TTAN - Those are the initials for 2009.

I'm gonna be double posting, cos there's too much to say =(. 


Who can honestly say 'I actually know the in's and out's of Mo and Josh's 2009?'  I was a bad guy in 2009; I put in a grand total of 1 point of effort to maintain my friendships with high school friends.  In that sense, uni was a real pain.  Most of our grade would probably have been faced with a similar dilemma.  Anyway, here's an opportunity to cheat and gain a little insight into the life of Mo and I in 2009.


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lol super anticlimax.  lol and lol.  Where to begin?  Well, one thing that defined my 2009 was pretty horrid work ethic.  Sads.  It was pretty shocker.  Chi can testify to that.  Last semester, Chi and I had a MATH1903 tutorial after our Stats lecture.  Without fail, one of us would convince the other not to attend the tute.  And it wasn't like we were mentally drained: all we had done in the Stats lecture was watch Lex play Pokemon on his iPhone.  Another running joke was the number of Physics lectures I had attended compared to a Girraween guy called Trent.  For more than half the year, Trent had attended more Physics lectures than me.  Fortunately, in the end, I outstripped him; however, it doesn't say much 'cos Trent didn't actually do Physics =(.

However, poor work ethic did free up a lot of time to talk with our new found Baulko and Girra buddies, eat food and play pool.  Let me give them a quick introduction to the Girra, I'll do Baulko in another post:


Girra people:

• Chi - well, you should know him quite well.  On the first few days after meeting him, Mo was eating some Cheetos, and Chi said in disgust: 'What are you doing Mo, those are mine!'  Chi's-balls = Cheese Balls = Cheetos.  I loved it; Mo was significantly less impressed.  I think he was disgusted at Chi admitting his balls were made out of cheese. 
  
• Trent - one has to meet him to appreciate him.  Also, if you're playing pool and you pull a Trent, that means you've hit the cue, it's gone in the opposite direction to where you wanted it to go, but nevertheless you sink 2-3 balls.  
• Aimy - she is a top-notch girl.  Her name is Aimy, not Amy (not that I have anything against Amy) AND she can rap FOTC's Hiphopopotomus vs Rhymenoceros AND she plays DotA.  Is this what love is?

In pool, there's a healthy rivalry between Girra and Ruse.  One thing I should note is that the Girra people are far FAR better than us in pool.  For example, we had been playing for about half an hour, and girra was up 4-1 in games.  Normally at this point, Joon would call for the next game to be the 'Ultimate Winner' game, which simply meant "We're getting trounced, but if we win this next game, the past is forgotten and we win everything."  This was a concept sported by Jimmy Kim back in Year 11, as an excuse to play a final round of 500 after the bell had rung for the end of lunch.  Anyway, during the 'Ultimate Winner' game, Joon would always claim that Ruse were the Mighty Ducks - we lost all the previous games for theatrical effect, only to emphasise the awesomeness of our final victory.  It's a shame that we ordinarily brought shame to the name of the Mighty Ducks =(.  But, whenever we did manage to win the 'Ultimate Winner' game, Joon would declare to the entire world 'The Mighty Ducks never lose', and the question would be raised 'Why did you even play against us?'  Good old Girra.

Anyway, the moral of that story is CHTATL.  If you understood that (and don't lie to yourself), hurray, you have been thoroughly brainwashed and I lol at you.  Chi should balance his travels with practicing pool so he is never embarrased by Joon again.  That's the last of my moral stories.  (For a little while).

Gotta go, more to write!

Josh

P.S. Regarding Mo's post, I deny any allegations he has made, especially the washing bit.  Dont believe him!  Mo = oM = 0.5 (MooM) = 0.5(MoM - 0) = 0.5 (MoM) = 0.5 (Mask of Madness) = 0.5 (Generally bad item in DotA, but liars will say it's always good item, even on Zeus) = 0.5 (Liar) = Liar [rounds up].  It's a good thing I always show my working out - hurray for good Maths teachers like Mr Perrins.  Otherwise Mr Woodhouse would've attacked me with a red-pen-cross on my face.

Wealth in the wood

Good afternoon,

Contrary to appearances, this blog is actually a two-man effort. Except one of the men is a cyber mickeymouse man who just leeches cyberspace. (hint: not me). So the poor old lebrechaun has no chance to get his HITIDIDDLIDINGEYAYAHAHA shillelagh into action.

A bit about mosh.

My name is mo, I run this show, I'm from the snow, didn't you know?

His name is josh, he needs a wash, and wants your dosh... so don't give it to him.

Josh has had enough of the limelight now, so it's my turn. More about mo:
- I like beards.
- I like footy.
- I like beards.
- I like rally.
- I like beards.
- I like rap.
- I like beards.
- I like beards.
- I like beards.
- I like women.
- I don't like women having beards. That's gnarly.

Now, what can you expect from me? Well as long as this dota-playing gold coast dentist has internet, it's going to be him doing most of the talking. And we have to be good to our mr. vice captain and let him talk, otherwise he unleashes his hidden toothy fury (not that i can't handle it, i'm just saving my energy for when i need to epically rescue cats out of trees for hot sexy ladies). But you will see me from time to time, giving you the perspective on the world you all should pay money for (hence the upcoming ads). And you'll also see Chi mentioned sporadically in our posts.

That's it, I have to go now, more to come later.

Have a nice day,
- mo

Racism against Asians: Hong Kong says no.

Greetings fellow earthlings.  I don't know why I went the sci-fi route today, but it did feel promising.

I'm slowly learning more about this interesting place I like to refer to as Hong Kong, which was greatly aided by following Kenny and Arthur in their travels.  Chi would definitely be proud.  During our travels, Kenny and I agreed to re-enact the famous self-explanatory game-show 'Spot the White Guy/Girl', popularised during the mid 90's in Hong Kong, as a public outcry against Pauline Hanson and the policies of the One Nation party, with the slogan "Whatever Pauline Hanson can do, we can do better".  The Chinese have always been a competitive race, and a new political party "Yellow Nation" created spin-offs from the game show, forming the less innocent 'Bash the White Guy/Girl', followed by 'Abduct the Non-Yellow child', and finally the most sinister version, 'Sell-products-at-twice-the-price to Non-Asian Scum', a game which continues this very day.  It was due to these terrorising games that Pauline Hanson threw in the towel and turned from her racist ways.  Sorry for the history lesson.  At the end of the day, Kenny scored 27 points, which outshone my respectable score of 24.5 points.  I still believe my score deserved bonus points, 'cos of the sheer difficulty of obtaining half points in the game.   

At the sight of a Caucasian child, I was severely tempted to claim further points by participating in one of the latter spin-off games.  However, I decided to choose life over points.  I'm only human.

Couple of other things happened of note:

• I refered Kenny and Arthur to Damien's blog, which can be found here (highly recommended); don't be alarmed by the content warning.  I won't spoil it for you, but Kenny is loving it lol. 
• Tried to order lunch in English with Kenny's assurance that the lady could understand me.  Obviously, I didn't believe Kenny, and this lack of faith resulted in my English slowing down to Matrix bullet time, so eventually Kenny butted in with his super fluent Canto. 
• All the posters on the walls have Asian people on them, not skips!  It's amazing.  Couldn't stop laughing. 
• We walked into many gaming/anime stores.  Arthur said they are generally owned and run by gangsters.  What the gay, sorta ironic that the gangsters are surrounded by cute dolls and random figurines.  I tried my best to avoid eye contact, but it was inevitable =(.  Stupid ironic gangsters.

It was a great blessing to see Kenny and Arthur yesterday, both who I haven't seen in yonks.  May even see them later today. 

I've recently been asked to bring back a pair of nunchucks from Hong Kong, since I'll be leaving HK tomorrow.  Unfortunately, I'm fearful for my life, and cannot fathom taking them through customs.  They'll whip the nunchucks out and nunchuck me back to Australia, whilst shouting 'What chu doing with these nunchucks, banana boy (How racist of him, just cos I dont speak Cantonese)?  They are not for kids, brother, they ain't no toys, brother!'  I wonder why the man is speaking like a black man.  Anyway, I'll get the nunchucks if you can prove you're worthy of wielding them to the calibre demonstrated by Bruce Lee:


After, you must challenge me to a duel.  Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

This has been a very Asian-centric post.  I've been in Hong Kong for too long. 

To wrap up, if anyone from Maths 2 is reading this...SHATNER!  (But it's 10 better when it's started by the borderline inaudible whisper of Fatty, sads : < )

Josh

p.s. now I miss Mr Perrins, what a legend.  All who agree, say I!

For those who fail at poker. Yes, I'm looking at you Chen

Okay, I've received a small amount of back lash for insulting Hong Kong.  Oh yes, paying tribute to our glorious leader, Mao.  Okay, all good, all done.  Hong Kong definitely has its pros.

1. Hong Kong has a great communist leader, Chairman Mao.  Put as number one 'cos Mao is number 1. 
2. The food.  It's asian, it's great, and it's ridiculously cheap.  Like wow, lunch costs $2 AUD?  What the gay?  But it's not so good if you don't know the general etiquette.  Yesterday, dad and I went to Yum Cha for lunch.  Two ladies also joined our (we were at a table for 4, there's no concept of personal space in Hong Kong restaurants).  So me and my dad have already ordered food and everything when they arrive.  First thing they do is put their cup, inside their bowl, and pour tea all over it.  And we were like what the gay?  what are you doing? Of course, I said it out loud in english.  Fortunately, my dad could translate it for me.  They told us that they pour hot water over the over the cutlery and bowls etc to clean it.  But they kept laughing at me for doing strange things e.g. eat off the plate, instead of out of the bowl.  But, after I heard about their cleaning procedures, the bowl seemed a bit suss, and the plate looked marginally cleaner =(.  
   
3. Transport.  I've heard rumours of how convenient it is.  It'll get you from point A to B faster than you can read this sentence.  I promise I'm telling the truth.
   
4. The locals.  Even though I'm essentially a freak of nature to them, they are still really really nice to me.  Then again, I dont exactly know what they are saying, but at least they are saying it with a smile on their face.  Or is that a smirk?  
5. Friends.  I just found out Kenny and Arthur are in Hong Kong!  Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm not alone, hurray.  That in itself makes Hong Kong at least 10 better.  Unfortunately, so Kenny would come grab me from the hotel, instead of me going to him, getting lost and insanity ensuing (as detailed in a previous post), I promised to name my third child in his honour =(.  But fortunately, due to Mao's one child policy, there shall be no third.  Hurray for the iron grip of communism.

Right now, loving Sting.  Listen and let it sooth your mind.  Also, the guitarist kinda looks like the Green Goblin from Spiderman.  Google tells me they are different people by the names Dominic Miller and Willem Dafoe.  I am not that easily convinced but.    



For those who are bad at poker,  pay careful attention to this song.  Have you ever thought whether the spades are the swords of a soldier?  Well...yeah!  You should.  Think about it.  I know I have. 

Relaxed enough?  Now lets ruin all that peace and tranquility and positive chi energy with a game of Super Mario Brothers!


Let's do this!  Let's do this!...You have to jump at the start??? lol and lol. 


Anyway, apparently, Kenny will be arriving shortly.  Awesome.  Now, if, perchance, a hot halfie comes our way, Kenny can translate and his soothing voice will woo her for me.  At least thats once of the Can'tonese problems out of the way.

Unfortunately, the moral of today's story is about Chi energy: Tasty on the lips, but adds to the hips.  That's why Chi has to travel across the lands to maintain his superb physique.

Have a nice day,

Josh

p.s. Regarding the post 'Taking the bridge to Wiseman's Ferry', here's my attempt to elaborate on Mo's post, 'cos if you understood that post, I would have to respectfully ask you to leave the building, you filthy liar.  Via the wonderful world of Bored Aussies, Jono and James firmly decided that the word 'dog' was insufficient to cover the degrees of dogness.  So we established a little system:

do1 = hardly dog, just a little pot-shot.  Or, when something slack happens to you, but it can't be pinpointed to a specific source.  Example: You're stuck in Mr Chandra Handa's 2 unit English class for year 11 and 12.  That's just do1.  Bad luck kiddo.  Unfortunately, that kiddo was me =(. 

do5 = dog.  just dog.  Example: Someone organises a gathering, like watching a movie, and you end up being the only one who turns up.  Now that's do5. 

do9 = maximum dogness.  Super duper dog.  One wouldn't even think before they say do1.  Do5 is a more charged with anger and spite.  But, before one declares do9-ness, one must consider the magnitude of the wrong done to them.  One may say someone is do4 ugly, but to say do9 ugly - even hardened criminals would be weary of commenting in such a vulgar way, lest they suffer a rasengan to the face.

Back to the explanation.  As a result:

60p = the inverse of do9.  completely not dog.  It's so un-dog, it's on the verge of being kind. 

Since 60p also equals 60 pence, add 39 pence and you get a microwaveable pizza.  And once again, the world marvels at Mo's propensity to see things in a retarded, and money-hungry way.  When the ads arrive, you'll understand what I mean...

Anyway, Jono and James may disagree with my interpretation of the dog scale, feel free to correct me.

p.p.s. For all those playing at home, you had better draw a card now, or suffer a double ping...

You put the can't in Cantonese

Hong Kong.  Allow me to give you a run-down of my first impressions in this great land.  Also, salutations to our glorious leader Mao.  (CRAP did I say it too late?  That's just gaybar.  Don't ping me again for talking!).

a) Ran into Nestor and Larissa Ho whilst collecting baggage.  Haven't seen Nestor in an ages, last time would have been when we were learning about the 'apex rule' with Mr Iverach hahaha.  Small world, isn't it.
b) Taxi driver which made it feel like we were constantly 20 kms over the speed limit.  However, he was legally under the speed limit, according to his speedo at least...
c) Once we reached the hotel, plugged in the computer, ready to blog about my trip to Hong Kong!  Then realised 12:30am in Hong Kong was 3:30 in Sydney =(.  Once again, I've been thwarted by the Earth's tendency to spin on its axis.
d) Last but not least, it is a very sad sad situation to walk around the streets of Hong Kong without knowing a word of Cantonese.  Makes the world feel like a big place.


Anyway, on the plane trip up, I began to ponder about girls.  In particular, I was thinking about the concept of having a girlfriend outside your 'weight range'.  See, I don't think it's fair to say a girl is 'too hot' for another guy, which is how the concept of weight range or league is commonly used.  That's freaking superficial.  However, in my opinion, there definitely exists girls who are technically out of a guy's league: girls who are taller than the guy (that's not superficial at all).  Man oh man, you definitely put the man in manliness if you can get a girl who is taller than you.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but girls will generally not even consider a guy who she looks down upon, in either sense of the phrase.  By the way, I'm not talking single centimetres here.  Twenty centimetres or over, and a girl must visibly tilt her head downwards to talk to you and risks neck injury in the long term, as the chance of neck injury is directly proportional to disparity in height.  Date a Jessica Alba, or a Cheryl Cole; not bad...I guess?  But if you can date a girl whose legs reach into the stratosphere, then, brave knight, I salute you.

If you actually read that, I lol at you.  lololol.  Unless you read this first, and thus did not even attempt to read the paragraph above.  Then, I'm just sad.  Not tricked at all =(.

Back to the topic of this blog: the importance of speaking Cantonese when one visits Hong Kong.

-There's a hot halfie girl on the train.  But you can't talk to her, because you CAN'T speak Cantonese.  But that's not too bad, because apparently, I'm forbidden to have a girlfriend until I'm 23 courtesy of Joy =(.  Let me offer you another one.

-You're lost, and forgot to bring a map.  In Australia, if you're desparate, you'd ask someone on the street.  But, what a shame, you're gonna have to set up camp on the streets of Hong Kong because you CAN'T speak Cantonese.

-You're hungry, and are dying to have a prawn dumpling at Yum Cha, but you've forgotten it's called Har Gow.  Unfortunately, you're belly is going to have to go without the delicacy, and decides to produce extra HCl to chew away at your stomach lining in order to punish you for your incompetency, because you CAN'T speak Cantonese.

-You're lost again (not too good at geography), and you forgot a map again (forgetful much?), so you decide to build up the courage to string together some bits of Cantonese.  However, your accent is so bad it makes the passerbys think your speaking in Arabic, and jump to the conclusion that you're a terrorist.  You better use your arms to cover your head, cos you're on a one-way ticket to Disney "get-beaten-up-by-angry-HK-baton-wielding-policemen" Land, because, guess what, you CAN'T speak Cantonese (properly).

-You're required by law to dunk your head in the nearest toilet, because you CAN'T speak Cantonese.  Chi better not be lying to me about that one. 

The moral of the story is simple:
a) Learn Cantonese before entering Hong Kong, or they will kungfu your ass, big time, in one or many of the above ways.
b) Chi has travelled across the lands.  It's true, he speaks Mandarin, not Cantonese.  But his travelling exploits require no introduction, and serves as an important lesson to us all.

Wow, its 2:20 here, which means its 5:20 in the beautiful land I like to call Australia, where no one is discriminated against for imcompetency in Cantonese.

Would love to stay and chat, but my head hurts =(.

cya later,

Josh

Taking the bridge to Wiseman's Ferry

Mo, Josh and Chi all agree that to go from maximum dogness inverted to a microwaveable pizza, you must add 39 pence.

Forming common ground

Hello world!  I don't know you, and you probably don't know me.  So let's form some common ground! 

My name is Josh, nice to meet you.

...

...

This is normally the part where you would say "I'm _____".  Not the talkative type?  That's ok, I don't mind doing all the talking.  Bit of a shame however.

I've got some explaining to do.  See, Mo is the cryptic type, he likes keep things in the dark.  The tall mysterious guy lurking in the shadows.  Unfortunately, I'm the short Chinese guy who makes a habit of turning the lights on and ruining the atmosphere, only to reveal that Chi is also in the room.  As a result, I'm sad, Mo is angry and Chi is concerned for his safety.  (Why is Chi in the room?  I don't know either) .

Actually I do.  Chi has travelled across the lands.  Trust me, he has.  It's the beginning of 2009, and Mo and I are sitting in the Chemistry Building, doing MATH1901 at Usyd.  Theres at least 2 things wrong with the previous sentence.  Anyway, time passes, and we get to know a Girraween guy called Chi.  Amongst other things, though these other things pale in comparison, Chi is particularly adept at travelling; across many lands.  He also searches far and wide, but this comes secondary to his travelling prowess.   This, of course, refers to his ability to scab homework and assignments from various sources.  A standard conversation would involve:

Josh: So, anyone started the MATH1901 Assignment.  (slowly turns head to focus on CHI)
Mohammed: Nah, but its due tomorrow right? (body rotates so CHI is in his line of sight)
Joon: Dang, serious, I've got a stupid Yr 10 kid to tutor tonight. <mustering courage> What about you Chi?
Chi: Ok, fine, I got it off Dave.  But you guys owe me!

Throughout the year, this conversation was repeated on many occassions, with the name 'Dave' substituted with many other colourful characters like 'Paul', 'Peach', 'Pumice' and 'Punch', and the subject 'MATH1901' replaced with 'physics', 'economic', 'chinese' and 'superhero training'.  I promise I'm telling the truth.  Ok, maybe not 'chinese', I shouldn't stretch the truth.  Bad Josh.

Anyway, the moral of the story is:
1. Chi has travelled across the lands.
2. Don't study chinese at university.  It's hard :(.  Just ask Joon.


More morals of stories will come with new installments of this blog.  So read more!  We would love for an audience to follow our lives vicariously.  However, we have experienced failure one too many times in our lives, so we won’t be getting our hopes up.  And when I say ‘we’, I mean ‘I’.  

This is a happy blog.  Only a small portion of our posts (1/1000) will be sad and/or emo, and to prevent young children stumbling on these posts and reading its depressing content, they will be concealed in invisible ink. oOoOoOoOo. It's for the children, not 'cos of my fondness of invisible ink...oOoOoOoOo!  On the other hand, the vast majority of our posts (999/1000) will be happy/UNCEASING ANGER VENTED TOWARDS UNSUSPECTING SOULS.  More the former, than the latter, but the latter may eventuate nonetheless :(.  Yay! ... for those who are not unsuspecting.  I like those odds.

Signing off,

Josh 

p.s. speaking of travelling, I'm gonna be doing some travelling of my own.  Hong Kong and Singapore await me for the next two weeks.  Hopefully I can put up another post, and we can meet again across different timezones.  Who would have thought.  Who would have thought indeed.   

i'm starting a skimountaineering institution

good evening

what will follow will be the greatest thing to grace this earth.

once we get it going.

right now, its not the greatest thing to grace this earth. but Rome wasn't built in a day. the ceasefire in Ireland wasn't brought about in a week. I was not made in my mother's womb in just one month.

no greatness comes slowly. it takes another 8 months to fashion it properly.

so in 9 months time, myself and josh will have given birth to an amazing blog.

conception begins now.

have a nice day
-mo