Saturday, February 5, 2011

ß

Ah, you might say, Beta? Are you being Beta-tested mo? Wrong. It's the Eszett.

Eszett for life motherfluffer*.

I wanted to draw to your attention what it is I exactly do on the internet. Most of the time I read informative articles on the world, on specific topics, whatever. But I'm not talking that. I'm talking fun stuff. And here are three I want to point out in particular.

First off, IT'S TEAM GENIUS!



They have a short series that is full of awesomeness, and are currently uploading season 2 to Youtube.

Second, IT'S THE YOGSCAST!



That video doesn't give justice to how awesome these guys' series are. They play a whole bunch of games, including WoW, Fallout: New Vegas, Minecraft, and whatever comes out, and they are just freaken hilarious about it.

Third, IT'S CR1TIKAL!



Just watch him.

Gotta go, keep reading Josh's posts, he is a very funny man and he likes it when people read them, it makes his man-love for Chi have purpose.

-mo

*josh doesn't like me swearing. he threatens me with johnny gan.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

CNY Present...

So, since I'm not married, I can't give each of the readers a red packet.

However, I can give you 'Asian' media to watch!  Hope you enjoy Johnny Gan LOL.  Courtesy of my cousins from Melbourne.


Pongo may or may not be chasing after Chi.  You'd be surprised, Pongo is fast on his feet.

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

-Josh

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Chinese New Year!

So, it's Chinese New Year's Eve!  A new year has never really begun until Of course, since the readers of this blog may or may not have seen me, and thus may or may not be completely unaware of my ethnic background.  Though ordinarily, in honour of Mr Yeo and the secrecy surrounding his own ethnicity, I would keep this in the dark (Did I say dark?  How racist.), the occasion demands this revelation.  Yes sir, I am an ABC.  I love KFC, with a side of SPC.  I play on PS3's.  I bank with ANZ and insure stuff with NIB.  Sure, I don't mind AFL, but support NRL - no betting with TAB however.  Love UFC - especially playing on PS3.  Yes, I am certainly an ABC.  QED.

Anyway, in welcoming in the new year as the Year of the Rabbit, I thought I'd point out some key reasons why rabbits are awesome.

1. 'Rabbit' is a cool word.  Say 'rabbit' 20 times and you start to say 'ribbit'.  And we know that frogs are awesome, as proven by Jiraiya and Naruto.  Clearly a cool word.
2. Rabbits are cute and furry.  Exhibit A:

3. Rabbits are smart, as shown by Bugs Bunny (its a rabbit, not a hare.  I asked him personally).  Seriously, aside from his mad evasion skills, that guy can make a mean speech.
4. Rabbits taught Chi specialised travelling skills: Scurrying, jumping, pouncing, and most importantly, hopping (which, in turn gave birth to many derivatives like hopscotch, hip hop, Hopawarty).
5. Rabbits are celebrated in popular media - Alice in Wonderland and The Matrix.
6. Rabbits have mad reproduction skills.
7. Rabbits are clean creatures: Not only do they groom themselves, but did you know that rabbits cannot vomit?  Also, Bugs Bunny pays close attention to his personal hygiene.
8. Even if you don't like rabbits, you could kill them if you must.  Then you can eat them - Yum!  Even in death, they are selfless creatures.

I'll leave it at that: Eight's a lucky number, right?  Even though its 2 times 4.  

Hope everyone has a Happy Chinese New Year!

-Josh  

Friday, January 21, 2011

If a European guy asks you where Parameter Road is...

I've had this 'invitation' on facebook for a while now: 'Compliment a Stranger' day.  To the untrained eye, this may seem...nice.  I hate to be a pain, but I do have a few minor problems with it.  Firstly, 'stranger danger'.  How could such a well established statement be wrong?  More importantly, it rhymes - stranger rhymes with danger, and danger with stranger, (and manger, but not hanger) - and this makes its truthfulness resonate universally.  

However, its deception is more subtle.  It presumes that we all innately are able to deliver compliments with ease.  Of course, this may be true for some.  For example, Mo - he has been knighted (I think by the Queen...Or was it by the band...Wait, was he actually knighted?) for his 72 minute long speech, where every sentence was a compliment.  But for others, paying compliments may not be our strong suit.

Anyway, why should we keep compliments to a single day?  We should compliment people everyday!  Maybe just not to strangers - be strong and please, stay away from the candy.  Regardless, I thought I'd provide three simple ground rules for making compliments, as a guide for the kind-hearted readers of this blogs (yes, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you are kind-hearted.  It's a safe assumption given that there is probably no-one actually reading this blog - I know I wouldn't be).

Rule 1: There's never a bad time to pay a compliment!

Example: Hey man, cool haircut!  Oh, it's like that cos you're balding?  At least you won't have to pay for haircuts in the future!

Chi was the first to test drive this compliment.  He soon discovered the man was a Russian bounty hunter: the feared 'Balding Boris'.  And yes, he's been skiing down the slopes, dodging bullets, running for his life - you know, all that jazz.  Man, Chi gets to travel so much...


Rule 2: If the situation is awkward, remedy it with a compliment!

[Your friend (party-er wannabe) finds out he wasn't invited to a party on the weekend hosted by a mutual friend (Hoster of Party/Parties).  A confrontation ensues...so say something along the lines of...]

Example: Hey, by the way, great party!  (then whisper to other friend: No it wasn't really a great party, I'm just trying to pay a compliment...but good job on the assignment over the weekend!)

Double compliment = Double diffusion of awkwardness.

Rule 3: Honest compliments are always the best compliments.

Example: You know what?  You look really good with make up on.  Much better than...well, you know.  Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch better.  [For some reason, immediately after making this comment, I impulsively sprinted away.  The oddities of life.]

Anyway, I'm off, happy complimenting!

-Josh

P.S.  Before I forget this story I was told:  My friend had a European guy as his Engineering teacher back in high school.  There was this one day where the whole class was racking their brains to figure out what the teacher was talking about.  The teacher kept saying (with a strong accent)  'Do you know where Parameter Road is?  I need to get to Parameter Road tonight.'  Finally, they figured out that he meant 'Parramatta', just pronouncing it terribly.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Sherlock Holmes was in fact the murderer?! I must have missed that part...

Last week, to my great disappointment, I discovered a fatal flaw in the game 'Cluedo'.  I was running around from room to room, making all these wild accusations about the other civilised members around the table.  Candlestick this, wrench that.  Firstly, this is completely not in my character.  I'd never make an accusation without some sort of fact base.  C'mon, who does that?

'So, at 9:55pm last night, did I not see you dancing with the deceased in the ballroom? A salsa, if I recall correctly?  Where was I at the time, you ask?  Hm...let me think...oh yes, I was having a marathon match of snooker in the billards room with Mr Green!  Oh dear...okay, accusation withdrawn.  BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU MR GREEN?!  Oh that's right, snooker match, got it...'

But what vexed me the most was the fact that in this game, I was apparently the murderer.  How does one forget killing the Professor with a knife in the kitchen??  Obviously, if I knew this fact, I would have done the smart thing and run off the game board away from all these crazed crime-solving yuppies, gone to Monopoly, jumped into the car and rented a place to sleep in.  (Not Mayfair of course; I'm too Asian for that.)  Stupid lousy communist game.

Though flawed, just like communism taught us something, we can also learn things from Cluedo.  The murderer was Mrs White, and probably will always be Mrs White.  This is why I don't trust amiable elderly ladies on the street.

And I didn't get to say this last post: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

-Josh

Monday, January 17, 2011

Even Chi is sometimes forced to travel. Clearly, there is something wrong with our world.

It came to my attention that one unnamed author of this blog UNEXPECTEDLY DITCHED the audience of this blog (for example, Chi.  Actually, he stopped reading the blog long ago, as a weak act of defiance.  The blog drew so much attention to him, many unwholesome organisations invested millions of dollars to determine who or what this 'Chi' was.  At least he got some practice in travelling - away from multiple assassins and spies.  Despite being hunted down, his main concern seems to be, and I quote: "Now how am I supposed to get a job???").

Furthermore, the other unnamed author of the blog LIED MALICIOUSLY to the audience of this blog (for example, Chi.  Not again - force of habit), claiming there would be more posts in the near future.

Upon careful discussion with the other author of this blog, we realised our foolishness.  As moral, upright Australian citizens, we couldn't stand idly by while our faithful audience felt abandoned and deceived  (most importantly, deceived).  We decided to atone for these past wrongs.  Make amends as it were.  Seek repentance.  Make up for these atrocities.

Then we suffered some technical difficulties (we lost the password to access the blog).

...

BUT, NOW WITH PASSWORD IN HAND, WE ARE BACK!!!

!!!

!!!

And, we're gone again.  Goodbye!

-Josh

P.S. At least this time, we said goodbye.  Stay tuned for our next episode, which may or may not contain some actual content!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

just a conversation between the blog author and... himself. stay tuned for rekindled blog!


11:09:11 PM

Joshua


LOL

11:09:12 PM

Joshua


LOLOL

11:09:14 PM

Joshua


vicarious

11:09:17 PM

Joshua


jealousy

11:09:19 PM

Joshua


thats a new one

11:09:21 PM

mo e


uhh

11:09:27 PM

mo e


vicarious

11:09:28 PM

Joshua


damn you

11:09:28 PM

mo e


thats a term

11:09:30 PM

mo e


ive only heard

11:09:33 PM

Joshua


i tried to repackage

11:09:33 PM

mo e


in commercial law class

11:09:36 PM

Joshua


the same thing

11:09:40 PM

Joshua


as jealousy

11:09:43 PM

Joshua


and see if u bought it

11:09:51 PM

mo e


lol

11:09:52 PM

Joshua


vicarious

11:09:53 PM

mo e


no you just

11:09:54 PM

mo e


confused me

11:09:57 PM

Joshua


u know what that is right?

11:10:01 PM

Joshua


ms mason

11:10:03 PM

Joshua


loved that word

11:10:05 PM

mo e


i dont know the definition of the adjective

11:10:05 PM

Joshua


i would know

11:10:15 PM

Joshua


i had to cope with 2 years of her

11:10:17 PM

mo e


i only know 'vicarious liability'

11:10:21 PM

Joshua


LOL

11:10:26 PM

mo e


and even then i can barely remember what that means

11:10:30 PM

Joshua


well

11:10:32 PM

Joshua


vicarious

11:10:36 PM

Joshua


is like

11:10:40 PM

Joshua


through another body

11:10:43 PM

Joshua


vicarious experience

11:10:53 PM

Joshua


u experience it through some1 else experiencing it

11:10:55 PM

mo e


makes me think of a vicar :|

11:11:02 PM

Joshua


though u were not there

11:11:03 PM

Joshua


obviously

11:11:09 PM

Joshua


oitherwise u would experience it

11:11:13 PM

Joshua


independent of them

11:11:17 PM

Joshua


so like

11:11:20 PM

mo e


ohhhh

11:11:21 PM

Joshua


people who do not go to annua

11:11:23 PM

mo e


so it does make sense

11:11:23 PM

Joshua


annual

11:11:25 PM

mo e


for a vicar

11:11:30 PM

Joshua


experience it vicariously through our retelling

11:11:34 PM

mo e


ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

11:11:37 PM

mo e


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

11:11:39 PM

Joshua


LOL

11:11:44 PM

mo e


mind-flow of knowledge!

11:11:59 PM

Joshua


U UNDERSTOOD THE WORD VICARIOUS, VICARIOUSLY

11:12:02 PM

Joshua


oh baby

11:12:04 PM

mo e


oh god

11:12:06 PM

mo e


that is meta

11:12:07 PM

Joshua


LOL

11:12:13 PM

Joshua


meta-gay

11:12:17 PM

Joshua


thats the new in-word

11:12:20 PM

mo e


uhhh

11:12:21 PM

mo e


thats just

11:12:22 PM

mo e


gay

11:12:26 PM

Joshua


no

11:12:28 PM

Joshua


meta-gay

11:12:28 PM

Joshua


lololol

11:12:32 PM

mo e


no im saying

11:12:34 PM

Joshua


what does that mean

11:12:34 PM

mo e


meta-gay

11:12:36 PM

mo e


is gay

11:12:39 PM

Joshua


no

11:12:41 PM

Joshua


its meta-gay

11:12:44 PM

mo e


oh

11:12:48 PM

mo e


so meta-gay is meta-gay

11:12:52 PM

Joshua


yessir

11:12:55 PM

Joshua


thus the meta

11:12:59 PM

mo e


but

11:13:02 PM

Joshua


(once again, what is meta)

11:13:04 PM

mo e


if meta-gay is meta-gay

11:13:05 PM

mo e


then its not

11:13:07 PM

mo e


meta-gay

11:13:10 PM

Joshua


yes

11:13:17 PM

Joshua


thus the antithesis

11:13:20 PM

Joshua


of meta-gayness

11:13:34 PM

Joshua


(again, what is meta???)

11:13:46 PM

mo e


meta is meta

11:13:46 PM

Joshua


this is meta-lame

11:13:50 PM

Joshua


not knowing what meta means

11:13:51 PM

mo e


its very meta-lame

11:14:00 PM

Joshua


meta-mundane

11:14:06 PM

Joshua


meta-train

11:14:12 PM

Joshua


city rail is meta-gay

11:14:16 PM

Joshua


u know its true

11:14:22 PM

mo e


no its just gay

11:14:31 PM

Joshua


u mean

11:14:33 PM

Joshua


meta-gay

11:14:35 PM

mo e


no

11:14:37 PM

mo e


i really mean

11:14:38 PM

mo e


cityrail

11:14:40 PM

mo e


is gay

11:14:42 PM

Joshua


lolol

11:14:52 PM

Joshua


damn u

11:14:56 PM

Joshua


and not embracing meta

11:15:00 PM

mo e


its GAYBAR

11:15:03 PM

mo e


GAYBARGAYBAR

11:15:04 PM

Joshua


u win this round

11:15:05 PM

Joshua


lololol

11:15:06 PM

Joshua


gaybarrrrr

11:15:12 PM

Joshua


okay

11:15:14 PM

Joshua


meta won't make it

11:15:18 PM

mo e


well

11:15:20 PM

Joshua


its dead and buried

11:15:20 PM

mo e


ill give meta

11:15:21 PM

mo e


its due

11:15:24 PM

mo e


when meta is meta

11:15:26 PM

mo e


but josh

11:15:29 PM

Joshua


meta is just

11:15:31 PM

Joshua


a cool word

11:15:33 PM

mo e


cityrail is just gay

11:15:36 PM

Joshua


lol

11:15:36 PM

Joshua


yessir

11:15:37 PM

Joshua


it is

11:15:44 PM

mo e


whereas

11:15:50 PM

mo e


what did we say was meta-gay before?

11:15:58 PM

Joshua


meta-gay is meta-gay

11:16:05 PM

Joshua


thus antithesis arises

11:16:43 PM

mo e


this is a bit of a ros and guil moment

11:16:51 PM

mo e


lets cherish it

11:16:51 PM

Joshua


yes

11:16:52 PM

Joshua


quite

11:16:54 PM

Joshua


hahahaha

11:16:55 PM

Joshua


yay

11:16:57 PM

Joshua


we managed it

11:16:59 PM

Joshua


all on our own

11:17:07 PM

mo e


but what does it mean?

11:17:10 PM

Joshua


did we?

11:17:15 PM

mo e


didn't we?

11:17:24 PM

Joshua


how can it be?

11:17:52 PM

mo e


it can't

11:17:56 PM

Joshua


=(

11:18:06 PM

Joshua


weren't we fighting?

11:18:09 PM

Joshua


damn you

11:18:12 PM

mo e


uhh

11:18:13 PM

Joshua


and ending the game

11:18:16 PM

mo e


lol

11:18:20 PM

mo e


sorry

11:18:23 PM

Joshua


hahaha

11:18:24 PM

Joshua


nw

11:18:27 PM

Joshua


r+g

11:18:29 PM

mo e


ive played enough games in my time (H)

11:18:31 PM

Joshua


destined to fail eventually

11:18:34 PM

Joshua


lol

11:18:34 PM

Joshua


ok

11:18:38 PM

mo e


well they didnt have a choice

11:18:39 PM

mo e


did they

11:18:54 PM

Joshua


nein

11:19:26 PM

mo e


ack ja

11:19:35 PM

Joshua


jack?

11:19:51 PM

Joshua


i r confused

11:19:56 PM

mo e


im being german ffs