I stumbled across this and thought this made for interesting reading. Author: Chris Fung, aka Fung.
"I have an ab
I know this is true because I found it hurting one day while I was doing situps.
More than this, my ab, by all appearances seems to be quite stupid, and a terrible conservationalist.
Here is a log of our conversation yesterday.
AB:
So err... OUCH ... jeez.. I'm not sure really how to say this but, FUCK LOOK CAN YOU STOP THAT FOR JUST ONE SECOND. .... [beat] ouch.... look just talk to me for a sec... no don't OW... okayokayokay we don't have to talk, just stop for a second so I can think. FUCK WHY WON"T YOU STOP.
Okay fine, we aren't going to stop, and it's clear you don't want to talk .... fine. whatever. just tell me one thing.
WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND GOOD AND A CAUSE FOR DELIGHT IN THIS UNREMITTING HELL OF OURS, WHY
WHY ARE WE TRYING TO DO 3000 SITUPS?
I DONT UNDERSTAND IT
DO YOU ENJOY MY PAIN?
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF COMPANIONABLE SILENCE, WHY DO YOU CHOOSE NOW TO HURT ME?
I THOUGHT WE HAD A GODDAMN UNDERSTANDING MAN. YOU EAT WHATEVER MEAT YOU WANT, AND I STAY OUT OF YOUR HAIR. OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND.
AND NOW?
NOW YOU ACT LIKE I KILLED ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS OR SOMETHING
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS?
IS IT? BECAUSE IF I DID, YOU TELL ME WHICH ONE IT WAS AND I'LL GO GET YOU A NEW ONE JUST LIKE IT ONLY TELL ME WHY YOU DO THIS.
[beat]
.... oh wow... thank you for stopping.
i knew that you were reasonaWHATTHEFUCK WHY ARE YOU STARTING AGAIN WHY WONT YOU JUST TALK TO ME
IT FEELS LIKE A LARGE TONGAN MAN IS DROPPING A MEDICINE BALL ON MY FACE AS WELL.
[pause]
oh my dear lord. WHY IS THERE A GODDAMN TONGAN MAN DROPPING A MEDICINE BALL ON MY FACE. im not even going to ask you to stop ANYMORE I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHY.
WHAT HEINOUS CRIME AGAINST LIFE HAVE I COMMITTED TO DESERVE THIS PROMETHEAN TORMENT. PLEASE MERCIFUL LORD JUST TELL ME WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyy
[end transcript]
and so on and so forth.
you know, despite the miracle of having an AB who can speak apparently without the physical organs and such-like that are traditionally required to do so, it's quite depressing to know that your AB is stupid.
I mean, far be it from me to belittle any body part, but were I an ab capable of speech, I wouldn't be wasting my time talking about tongan men or family members or such (?!?) I'd be saying things like,
"Hey chrisfung, did you know that if Stomach got this specific mix of nutrients, that you would gain the ability to breathe a noxious gas that is capable either of rendering other humanoids unconscious, or into a laughing fit so strong that they are rendered incapable of thought for the remaining duration of their natural lives?"
but you know, you can't choose your family, or your muscle composition apparently, and I suppose I'm stuck with my stupid ab.
WHile we're on the topic (not really, but I need some way to segueway out of this mess I've found myself in) alot of you faithful readers might be wondering what has been keeping my good self away from your side/specialist medical appointment/cake-consuming
If I have not seen you for a period of less than one month, sorry yo, new job, tell you more about it over a banana smoothie.
If I have not seen you for a period of one month to one year, then I regret to inform you that i have either:
stolen a vast quantity of your cash and am unsure of whether or not I am suspected/had sexual relations with a female that is directly related to you or a close personal friend/ while inebriated performed one or more bodily functions within a space that may have been your home/car/personal office/letterbox/ have been unable to see you for to do so would blind my heart with affection and distract me from my crucial tasks at current which I see as contributive to a BETTER LIFE.
Speaking of which; it is true that I am now a full-time employee of STARCITY. I am a poker dealer. It is also true that this year and the year after I am devoting to full-time BETTERING MY ABILITY TO GET INTO WAAPA.
What this means is, all of my efforts will be geared towards either getting money, using the money to better my understanding of dance, time spent on crafting a body that can rival the competitors that I saw last year at the final call-backs.
SO SAYING, I will leave you readers with this final thought.
Time spent wishing is time wasted, I am tired of wanting a better body and not making plans to do anything about it. I am going to write here a list of the things that I will do in the next 7 days. This list is going to be populated with the kind of things that if I continue and make a habit, cannot but contribute greatly to my physical goals.
But building habitual action is hard. So I'm just going to take it a week at a time. Starting with these next 7 days.
Here is my list.
4 x 90 minute dance classes with SYDNEYDANCECOMPANY
3000 SITUPS
1500 PUSHUPS
30KM RAN
If you share my hate of your own planmaking, but then making and ACCEPTING your own pansy ass excuses to not do the work that you actually want to, then I ENCOURAGE YOU, make a similiar list.
It doesn't have to be a month in the future.
Just 7 days.
What do you want to accomplish in the next 7 days?"
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