your sister is safe in a hospital, dw), you attack John Howard with an ACME bomb, you get scouted by the US for your bomb expertise (that sounds like a good thing...no wait it isn't), you place bombs under the World Trade Centre and explode them when the 'terrorist' US-piloted planes crash, which makes the Trade Centre crumple ridiculously uniformly, straight down (and that's the true story behind 9/11, I promise). Not only this, but now you have to vomit because that descent from the heavens was almost vertical and you aren't too good at handling rollercoaster rides anyway.

Luckily, my life isn't so bad. But, there have been some highs and lows. Just in the last week, there's been highs and lows. Allow me to illustrate:

HIGH!: Chinese New Year! Lots and lots of yummy food.

LOOOOOW:It was cold and rainy on Sunday night after church. I think I got a cold. Boo hoo.

HIGH!: David Chandramandakumar (as Gan put it) came to touch last tuesday!

LOOOOOW: My calf muscles and quads were sore afterwards =(. Boo hoo.

HIGH!: Two days ago, Chi asked me to guess what he did that day, and added the hint 'it would make you proud of me'. Obviously my answer was "did you travel across lands?". He said "I also did that". LOL. Wow, you just can't afford to underestimate this guy. Not only did he travel to Ajey's, but they played DotA there! lololol. And yes, I was very proud.

LOOOOOW: I didn't get to travel across lands and play DotA =(. Boo hoo indeed.

HIGH!: Holidays means all the time in the world to watch Scrubs!

LOOOOOW: Whilst watching Scrubs, I found something which was truly low. Things aren't much lower than below a man's belt, and not many things are as vulnerable or sensitive either. But seriously, it's a mega low to hit a man below. I have a habit of involuntarily going into the foetal position when I watch this clip.

Pick the guy who gets smacked in the crutch not once, but twice. Excrutiating. And very do8. So very do8. Moral of the story: wear a top hat. Somehow, that guy avoids the pain and shame of being violated down low.

And this brings us to our 'Getting to know Mo' segment! Though Mo may be strong, having vorked out in ze gymnazium with Arnold Schwarzenegger approval, he is still vulnerable to being kicked in the balls; however, VJ is quite immune to such an attack. Also, Mo may or may not go for women who look like the one in the above video. (I'm guessing he would. I'm actually quite sure of it).

But things always end on a high:

HIGH!: I didn't end up like the hypothetical guy on the rollercoaster. That's a good thing.

Okay, that was sorta a let-down HIGH!, but it's still legit. I maintain that things usually end up on a high. Hm. It feels good to be simply content with how things are going, even though you know something bad may come around the corner.

Well, as long as the bad thing around the corner isn't something like 'WHAT THE HELL CHI ISN'T TRAVELLING ANYMORE? WHAT THE HECK DO WE DO NOW??? ARE YOU SERIOUS, WE ACTUALLY HAVE TO RENAME THE BLOG?!?!' 'cos once that happens, it's a short road to the hypothetical guy on the rollercoaster. And that's not good. That's not good at all.

But in all seriousness...if Chi stops travelling, this blog must come to an end.

Okay I lied. We may continue the blog even if Chi stops travelling, as a means of drawing him back into the light of truth so he may once again adopt his area of expertise: his travelling, which he studied in the University of Sydney and gained a double major in 'B Travels (Across Lands, Women's Hearts)'. With great power comes great responsibility Chi. I really really really love overused phrases =).

Okay, I'm outsies, catchya later,

Josh

Something special for all the ladies in the world...

2010-02-16T15:52:00.001+11:00

Wow. Listened to a very strange talk on relationships yesterday at 'the connect'. Good old Derek, making the talk not awkward at all. In looking for a potential spouse, Derek listed out eight factors which were abosolutely (was editing, noticed this typo was very Politically Incorrect: PI) necessary according to the Bible. So, immediately, you'd think 'Okay, Christian relationships talk, we've gotta put our thinking caps on to figure this one out'. Well, you thought wrong. He really put the S in the KISS principle. Not just the 'simple', but more the 'silly/stupid/sssssss-ridiculously-awkward-things-only-Derek-would-think-of'. This was the list, titled 'I can only marry someone who is...':

Human
Opposite Sex
Single
Legal Age
Not blood relative
Christian
Alive
Agreeing to marry me

I mean, I was concerned hearing the first one as 'Human' (what the heck else do you want to marry), but when I heard #7 and #8, I nearly fell off my chair. What the hell?! Seriously lol. All you med students, you better not be eyeing that cadaver...you dirty, dirty child.

So to all you human christian single ladies of legal age, who are not my sisters or female cousins, and who are most importantly alive and consenting...hi I'm Josh nice to meet you. lol.

lol, you go Derek, you go.

Just talked to Mo about USyd people possibly playing brawl at his house. He said tomorrow may be the only good day, commenting that it would be ultra late notice. This lead to:

Joshua says:
i cant make tomorrow
haha
but i like ultra balls
they catch me good pokemon

mo says:
i prefer dusk balls (H)

Dusk balls?!?! Man, I'm really out of the loop with pokemon. One of my friends from church agrees with me on this point. He asked some kid he saw on the train playing pokemon 'Hey you're playing pokemon! Did you start with Squirtle, he's the best'. Then the kid said, 'What the heck is Squirtle?' He was shocked and amazed. How can you not know Squirtle, but know what a 'Mudkip' is?! (if that is in fact its real name) Sad times.

Anyway, enough about pokemon. This post is supposed to something special...for all the ladies in the world.

That brings us to our newest fact about Mo: He is not gay, but is into ladies! And, I deny any allegations that I made this entire post purely to say Mo is into ladies. 'Cos that would just be childish. But I'll say it once more, he's into ladies. You can call him on 1800 MO N LADIES, it's a free call.

Okay, that's it for today. Have a good day!

Josh

Politically Incorrect: PI

2010-02-15T19:56:00.000+11:00

I was having an MSN conversation with one of my friends the other night. For the sake of anonymity...we'll just say it was Chi. Anyway, I mentioned it would be a strange day when someone I knew got married. However s/he begged to differ, and thought it would be quite cool, even awesome. In an attempt to show the error in his way (did I just say his?), I asked whether it would still be 'awesome' if the first marriage was a gay or lesbian marriage. This prompted the following (unfortunately, I can't copy paste, 'cos blogspot starts to whinge about 'form error'. So I'll just type it out):

Person who may or may not be Chi says:
no to gay weddings
i will rephrase
jsut for you

Joshua says:
lol
Person who may or may not be Chi says:
itd be really cool if one of our friends had a healthy, normal, problem-free, perfect romance wedding soon
Joshua says:
LOL

Person who may or may not be Chi says:
[stuff which may reveal this person's identity]
Joshua says:
hahaha
u just brought the gay and lesbian revolution back a few decades
with ur arguably obtuse use of the words 'normal' and 'perfect'
to describe heterosexual relationships

You are probably reading this and thinking 'What's wrong with what Chi said? I mean, the person who may or may not be Chi'. There's nothing wrong with it. Other than the fact that, to me, it fits the category of Politically Incorrect: PI. (It's also quite gaybar)

One occured on the train home from church yesterday. A group of teens behind me were talking very loudly about God and the Bible. Clearly they had studied the bible with great care, as one guys (who had the whole gay voice thing happening) pointed out that 'God' backwards was 'dog' (was very tempting to inform them about the dog-scale), told one of the others they were going to hell and said the devil was an angel who lost his wings. If I had a Bible handy, I would have contemplated giving him an old Bible-slap on the face for his Politically Incorrect-ness: PI, and make him repeat after me 'God is not dog, but you are do6!' over and over until he reached his stop. But, I'd probably get deported from Australia for being a weirdo.

Probably the majority of Politically Incorrect: PI moments occur during the innocent game of pictionary. After the CBS talk, we crashed Josh Lau's place, and played a variant of pictionary, subtlely named 'Chinese pictionary'. There are no winners and losers to this game; this provided a good reason to not participate (what's the point then...). Anyway, as a participant in the game, you are handed a stack of scrap paper, and you write a word or phrase on it. This is placed at the bottom of the stack, then passed to your neighbour, who reads this and then tries to draw it as best they can; then it is passed to their neighbour, who tries to identify what the gay is going on in the picture. This process continues until it reaches the original person. Anyway, Lorraine (a UNSW med person I met for the first time. James made a mega lame joke: Who's fault is it for the Australia's drought? Lo-rraine) put 'farmer performing artificial insemination on a cow'. Since this is a family friendly blog, I cannot provide details. But the pictures which were drawn - not family friendly in the slightest. They could also be described as Politically Incorrect: PI.

Speaking of Chinese (note: must improve segue subtlety skills), after staying in Asia for so very long (two weeks/19 years = 0.002 of my lifetime. I don't know why I even did that calculation), coming back to Australia has gotten some getting used to. I still chuckle at the mere fact that people walking on the street are Caucasian. All the ads don't have asian people in them anymore. The locals gamble with cards, not tiles. Did I mention the black hair deal? What's with that?! Not a good adapter to change, I must say. Now I feel sad...

But this is a happy blog! No more sadness.

Anyway, I came across this ad again, and it made me feel a whole heap better. lololol. It even provides a moral of the story at the end of it, how awesome.

And this reveals another thing about my surprisingly quiet co-writer, Mo. He's got Irish blood running through his veins! Tune in next week for a new fact about Mo! (This will stop once Mo puts up a post.)

Am I allowed to disclose this information? Please don't hurt me Mo =(.

Okay, I'm out. Seeya later!

Josh

A race? I thought you'd never ask.

2010-02-13T13:30:00.061+11:00

Okay, my laptop is on 20% battery life, and I have to charge it before it hits 7%. Plenty of time to finish a post.

Since touching down on Australian soil, I've realised that time really is not my friend. I've got a little under two week before I leave Sydney. So, most of my time will be dedicated to:

Organising to meet friends
Catching up with friends
Playing Wii Brawl with friends
Other things

So #1 was successfully implemented, thanks to Ajey offering his humble abode as a meeting ground. However, as for part two of the plan, Chi took this literally, and started running away from me so I could catch up with him. But Chi failed to recall his travelling prowess has resulted in the development of superhumanly massive quad and calf muscles, making the concept of 'catching up' quite impossible for mere humans like myself.

And crap, we're on 14% battery. I blame you MSN! Signing out.

To continue down the list, #3 was also unsuccessful, because nobody brought brawl =(. That's okay, maybe we'll play brawl at someone else's house; and when I say someone else, I may or may not be referring to the co-writer of the blog.

I must admit, my sadness at this revelation (no brawl) soon subsided, when Ajey informed me that he had set up a 2v2 DotA LAN downstairs. I could have kissed him at that moment. Not gaybar at all lol. After playing for a bit, more people began to turn up, and we realised we should leave and socialise. Okay, I half-lied, we realised this, but didn't act on the realisation: we kept playing until the game finished. As if leave a game unfinished, that would be plain wrong.

Oh no, a phone call interruption, brb. 11.5% oh noesies!

Anyway, the rest of the people who showed up were Baulko and Girra people. Of the people you guys know, Aimy, Cass and Trent were also present (alphabetical order; sif I show favouritism/prejudice). It was cool in itself just to see them, chat to them (more stories from Cass), and ask how much DotA/HoN they had been playing (Aimy and Trent, cough cough). It was a good day out, besides the fact that Pendle Hill is really far away from where I live =(. Oh oh, and the curry rice thing Ajey's mum whipped up was super nice. Thanks for organising Ajey!

Okay, 9.1%, not cool, but I think we'll get there.

On Wednesday, went to CBS summer edition, which is pretty much dinner plus a talk. One of the images made me laugh. The image was of Christians being sheep of the same flock (pretty common biblical image), and that we should be 'flock thinkers', not 'selfish sheep thinkers'. Too hilarious, I don't know why. I could imagine one of the sheep being put on trial:

Shephard: This sheep is being a 'selfish sheep thinker'! What do we do with selfish sheep?
Sheep: ...BAAAAAA-BAAAAA-BAAAAAAA
Shephard: ...That's right, sheep can't talk. Okay, I say we remove him from the flock! All in favour, say I!
[silence]
Shephard: Well?
Sheep at the front: ...baaa?
Sheep in unison: BAAAAAAA-BAAAA-BAAAAAAAAAA
Shephard: Frick how did I get stuck with a bunch of sheep?

So the moral of this story is to study hard at school, children, so you won't get stuck with a bunch of sheep.

However, I count myself as a sheep. And Jesus is my shephard.

Shameless Christian reference lololol.

Ok, its on 6.8%, better charge up this laptop up.

Seeya guys later,

Josh

Home Sweet Home

2010-02-09T16:09:00.000+11:00

Hello hello. Arrived in Australia yesterday; it felt like the shackles of Communism had been removed from my wrists, and the loaded shotgun of democracy had been placed firmly in my shaking hands. It's good to be home.

To wrap up my trip in Singapore, my uncle took my Dad and I to a touristy thing called 'Night Safari'. Not my kind of thing, really. I'm not much of an animal lover; however, I concede that the pair of raccoons were quite adorable. However, they taught these otters to do recycling. I almost feel compelled to report this to the RSPCA for 'wasting the precious time of unsuspecting animals'. It's just not practical nor warranted. Did they drink a can of coke then dispose of it unthoughtfully, Mr 'Night Safari', if that is your real name? I don't think so =(.

We proceeded to hop onto an open tram thing. To open, the lady gave the generic announcement which involed 'turning off the flash on your phones and cameras'. and not to make too much noise. Immediately, a baby behinds me 'coincidentally' begins to cry. What a champion. You go baby, you go.

There are some really whacked up animals which exist in this world. One creature quite literally looked like a freak surgery case, where a black ant-eater and a similarly sized beige guinea pig had been chopped in half (separating head and tail, not slicing the animal's face in half; that would be messed up and do5), and the head portion of the ant-eater had been seamlessly sewn to the tail half of the guinea pig. It's confusing, I know, 'cos now you may be thinking 'So, same deal for the left-over halves, or not?'. A mystery indeed.

Speaking of indeed (not a dodge segue in the slightest), now I have indeed travelled: to Hong Kong, then Singapore, and back to Australia. I know Chi is proud of me, and I just imagine his smiling face.

Do you guys know what Chi's smiling face looks like? Well, I don't have a photo of him; however, I'm sure Mr Leunig certainly had Chi at the forefront of his mind when he created this piece:

It's quite an accurate portrayal of Chi. Yes, Chi likes birds. Of the female variety. He also enjoys Chi tea.

Okay, we'll call it a day 'cos I must admit, I am le tired =(.

Josh

'Uh, no wait. I lied.' - a quote from the honest Strongbad

2010-02-07T17:51:00.003+11:00

Alright, so I lied. I'm gonna post again. But I'll make it super short. Kinda super short.

If you wanna see the quote in action (warning, you may find this intensely lame. I love it lol):

So yesterday, we had lunch with Dr Tay and two other of my dad's highschool friends. Both the guys were doctors, and nice guys. When asked by Dr Tay regarding what I wanted to eat, I was severely tempted to purchase the 'Burgersaurus' (described with brevity as a 'mini chicken burger with fries'), but, even surprising myself, I opted in favour of the Beef He Fen. I regretted that decision, I really did.

Dr Tay offered us some stories about his Med School days. Firstly, he noted that he hated studying, didn't turn up to lectures, and loved to play Mahjong like 24/7. Also, he said 'When exams came, I PANICKED!', and said he always relied on the test being a multiple choice question paper lololol. Somehow he passed the majority of his exams - one of his school friends then retorted something in Chinese, which translated to 'Blind chicken pokes beak and gets the worm', with regard to his insane ability to guess the right answer lol. Once, the dean had a chat with him about his marks. The dean said 'We've been monitoring you', which made Dr Tay think 'How? I never go to class, I just play Mahjong'. According to Dr Tay, it was a cycle consisting of Mahjong during semester, panic during tests, and hiding in toilet when exam results were released. lol, after saying this, he was like 'Joshua, you're not to listen to any of this, right?' Of course, I put his mind at ease. lol and lol at Dr Tay.

Went to have a family dinner with grandparents, uncles, my cousin Shawn and his companion Vanessa. I'm so not asian, did not appreciate the seafood at all; it's just not worth getting your hands all dirty just to eat crab. Vanessa, who boasted a passion for food, was seriously offended, so I quickly added 'For me, Vanessa; it's not worth it for me.' Hurray for postmodernism and subjective truths, saved me twice this week, probably more times.

After, joined Shawn and Vanessa for clubbing. Frick, Vanessa also has a massive house. While waiting for the two of them to get ready, I was looking at the pricy items in her room: Macbook, a Wii with rockband, a mounted flat-screen television, a good bed (sorry, maybe I'm just poor). When we got to the club, dang, they are a well-connected pair; we just waltzed in, by-passing the enormous cue, got in for free, and went straight to the restricted guest-list table. But even in this restricted zone, it was ridiculously packed. Yeah, it was interesting and kinda fun, but definitely not my kind of crowd, and is definitely not the kinda place to talk to a girl. So yes, I have failed you, faithful readers. I didn't fail the anonymous commenter however. It's ok, had no intention of toying with someone's emotions anyway; although I may have deceived you into thinking I was super good looking with the ability to woo girls who can speak English (darn you Cantonese, darn you), the illusion must now be extinguished. This requires both a =) and a =(. Maybe in the future, I will be able to slay a few dragons then get the fair maiden, who hopefully is kung-fu-punching her way out of the castle so we meet halfway, share stories of our travels (Chi would be proud), then discover true love. And that will be the end of that chapter...hopefully the anonymous commenter will also approve!

Also, based on the amount of smoke I have inhaled, I would not be surprised if I get lung cancer. Sadness ensues. Darn you smoking, and your insidious means to kill not only the smoker, but everyone else who dares cross their path.

Okay, best be off. I've learnt my lesson, I won't say there will not be another post.

Dang it, should've really taken that burgersaurus...

Seeya on the other side!

Josh

The Red Pill or the Blue Pill

2010-02-06T14:59:00.025+11:00

Howdilly-doodily neighbourino.

Watched an episode of 'The Simpsons' for the first time in many months. However, it was a new episode, and the quality was severely compromised. It was a mere shell of its former self, back in its heyday.

Likewise, I currently feel like a shell of my former self. The days in Singapore seem long and drawn out at present. I really don't have the impetus to do...anything. However, as unfortunate as it may seem, I've been challenged to, get this, do something, even though I don't want to do anything. How outrageous is that! But, such is life. In situations like these, you can either take the red pill or the blue pill. This is where our friend Morpheus comes in. Gotta love the sunnies.

[If you don't know what I'm talking about (deprived child), by all means, stop reading, get a copy of the Matrix and watch it. The world will be a better place, I promise.]

a) Blue pill: Stay the way you are, and embrace lethargy. Don't fight the inevitable: you'll end up sitting on the couch eventually, so you may as well stay one step ahead of fate.

b) Red pill: Get the hell up! Take on the challenge which has been presented before you, gallant knight, in spite of the dangers which may befall you.

It's the age old choice between good and evil, right and wrong, fight or flight, exercise or sleep, dentistry or law, Josh or Mosh. Clearly, we obviously want to choose the correct path (definitely good, right. exercise, dentistry and Josh), and hopefully slay a few dragons in the process with our sword of justice. Of course, the decision I must make is not as awesome or heroic as you may think. It's actually borderline pansy.

I've already detailed the challenge: Ask out a Singaporean (female). Dang it, why am I straight? Okay, for many reasons, one being the fact that I do not like penis. Wait, are there gay men who do not like penis either? Then, another reason is I like females. There we go, checkmate.

Anyway, I'm tempted to say blue pill. Firstly, it's the nicer option, and involves more couch sitting and tasty snacks. Also, I don't wanna get epic rejected. I'm not scared of rejection (if you ask me the same question a few months ago, and I probably would have responded otherwise); however, I'd prefer to avoid getting rejected. I just have a weak heart. Is that a crime? Let's hope not, I'll have a heart-attack. Furthermore, Chi had a terrible day after taking so-called 'initiative' and deciding to travel, bike style. Poor guy. The world, and good old fashioned logic are both telling me to take the blue pill.

Despite all these signs telling me to take the blue...wow, that's the first time I actually got to see the pill. I must say, it looks mighty tasty, and I'm mighty hungry. Maybe I should have Wonton Noodle Soup with essence of blue pill...

Oh my...would you look at that...

That red pill looks even more palatable! Dang, I sure would love to have Red Pill Chicken Laksa with a cup of Barley drink on the side.

Yucky. Note to self, don't make important decisions when you're hungry. Also, a good friend once told me, never shop for food when you're hungry, or you'll spend $70 on groceries and buy yakult.

Well, a man's got to eat, that's what my father always says (at heart, a very practical man). I think this provides me enough reason to take the red, and opt out of the blue.

There really must be a better way to say that. Until then, sigh, I think I'm going with the Laksa...I mean red pill. But now, what's the game plan? How to approach this challenge?

...

...

lol at anticlimax. This post serves to emphasise my severe boredom and laziness, expressed in a long and drawn out fashion =(. I am really le bored. Also hungry. This will probably be my last post whilst overseas (Chi is proud of me for travelling, I know it), so have a great weekend + Monday! Hopefully something interesting happens before I leave Singapore. Also, if I find such an awesome girl as detailed in the previous post, please focus all your energy into supplying me wit and charm. It works just like a Spirit Bomb, I promise =). Until next time!

Josh

IT'S-A ME!!

2010-02-05T11:44:00.004+11:00

HALLO! It's-a me, Ninten"Mo" Elo"Mario", and-a today, we're gonna look at-a some of my best adventures! Woohoo!

First-a up, this one!

Oofa silly me, I almost forgot, I need-a to acknowledge the uhh... unfortunate-a passing of my beloved brother Luigi, after dying from AIDS... very-a tragic. But uhh, just between you and me, I heard he got it from... how do you say... 'relations with animals'.

Anyway! Okay! Here we have a video of a grand reunion!... But I barely remember this guy.

Oh-hoho! And here-a we have a lovely holiday vacation video from me and Peach's honeymoon!

WHAT, SEX TAPE, TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF! HOW DID THAT GET THERE! MAMMA MIA! OHHH NOO! NO ONE IS MEANT TO SEE THAT UNTIL NINTENDO HAS TO RESORT TO USING THE WII REMOTE FOR, UHH, STIMULATION!

WHAT! I'M DEAD TOO! AYE-AYE-AYE! This is too much-a for me-a...

Date? It's the 5/2/2010.

2010-02-05T00:14:00.007+11:00

Howdy partners.

I must admit to Mo and Fung, I lost. We were having a MSN conversation yesterday/early today. Fung and Mo perfectly executed a 'Reverse somersault and kick-Josh-in-his-unprotected-non-steel-nether-regions'. While our conversation originally began on the topic of Sam's Ramen challenge (I am so sorry Sam : < ), it quickly turned to my dating history, and suddenly arrived at 'Josh, can you please ask out one of the Singaporean locals to dinner?' I knew time was of the essence, so I quickly retorted 'Can I not?' In these tenuous situations, answering back quickly throws them off their game; it's as if you expected them to ask the question. Also, it's particularly important that you fight questions with questions, because it bamboolzes the opponent and makes them lose their balance; hopefully, they will fall over, hit their head and forget they even asked the revolting question. However, this did not happen =(.

A huge argument of magnificent proportions ensued. Fung's argument was two-fold:

There's no consequence. Go up to her, ice-break etc and get to know her. Then, tell her you're only gonna be in town for a few more days and would like to take her to dinner, no strings attached, with the aim of eating good food, getting to know the other and have fun.
It offers 'good exp'. Granted, the relationship is going no where, but it offers both of you the dating experience, you can make mistakes with no real repercussions, and ultimately, any experience is good experience.

Of course, I had a two-fold counter-argument of my own. However, it is fair to say mine was much more simplistic than Fung's. It's complicated, so I won't dwell on it; however, in essence, my answers to his above questions were:

No thanks
I don't agree

I just flicked my eye to the television, to see my uncle watching a kung-fu movie with a woman fighter putting up a good fight against her male opponent. That would be pretty epic if my girlfriend could fight awesomely. Then, if an axe-wielding foe dared approach me, I could call out 'Darling, I'm in trouble!', and then hide behind her crane-style kung-fu as she systematically disarmed the man then crane-style palmed his nose repetitively until he ran away, looking even more girly than myself.

Anyway, I have nothing much to say about Fung's proposition. Yes, it offers a potentially fun experience, and yes, there are no observable consequence. However, it just seems wrong, I don't know why. So, what to do? How does one balance the head with the heart? I've come up with a potential resolution. 'Cos it feels so wrong, I'll go on a date, under the circumstances that she is:

Good-looking
Sense of humour. Even retarded sense of humour, just give me something to work with.
Intelligence. Most Singaporeans are reasonably well educated, so I'll let this one slide.
Christian.
Assertive. Isn't a doormat; won't put up with unreasonable crap.

Not an extensive list. It's within reasonable bounds, I think? Oh, I forgot a few things:

When I said good-looking, I actually mean hot beyond belief. When I ask 'Did you just fall from the sky, because you look as glorious as an angel', I must actually believe every word I utter, and believe this question, within reasonable bounds, will be answered 'Yes, how could you tell?', in which I will say 'You're hotness is beyond belief...lololol.'
Can sing like an angel. Girls with a beautiful voice can constitute super hot. Sure, it may be hard to show you can sing when one is in a crowded and noisy club, but this means she must also have:
Initiative. Shows she takes initiative by creating the opportunity to sing!
Like/appreciate something strange. But not too strange, otherwise I'll be forced to back away...very slowly... Something like an Anime, DotA, blogging, Arrested Development etc; something I wouldn't expect, and thus is interesting to talk about.

And thats about it. Oh wait, no, I lied. She should be 168cm tall (it's ok, I'll bring my trusty measuring tape, not awkward at all). And, one would presume she has had specialise super-hero training, so she can fly me around the world. Oh, and it would be good if she's in the process of transferring to Australia. Otherwise I'll never see her again, and that would make me sad in my heart.

Oh wait, one more thing: she should be a ninja. Then she can protect me, just like the kung-fu girl from before, since ninja are masters of all kinds forms of combat.

It's possible. Ok, maybe a little unreasonable; just a tiny bit.

You, the faithful readers, must all think I am childish. However, I must insist I can be very mature and serious when situations dictate its necessity. Oh, by the way, loving the fact that all the drinks we've bought in Singapore are consumed with straws; it's super awesome to blow bubbles into my soy bean drink =).

Okay, this mature writer should finish up his post. But, I'll part with you with a question. Mid way through semester 2 during lunch, Louise pointed out a strange phenomenum: guys tend to shower facing the shower head, while girls tend to face away from the shower head. Which makes more sense to you, and why? Of course, there are some abnormalities to this rule: Some guys face away, some girls face towards the showerhead, and a small proportion neither face towards nor away, but face in a neutral direction. I bet Chi is just walking around, changing directions constantly, and wholly uncomfortable with this concept of staying still and not travelling. I should mention, I do not consider this 'orientation relative to shower head' indicative of one's sexual preference. Not at all. Unless its true; then, I claim this as Mosh's Marvellous Measurement of...Mexual preference (it's hard to find other valid synonyms : < ). It also begs the question: what the heck is Chi and how does he roll...

Anyway, best be off! Have a good 5th Feb 2010, you're only gonna get one of them ever (Also, it just ticked over to the next day, so all my yesterdays become day before yesterday etc).

Josh

The Name of the Game is Schnapps...***

2010-02-03T01:48:00.013+11:00

It has been brought to my attention that I have failed you. I have failed you epically hard. Regarding the previous post, I failed...to make a reference to our man of the moment, Matthew Chi. Look up a dictionary, you'll see a picture of me, with the speech bubble 'I'm sowie, I failed.'

I'm so sorry. Time for a cheap laugh:

Notice what he says at the end: 'I didn't stop because of the policing worries'. And, nor shall I worry about the policing worries either. That made perfect sense, I promise. So, time to make amends to Chi!

The name of the game is schnapps. Can you keep up? Hard one to follow... ***...***. Still with me? *** Nearly forgot to do the clicks. Leave it to me. ****. Very close to the end. **. Listen closely...****. lols, all done! [*'s are clicks]

Oh wait, Chi doesn't know how to play schnapps. What a rip. Anyway, when you figure it out Chi, remember, I'm just a messenger, please don't hurt me =(.

Not much to say about the present today. Just shopping and eating. I saw two pretty girls driving in a porsche, and thought to myself 'Rich and pretty, what else could a man want'. Reprimanding myself, I then thought 'Brains, a heart which isn't as hard as stone and cold as ice, and speaks English without sounding like a parakit', and proceeded to slap my face in self-disgust. How do I keep failing to remember this? Bad Josh, very bad Josh.

Anyway, Chi and Girra people are only half of the party. Since 2009, I've updated my definition of 'Baulko people' (previously ugly fire-breathing, child-eating creatures), to a very normal and quite awesome tribe, who have the unfortunate habit of kidnapping children and feasting on their brains (you heard me, brains). Don't judge them, they are only human like you and me.

Ajey, formally Agey according to Chi. lol, Ajey. That's would be my generic greeting for Ajey; I don't exactly know why. I think I just find it funny that I, the most unlucky of people (having -15 Luck points), was so fortunate to run into Ajey at uni. He does the exact same course as me (who would have thought another person would choose something as ridiculous as Science/Law; however, he is enjoying the course, unlike a unnamed person =[, sadness), and he pretty much brought our entire group together.
Cass - Good old Cass. Cass = storyteller. We concluded that it would be impossible for me to repay the debt of stories I owe to her, considering the millions and billions she has told me. Also has a 'healthy' rivalry with Joon in pool. Well, if 'healthy' is defined as eating deep-friend food every meal for 6 meals a day (breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, supper), and you suck on a deep fried chicken as a dummy while you sleep, then yes, its very very healthy. One more thing: she sees people in colours. Apparently, I'm yellow; not racist at all, ey?
Jess - lol Jess. Mo showed her 'Can I have your number', and as a first reaction, told Mo it was not funny and super lame. Oh, dayam girl. Big mistake. I made it super lame for her, by quoting lines from it pretty much every time I saw her. lololol. Oh, also, CHTATL, nothing more to say, other than not suss at all. lol and lol.
Sam (she's a girl) - didn't see Sam all that much this year, but when she was around, 'twas awesome. I remember one time when we were playing pool in particular: I was retelling to Jess, Aimy and Chi the story of Fung's ramen challenge. Ramen challenge is eating a retardedly massive bowl of ramen (weight of ramen is based on your weight, generally around 2kg of ramen) and the super salty soup in 60 minutes. After telling it, Sam gave Jess a pensive look, and then said 'What a girl! [i.e. Fung is a girl, I thought it necessary to make that clear; should I reiterate?] I think I could take that.' That just made me massive LOL. Good old Sam lol.
Viv - Viv! My ACC church buddy, who I didn't get to know at ACC. She's one of those ninja type who people who seem to be simply nice and sweet 'cos they aren't outspoken. Don't get tricked; as a ninja, she also has the ability to roundhouse kick your butt if you're not careful. All-round awesome person to be around, and knows how to play CS! But Viv, why keep headshotting me =(. Made me so sad.

Anyway, thanks Baulko people! You've made my year at least 5 more awesome, maybe 10 more awesome. I will offer you a young Caucasian child as a peace offering. I promise it's not the one I abducted from Hong Kong. Not that I abducted a Caucasian child in Hong Kong. Who do you think I am anyway? Why am I on trial??

Anyway, quick story from the past. Man, I hope that the people detailed in these stories can't sue me for defamation or some dodgy law dealio. Don't do it, I beg you.

Year 10: Bin Licking Goodness. I won’t dwell on this story. Pretty much, Fatty dared VJ to lick the bin, with the presumption that no one in their right mind would take him up on the dare. Possibly unwisely, he put a $10 wager on it, which may have incited VJ into doing it. Furthermore, he failed give VJ a full-body physical to check if he had balls of steel. This may or may not have lead to Fatty’s decision to undertake medicine, lest he suffer another loss of $10 to another steely-balled man. After much discussion, VJ completed the task, licking the bin outside surface. Fatty tried his best to back out; he claimed that wasn’t enough, and VJ in fact had to lick the inside of bin; VJ looked at him, then BAM, he licked the entire inside circumference of the bin. Then lol, Fatty, realising his defeat, fobbed off a ripped $10 note, despite VJ’s amazing display of courage, mind-over-matter attitude and the profound ability to turn off one’s tastebuds to suppress the gag reflex. I'm also surprised, yet happy, that VJ didn't get AIDS.

Okay, it's late. Valentine's Day is coming up. I think a certain someone should be thinking carefully about that. And don't say 'Shame, Valentine's Day is on the same day as Chinese New Year. Maybe next year, and I promise I'll be super romantic?' I promise you will get a cosmic-sized slap on the face on every minute, of every hour, of every day, of 2010. And that would be a testament to the kind-heartedness and mercy of the girl on the other end. lol and lol.

Josh

Haha, stories. I get jokes.

2010-02-01T15:24:00.023+11:00

So, what's been happening Joshie?

What the heck? Who said that?

...

I guess I shouldn't complain; he/she/it is quite well mannered, and I do like the childish spin on my name. Wait, a second: the only person who calls me Joshie is Moley! I feel alive doing this detective work; also, this is totally not contrived, I promise.

So, to answer your question Moley, I'm in Singapore right now. Been surprisingly good as well. I met this hilarious guy called Dr Tay; he was my dad's highschool friend. I'll tell you two stories he recounted for me, one short and one long.

So, back when he was a child in Malaysia, healthcare was pretty dodgy, and Chinese herbal medicine was used extensively. He was telling me how effective it was. One time, he had a fever, so his mother called in the doctor. The treatment at the time was quite strange: the doctor would get out coins, and scratch two parallel lines on his chest, fiercely digging the coins into Dr Tay's skin while Dr Tay screamed in pain until visible red lines emerged. When the chinese doctor asked him 'Has your fever gone away', Dr Tay would quickly reply 'Yes! All better!!' How super effective is that technique? Truly awesome. Also, Chinese dentists are super efficient. When Dr Tay went to see the hospital regarding a tooth ache, the dentist worked hastily to tie a string around his tooth, and BANG, took the tooth right out. The dentist then asked 'Has the tooth ache gone away?' Dr Tay quickly replied 'Yes! All better now, thank you doctor!!!'

Even in later years, when Dr Tay was practicing as an intern, there were some seriously retarded stories. There was one patient, who had fractured his leg. He called over the doctor who was treating him, and told him there was something wrong. Dr Tay was observing from a distance, as the conversation progressed:

Doctor: What's wrong?
Patient: Doctor, I'm in pain!
Doctor: Where is the pain?
Patient: My right leg! I've fractured my right leg
Doctor: Okay, but we've treated you.
Patient: You put a cast on my left leg! The pain is in my right leg!

However, the doctor was very smart. He proceeded to tell the patient that he was wrong; the problem was in his left leg. After the patient insisted that his right leg was in pain, the doctor asked him 'Are you a doctor?' Check mate. However, Dr Tay went to check the X-Ray; the fracture was indeed in the right leg. lololol.

Dr Tay told us many stories, but this one was particularly hilarious. Whilst driving, Dr Tay explained to us why he was such a bad driver. Back when he was a teenager, he wanted to learn to drive, and get his driver's license. So he rung up his brother, and asked him to teach him to drive. So his brother said 'Ok, leave it to me'. For two months, Dr Tay got nothing. Then, three months later, his brother rings him up: 'Ok, come to the driving centre'. So he catches a train up to the centre, and finds his brother: 'So, what are we going to do?' His brother tells him he's gonna get his license now, which prompted the response 'WHAT! RIGHT NOW'. His brother hushes him, and tells him 'Don't worry, just follow the man's instructions.' Dr Tay replies 'I HAVEN'T DRIVEN A CAR BEFORE, AND YOU WANT ME TO GET MY LICENCE??' Eventually, he complies, and goes up to the driving instructor and sits in the car. The instructor gives him the keys, and tells him to start the engine. But lol, Dr Tay didn't know where the ignition was. But, the instructor just continued to fill out papers, and tells him Dr Tay has driven well and gives him his license. lol, not corrupt at all.

Dr Tay later decided it would be wise to actually learn how to drive. So he goes to take a course in driving. The first thing the driver asked was:
'Do you have a license', in which Dr Tay replied 'Yesssssssss, of course I do'.
So, the instructor told him to start the engine. lol. When Dr Tay failed to start the engine, the instructor asked
'Do you know how to start the engine', in which Dr Tay replied 'I forgot.'
Again, the instructor asks 'Do you really have a license'. Dr Tay replied 'Yesssssssss, of course I do. Here, it's a Malaysian license.'
After some suspicious glances, he showed Dr Tay how to start the car and move it off the curb. So, after driving for a while, they approach a light which turns amber, then red. The instructor tells him to stop; Dr Tay went right through the red light. So the instructor shouted:
'WHAT THE HELL, I TOLD YOU TO STOP!', in which Dr Tay replied 'I forgot'. In fact, Dr Tay did not know where the brakes were. So, the instructor pulls on the handbrake, and makes the car come to a halt. He asked:
'Do you know how to drive or not?' So he decides to confess 'This is my first time driving.' The instructor nearly fell off his chair, and after composing himself, he asked:
'How did you get your license then?', in which Dr Tay replied innocently 'Why, it's Malaysia.' lololol, you go Doctor Tay, you go.

My gosh, was laughing for 10 minutes straight on the car trip up.

Okay! Story from the past! Following the whole medical trend (dw, it's a short story):

Year 9: The curious case of Jimmy Kim. Somehow, Jimmy was able to break two of his limbs, one after the other, separated only months apart. You probably think I’m sadistic, but trust me, it was just so ridiculously unlucky and unfortunate. He managed to break his right arm whilst playing soccer (ball coming at him; instead of kicking the ball, he kicked a blade of grass, lost balance and broke his fall with his arm; sad yet punny). After recuperating from this injury, he was playing basketball and managed to break his leg playing basketball (performed an AFL style ‘specky’ to catch the ball, returned to the Earth awkwardly). Jimmy now involuntarily flinches when he see footballs, basketballs, plasticine casts and anything which is bent out of shape. However, he has since undergone 'medical' surgery to make his nose razor sharp and straight; possibly a coping mechanism. You know I love you, Jimmy.

Ok, I'm off, gonna finally see Avatar/Pocahontas in 3D with my uncle!

Josh

P.S. Is the $5 Australian note really purple in colour? Dang, I've been overseas for too long =(.

Past and Present Unite!

2010-02-01T02:30:00.006+11:00

After hanging out with Kenny and Arthur two days ago, and reminiscing over years past, I was inspired to recount some stuff from my highschool days. However, there's still stuff to be said about stuff happening in this stuffy city I like to call Singapore. So, the next few posts will be a pairing of past stories and current events.

So let's start with the present. Arrived last night in Singapore at 10:50pm, and I'm staying at my uncle's place. He's a cool guy. No joke. He's a reformed stock broker, has heaps of these random tycoon friends he tells me stories about. However, he also nearly went bankrupt some years back, but still picked himself up and got rich again. Now, he's semi-retired, and deals in Asian art as a past-time.

Last night, he was telling us all these stories about how the business world is fail. But, on story in particular was very much the definition of awesome. It was a story where the banks actually lose: this was of special interest to me, as I had been taught well by Mr Dunkerley: Banks = legalised mafia (think about it, you know he makes a good point). So, one of my uncle's friends is a Indonesian tycoon. From his businesses, he had roughly $10 milion USD debts with 5 banks. He rung up my uncle, and asked him to tell the banks that he was about to die. This is a technique called 'hair-cutting'. Essentially, if dead, all the debt becomes immaterial, and 'the papers become toilet paper', as my uncle put it. My uncle would tell the bank "He's about to die', and advise them to cut their losses: reduce the debt of $10 million USD to $1 million USD or thereabout, payable immediately. It's hilarious, cos the bank does panic, and does comply with this agreement. Take that banks; evil doesn't pay. It actually costs you roughly $9 million USD each. However, this sends a bad moral lesson, that one should pay back evil with evil. Sadness.

Anyway, Singapore has just been a delightful combination of stories from my uncle, and lots of food. Lots and lots and lots of food. The resemblence between my body and a beach ball will be uncanny.

Now some stories from the past! Hurray

Year 8: Hanjoo and Friends Happy Hour.
It was a lunch time, and Hanjoo had broken his pinky finger from messing up a catch on a rugby ball bombed up into the air. So we crowded around him after he hit the ground, not knowing the extent of the injury at the time. However, a smile crept on Howard’s face, and he announced “Haha, Hanjoooooooooooooooooooo! Get up, you’re not hurt!” In Howard’s defence, many of us started to doubt whether Hanjoo was indeed telling the truth. Nevertheless, we should all learn a lesson from the moment which followed: Whether or not you believe the person, if a person claims to have injured his foot, don’t grab at his foot; if he claims his neck is injured, don’t touch his neck. Similarly, if a person claims he has seriously injured his pinky finger, don’t attempt to pull him off the ground by forcefully grabbing his hands. A deafening roar of pain was unleashed and next thing you know, Howard is running for his life from Hanjoo, with Howard shouting “SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY!” I was just amazed at Howard’s quick reaction time to commence his bolt prior to the primal roar, but right after Hanjoo’s face scrunched up and eyes screamed in pain.

Year 8: The ‘I Love School’ program.

The school supplied us with a whole heap of bumper stickers about slowing down for kids in school zones. In our science classroom, a whole bunch of discarded stickers were on the tables in the back row. Bored and tired from a gruelling day at school, Fatty and Michael decided to make a game out of putting these stickers on Mr Ballantyne’s back. In their defence (I feel like such a law student), Mr Ballantyne was well-renowned as a lazy guy with an indifference towards pretty much everything, save for Diablo II (which is an AWESOME game, mind you). Well, Mr Bal did not take this well at all; we postulated that he took this stunt as a shot at his weight, because we think there may have been mention of ‘wide load’ on the bumper sticker. Mr Bal asked for the people to own up; it’s especially funny ‘cos I'm pretty sure Michael didn’t own up, making Jit take the fall for him. Jit, you are a good man. Whilst venting his anger, to the extent Mr Ball can actually vent anger (he didn’t even change his tone of voice), I’m pretty sure he said something along the lines of ‘One or two stickers is just having fun; three stickers is taking it too far’. lol and lol. Anyway, Jit and Fatty had to undertake the ‘I Love School’ program, which involved school service, signatures from parents acknowledging their 'enrollment' into the program, and getting teacher's signatures on a weekly basis to monitor their behaviour in the class. Though my memory is a bit hazy, I recall Ashton Kutcher coming into the classroom, just to say 'You just got ILoveSchool'ed!' Stupid celebrities and their excessive time and money to come to our humble land just to attack Fats and Jit.

Hurray for the powers of past and present combining! Is that Captain Planet? Oh, it's actually Chi. How does he keep up his travelling exploits whilst being such an active environmentalist? I don't know. I just don't know.

Anyway, sorry about the lateness of this post. I've been out since the last post unfortunately; however, I did promise a double post. This is as close as I could manage. Seeya later!

Josh

P.S. My cousin took me to see the match between Federer and Murray. lol and lol at Murray, I thought he had a chance in the 3rd set. Epic tie-break, loved every minute of it. Thanks for taking me Shawn!

TTAN - Those are the initials for 2009.

2010-01-31T18:31:00.002+11:00

I'm gonna be double posting, cos there's too much to say =(.

Who can honestly say 'I actually know the in's and out's of Mo and Josh's 2009?' I was a bad guy in 2009; I put in a grand total of 1 point of effort to maintain my friendships with high school friends. In that sense, uni was a real pain. Most of our grade would probably have been faced with a similar dilemma. Anyway, here's an opportunity to cheat and gain a little insight into the life of Mo and I in 2009.

...

...

lol super anticlimax. lol and lol. Where to begin? Well, one thing that defined my 2009 was pretty horrid work ethic. Sads. It was pretty shocker. Chi can testify to that. Last semester, Chi and I had a MATH1903 tutorial after our Stats lecture. Without fail, one of us would convince the other not to attend the tute. And it wasn't like we were mentally drained: all we had done in the Stats lecture was watch Lex play Pokemon on his iPhone. Another running joke was the number of Physics lectures I had attended compared to a Girraween guy called Trent. For more than half the year, Trent had attended more Physics lectures than me. Fortunately, in the end, I outstripped him; however, it doesn't say much 'cos Trent didn't actually do Physics =(.

However, poor work ethic did free up a lot of time to talk with our new found Baulko and Girra buddies, eat food and play pool. Let me give them a quick introduction to the Girra, I'll do Baulko in another post:

Girra people:

Chi - well, you should know him quite well. On the first few days after meeting him, Mo was eating some Cheetos, and Chi said in disgust: 'What are you doing Mo, those are mine!' Chi's-balls = Cheese Balls = Cheetos. I loved it; Mo was significantly less impressed. I think he was disgusted at Chi admitting his balls were made out of cheese.
Trent - one has to meet him to appreciate him. Also, if you're playing pool and you pull a Trent, that means you've hit the cue, it's gone in the opposite direction to where you wanted it to go, but nevertheless you sink 2-3 balls.
Aimy - she is a top-notch girl. Her name is Aimy, not Amy (not that I have anything against Amy) AND she can rap FOTC's Hiphopopotomus vs Rhymenoceros AND she plays DotA. Is this what love is?

In pool, there's a healthy rivalry between Girra and Ruse. One thing I should note is that the Girra people are far FAR better than us in pool. For example, we had been playing for about half an hour, and girra was up 4-1 in games. Normally at this point, Joon would call for the next game to be the 'Ultimate Winner' game, which simply meant "We're getting trounced, but if we win this next game, the past is forgotten and we win everything." This was a concept sported by Jimmy Kim back in Year 11, as an excuse to play a final round of 500 after the bell had rung for the end of lunch. Anyway, during the 'Ultimate Winner' game, Joon would always claim that Ruse were the Mighty Ducks - we lost all the previous games for theatrical effect, only to emphasise the awesomeness of our final victory. It's a shame that we ordinarily brought shame to the name of the Mighty Ducks =(. But, whenever we did manage to win the 'Ultimate Winner' game, Joon would declare to the entire world 'The Mighty Ducks never lose', and the question would be raised 'Why did you even play against us?' Good old Girra.

Anyway, the moral of that story is CHTATL. If you understood that (and don't lie to yourself), hurray, you have been thoroughly brainwashed and I lol at you. Chi should balance his travels with practicing pool so he is never embarrased by Joon again. That's the last of my moral stories. (For a little while).

Gotta go, more to write!

Josh

P.S. Regarding Mo's post, I deny any allegations he has made, especially the washing bit. Dont believe him! Mo = oM = 0.5 (MooM) = 0.5(MoM - 0) = 0.5 (MoM) = 0.5 (Mask of Madness) = 0.5 (Generally bad item in DotA, but liars will say it's always good item, even on Zeus) = 0.5 (Liar) = Liar [rounds up]. It's a good thing I always show my working out - hurray for good Maths teachers like Mr Perrins. Otherwise Mr Woodhouse would've attacked me with a red-pen-cross on my face.

Wealth in the wood

2010-01-30T17:20:00.000+11:00

Good afternoon,

Contrary to appearances, this blog is actually a two-man effort. Except one of the men is a cyber mickeymouse man who just leeches cyberspace. (hint: not me). So the poor old lebrechaun has no chance to get his HITIDIDDLIDINGEYAYAHAHA shillelagh into action.

A bit about mosh.

My name is mo, I run this show, I'm from the snow, didn't you know?

His name is josh, he needs a wash, and wants your dosh... so don't give it to him.

Josh has had enough of the limelight now, so it's my turn. More about mo:
- I like beards.
- I like footy.
- I like beards.
- I like rally.
- I like beards.
- I like rap.
- I like beards.
- I like beards.
- I like beards.
- I like women.
- I don't like women having beards. That's gnarly.

Now, what can you expect from me? Well as long as this dota-playing gold coast dentist has internet, it's going to be him doing most of the talking. And we have to be good to our mr. vice captain and let him talk, otherwise he unleashes his hidden toothy fury (not that i can't handle it, i'm just saving my energy for when i need to epically rescue cats out of trees for hot sexy ladies). But you will see me from time to time, giving you the perspective on the world you all should pay money for (hence the upcoming ads). And you'll also see Chi mentioned sporadically in our posts.

That's it, I have to go now, more to come later.

Have a nice day,
- mo