A Guide to Mo's

Odinga

Hi

I can't believe we haven't shown this:



That was for you Chi.

Now, before I start, I'm sorry to say that blogs don't suit me. The way I see it, people blog about their life and such, right? But you can only blog in your downtime. Now my life has been so interesting that I don't get time to post. But, once I do find myself bored, I'm too bored to remember what I did that was so exciting. So you get not a lot from me. Don't worry, Josh has lots of quantity. I have quality. Ok no that's a lie, individually, Josh has quantity AND quality, I have neither. So mosh has quantity and quality. And since mosh is an equal representation of mo and Josh, and Josh has more posts, the quality must lie with me.

So collectively, I have more quality.

I have a galah. It's quite fun. Any galah keeping tips?

Winter olympics: Awesome. I love curling. I love snowboarding. Shaun White makes me jizz more than Torah Bright does.

Jethro is awesome. Because I'm too lazy to embed it, search up "Jethro Comedian" on youtube.

Uni is starting again. Hurray for essays and assignments and allnighters and avoiding-eye-contact-with-people-you-know-but-don't-want-to-talk-to. Actually I won't do that last one so much.

No uni is good, but holidays are better.

Finally to keep with Josh's theme of what he wants in a girl, this is what I want:
-Hot
-Doesn't sit all day on youtube watching crappy tv shows

Ok, buzz off now.

-mo

The Highs and the Lows

Hi, hi, and HI.  Oh sorry guy at the back, hi to you as well.  My manners have gone down the drain recently. 

Speaking of hi's, I've been thinking about the inevitable highs and lows of life.  I know we all hate phrases that are heavily overused and beaten to death, especially ones which are used to describe the ups and downs of life.  And when I say all, I mean everyone except me.  'Cos life is like a rollercoaster. lololol.  One day, everything goes your way, and you're going up, and up, and up so high you need an oxygen mask 'cos breathing is getting difficult.  Then BAM everything begins to turn sour and before you know it, your parents die, your sister gets cancer, your dog dies, you failed your maths test, your english test, your chem and phys test, not to mention your eco test, Mr Dunkerley kicked your butt for failing the most important subject in the world (eco, duh), you pass PE (but I didn't even study...) even though you really needed a legitimate reason to drop PE, you get dumped by your girlfriend and you lose all your friends.  Then, in a fit of rage, you burn the school down, you bomb the university, you nuke your suburb (your sister is safe in a hospital, dw), you attack John Howard with an ACME bomb, you get scouted by the US for your bomb expertise (that sounds like a good thing...no wait it isn't), you place bombs under the World Trade Centre and explode them when the 'terrorist' US-piloted planes crash, which makes the Trade Centre crumple ridiculously uniformly, straight down (and that's the true story behind 9/11, I promise).  Not only this, but now you have to vomit because that descent from the heavens was almost vertical and you aren't too good at handling rollercoaster rides anyway.

Luckily, my life isn't so bad.  But, there have been some highs and lows.  Just in the last week, there's been highs and lows.  Allow me to illustrate:

HIGH!: Chinese New Year!  Lots and lots of yummy food.

LOOOOOW:It was cold and rainy on Sunday night after church.  I think I got a cold.  Boo hoo.

HIGH!: David Chandramandakumar (as Gan put it) came to touch last tuesday!

LOOOOOW: My calf muscles and quads were sore afterwards =(.  Boo hoo.

HIGH!: Two days ago, Chi asked me to guess what he did that day, and added the hint 'it would make you proud of me'.  Obviously my answer was "did you travel across lands?".  He said "I also did that".  LOL.  Wow, you just can't afford to underestimate this guy.  Not only did he travel to Ajey's, but they played DotA there!  lololol.  And yes, I was very proud. 

LOOOOOW: I didn't get to travel across lands and play DotA =(.  Boo hoo indeed.

HIGH!: Holidays means all the time in the world to watch Scrubs!

LOOOOOW: Whilst watching Scrubs, I found something which was truly low.  Things aren't much lower than below a man's belt, and not many things are as vulnerable or sensitive either.  But seriously, it's a mega low to hit a man below.  I have a habit of involuntarily going into the foetal position when I watch this clip. 



Pick the guy who gets smacked in the crutch not once, but twice.  Excrutiating.  And very do8.  So very do8.  Moral of the story: wear a top hat.  Somehow, that guy avoids the pain and shame of being violated down low.

And this brings us to our 'Getting to know Mo' segment!  Though Mo may be strong, having vorked out in ze gymnazium with Arnold Schwarzenegger approval, he is still vulnerable to being kicked in the balls; however, VJ is quite immune to such an attack.  Also, Mo may or may not go for women who look like the one in the above video.  (I'm guessing he would.  I'm actually quite sure of it). 

But things always end on a high:

HIGH!: I didn't end up like the hypothetical guy on the rollercoaster.  That's a good thing.

Okay, that was sorta a let-down HIGH!, but it's still legit.  I maintain that things usually end up on a high.  Hm.  It feels good to be simply content with how things are going, even though you know something bad may come around the corner.

Well, as long as the bad thing around the corner isn't something like 'WHAT THE HELL CHI ISN'T TRAVELLING ANYMORE?  WHAT THE HECK DO WE DO NOW???  ARE YOU SERIOUS, WE ACTUALLY HAVE TO RENAME THE BLOG?!?!' 'cos once that happens, it's a short road to the hypothetical guy on the rollercoaster.  And that's not good.  That's not good at all.

But in all seriousness...if Chi stops travelling, this blog must come to an end.  

Okay I lied.  We may continue the blog even if Chi stops travelling, as a means of drawing him back into the light of truth so he may once again adopt his area of expertise: his travelling, which he studied in the University of Sydney and gained a double major in 'B Travels (Across Lands, Women's Hearts)'.  With great power comes great responsibility Chi.  I really really really love overused phrases =). 


Okay, I'm outsies, catchya later,

Josh

Something special for all the ladies in the world...

Wow.  Listened to a very strange talk on relationships yesterday at 'the connect'.  Good old Derek, making the talk not awkward at all.  In looking for a potential spouse, Derek listed out eight factors which were abosolutely (was editing, noticed this typo was very Politically Incorrect: PI) necessary according to the Bible.  So, immediately, you'd think 'Okay, Christian relationships talk, we've gotta put our thinking caps on to figure this one out'.  Well, you thought wrong.  He really put the S in the KISS principle.  Not just the 'simple', but more the 'silly/stupid/sssssss-ridiculously-awkward-things-only-Derek-would-think-of'.  This was the list, titled 'I can only marry someone who is...':

1. Human
2. Opposite Sex
3. Single
4. Legal Age 
5. Not blood relative
6. Christian
7. Alive
8. Agreeing to marry me

I mean, I was concerned hearing the first one as 'Human' (what the heck else do you want to marry), but when I heard #7 and #8, I nearly fell off my chair.  What the hell?!  Seriously lol.  All you med students, you better not be eyeing that cadaver...you dirty, dirty child. 

So to all you human christian single ladies of legal age, who are not my sisters or female cousins, and who are most importantly alive and consenting...hi I'm Josh nice to meet you.  lol. 

lol, you go Derek, you go.

Just talked to Mo about USyd people possibly playing brawl at his house.  He said tomorrow may be the only good day, commenting that it would be ultra late notice.  This lead to:

Joshua says:
i cant make tomorrow
haha
but i like ultra balls
they catch me good pokemon

mo says:
i prefer dusk balls (H)

Dusk balls?!?!  Man, I'm really out of the loop with pokemon.  One of my friends from church agrees with me on this point.   He asked some kid he saw on the train playing pokemon 'Hey you're playing pokemon!  Did you start with Squirtle, he's the best'.  Then the kid said, 'What the heck is Squirtle?'  He was shocked and amazed.  How can you not know Squirtle, but know what a 'Mudkip' is?! (if that is in fact its real name)  Sad times. 

Anyway, enough about pokemon.  This post is supposed to something special...for all the ladies in the world.

That brings us to our newest fact about Mo: He is not gay, but is into ladies!  And, I deny any allegations that I made this entire post purely to say Mo is into ladies.  'Cos that would just be childish.  But I'll say it once more, he's into ladies.  You can call him on 1800 MO N LADIES, it's a free call.


Okay, that's it for today.  Have a good day!

Josh

Politically Incorrect: PI

I was having an MSN conversation with one of my friends the other night.  For the sake of anonymity...we'll just say it was Chi.  Anyway, I mentioned it would be a strange day when someone I knew got married.  However s/he begged to differ, and thought it would be quite cool, even awesome.  In an attempt to show the error in his way (did I just say his?), I asked whether it would still be 'awesome' if the first marriage was a gay or lesbian marriage.  This prompted the following (unfortunately, I can't copy paste, 'cos blogspot starts to whinge about 'form error'.  So I'll just type it out):

Person who may or may not be Chi says:
 no to gay weddings
 i will rephrase
 jsut for you

Joshua says:
 lol
Person who may or may not be Chi says:
 itd be really cool if one of our friends had a healthy, normal, problem-free, perfect romance wedding soon
Joshua says:
 LOL

Person who may or may not be Chi says:
 [stuff which may reveal this person's identity]
Joshua says:
 hahaha
 u just brought the gay and lesbian revolution back a few decades
 with ur arguably obtuse use of the words 'normal' and 'perfect'
 to describe heterosexual relationships

You are probably reading this and thinking 'What's wrong with what Chi said?  I mean, the person who may or may not be Chi'.  There's nothing wrong with it.  Other than the fact that, to me, it fits the category of Politically Incorrect: PI.  (It's also quite gaybar)

One occured on the train home from church yesterday.  A group of teens behind me were talking very loudly about God and the Bible.  Clearly they had studied the bible with great care, as one guys (who had the whole gay voice thing happening) pointed out that 'God' backwards was 'dog' (was very tempting to inform them about the dog-scale), told one of the others they were going to hell and said the devil was an angel who lost his wings.  If I had a Bible handy, I would have contemplated giving him an old Bible-slap on the face for his Politically Incorrect-ness: PI, and make him repeat after me 'God is not dog, but you are do6!' over and over until he reached his stop.  But, I'd probably get deported from Australia for being a weirdo. 

Probably the majority of Politically Incorrect: PI moments occur during the innocent game of pictionary.  After the CBS talk, we crashed Josh Lau's place, and played a variant of pictionary, subtlely named 'Chinese pictionary'.  There are no winners and losers to this game; this provided a good reason to not participate (what's the point then...).  Anyway, as a participant in the game, you are handed a stack of scrap paper, and you write a word or phrase on it.  This is placed at the bottom of the stack, then passed to your neighbour, who reads this and then tries to draw it as best they can; then it is passed to their neighbour, who tries to identify what the gay is going on in the picture.  This process continues until it reaches the original person.  Anyway, Lorraine (a UNSW med person I met for the first time.  James made a mega lame joke: Who's fault is it for the Australia's drought? Lo-rraine) put 'farmer performing artificial insemination on a cow'.  Since this is a family friendly blog, I cannot provide details.  But the pictures which were drawn - not family friendly in the slightest.  They could also be described as Politically Incorrect: PI. 

Speaking of Chinese (note: must improve segue subtlety skills), after staying in Asia for so very long (two weeks/19 years = 0.002 of my lifetime.  I don't know why I even did that calculation), coming back to Australia has gotten some getting used to.  I still chuckle at the mere fact that people walking on the street are Caucasian.  All the ads don't have asian people in them anymore.  The locals gamble with cards, not tiles.  Did I mention the black hair deal?  What's with that?!  Not a good adapter to change, I must say.  Now I feel sad...

But this is a happy blog!  No more sadness.

Anyway, I came across this ad again, and it made me feel a whole heap better.  lololol.  It even provides a moral of the story at the end of it, how awesome.



And this reveals another thing about my surprisingly quiet co-writer, Mo.  He's got Irish blood running through his veins!  Tune in next week for a new fact about Mo!  (This will stop once Mo puts up a post.)

Am I allowed to disclose this information?  Please don't hurt me Mo =(.

Okay, I'm out.  Seeya later!

Josh

A race? I thought you'd never ask.

Okay, my laptop is on 20% battery life, and I have to charge it before it hits 7%.  Plenty of time to finish a post.

Since touching down on Australian soil, I've realised that time really is not my friend.  I've got a little under two week before I leave Sydney.  So, most of my time will be dedicated to:

1. Organising to meet friends
2. Catching up with friends
3. Playing Wii Brawl with friends
4. Other things

So #1 was successfully implemented, thanks to Ajey offering his humble abode as a meeting ground.  However, as for part two of the plan, Chi took this literally, and started running away from me so I could catch up with him.  But Chi failed to recall his travelling prowess has resulted in the development of superhumanly massive quad and calf muscles, making the concept of 'catching up' quite impossible for mere humans like myself. 

And crap, we're on 14% battery.  I blame you MSN!  Signing out.

To continue down the list, #3 was also unsuccessful, because nobody brought brawl =(.  That's okay, maybe we'll play brawl at someone else's house; and when I say someone else, I may or may not be referring to the co-writer of the blog.

I must admit, my sadness at this revelation (no brawl) soon subsided, when Ajey informed me that he had set up a 2v2 DotA LAN downstairs.  I could have kissed him at that moment.  Not gaybar at all lol.  After playing for a bit, more people began to turn up, and we realised we should leave and socialise.  Okay, I half-lied, we realised this, but didn't act on the realisation: we kept playing until the game finished.  As if leave a game unfinished, that would be plain wrong.

Oh no, a phone call interruption, brb. 11.5% oh noesies!

Anyway, the rest of the people who showed up were Baulko and Girra people.  Of the people you guys know, Aimy, Cass and Trent were also present (alphabetical order; sif I show favouritism/prejudice).  It was cool in itself just to see them, chat to them (more stories from Cass), and ask how much DotA/HoN they had been playing (Aimy and Trent, cough cough).  It was a good day out, besides the fact that Pendle Hill is really far away from where I live =(.  Oh oh, and the curry rice thing Ajey's mum whipped up was super nice.  Thanks for organising Ajey!

Okay, 9.1%, not cool, but I think we'll get there.

On Wednesday, went to CBS summer edition, which is pretty much dinner plus a talk.  One of the images made me laugh.  The image was of Christians being sheep of the same flock (pretty common biblical image), and that we should be 'flock thinkers', not 'selfish sheep thinkers'.  Too hilarious, I don't know why.  I could imagine one of the sheep being put on trial:

Shephard: This sheep is being a 'selfish sheep thinker'!  What do we do with selfish sheep?
Sheep: ...BAAAAAA-BAAAAA-BAAAAAAA
Shephard: ...That's right, sheep can't talk.  Okay, I say we remove him from the flock!  All in favour, say I!
[silence]
Shephard: Well?
Sheep at the front: ...baaa?
Sheep in unison: BAAAAAAA-BAAAA-BAAAAAAAAAA
Shephard: Frick how did I get stuck with a bunch of sheep?

So the moral of this story is to study hard at school, children, so you won't get stuck with a bunch of sheep.

However, I count myself as a sheep.  And Jesus is my shephard.

Shameless Christian reference lololol.

Ok, its on 6.8%, better charge up this laptop up. 

Seeya guys later,

Josh

Home Sweet Home

Hello hello.  Arrived in Australia yesterday; it felt like the shackles of Communism had been removed from my wrists, and the loaded shotgun of democracy had been placed firmly in my shaking hands.  It's good to be home. 

To wrap up my trip in Singapore, my uncle took my Dad and I to a touristy thing called 'Night Safari'.  Not my kind of thing, really.  I'm not much of an animal lover; however, I concede that the pair of raccoons were quite adorable.  However, they taught these otters to do recycling.  I almost feel compelled to report this to the RSPCA for 'wasting the precious time of unsuspecting animals'.  It's just not practical nor warranted.  Did they drink a can of coke then dispose of it unthoughtfully, Mr 'Night Safari', if that is your real name?  I don't think so =(.

We proceeded to hop onto an open tram thing.  To open, the lady gave the generic announcement which involed 'turning off the flash on your phones and cameras'. and not to make too much noise.  Immediately, a baby behinds me 'coincidentally' begins to cry.  What a champion.  You go baby, you go.

There are some really whacked up animals which exist in this world.  One creature quite literally looked like a freak surgery case, where a black ant-eater and a similarly sized beige guinea pig had been chopped in half (separating head and tail, not slicing the animal's face in half; that would be messed up and do5), and the head portion of the ant-eater had been seamlessly sewn to the tail half of the guinea pig.  It's confusing, I know, 'cos now you may be thinking 'So, same deal for the left-over halves, or not?'.  A mystery indeed.

Speaking of indeed (not a dodge segue in the slightest), now I have indeed travelled: to Hong Kong, then Singapore, and back to Australia.  I know Chi is proud of me, and I just imagine his smiling face.

Do you guys know what Chi's smiling face looks like?  Well, I don't have a photo of him; however, I'm sure Mr Leunig certainly had Chi at the forefront of his mind when he created this piece:

 

It's quite an accurate portrayal of Chi.  Yes, Chi likes birds.  Of the female variety.  He also enjoys Chi tea.

Okay, we'll call it a day 'cos I must admit, I am le tired =(.

Josh

'Uh, no wait. I lied.' - a quote from the honest Strongbad

Alright, so I lied.  I'm gonna post again.  But I'll make it super short.  Kinda super short.

If you wanna see the quote in action (warning, you may find this intensely lame.  I love it lol):

So yesterday, we had lunch with Dr Tay and two other of my dad's highschool friends.  Both the guys were doctors, and nice guys.  When asked by Dr Tay regarding what I wanted to eat, I was severely tempted to purchase the 'Burgersaurus' (described with brevity as a 'mini chicken burger with fries'), but, even surprising myself, I opted in favour of the Beef He Fen.  I regretted that decision, I really did. 

Dr Tay offered us some stories about his Med School days.  Firstly, he noted that he hated studying, didn't turn up to lectures, and loved to play Mahjong like 24/7.  Also, he said 'When exams came, I PANICKED!', and said he always relied on the test being a multiple choice question paper lololol.  Somehow he passed the majority of his exams - one of his school friends then retorted something in Chinese, which translated to 'Blind chicken pokes beak and gets the worm', with regard to his insane ability to guess the right answer lol.  Once, the dean had a chat with him about his marks.  The dean said 'We've been monitoring you', which made Dr Tay think 'How?  I never go to class, I just play Mahjong'.  According to Dr Tay, it was a cycle consisting of Mahjong during semester, panic during tests, and hiding in toilet when exam results were released.  lol, after saying this, he was like 'Joshua, you're not to listen to any of this, right?'  Of course, I put his mind at ease.  lol and lol at Dr Tay.

Went to have a family dinner with grandparents, uncles, my cousin Shawn and his companion Vanessa.  I'm so not asian, did not appreciate the seafood at all; it's just not worth getting your hands all dirty just to eat crab.  Vanessa, who boasted a passion for food, was seriously offended, so I quickly added 'For me, Vanessa; it's not worth it for me.'  Hurray for postmodernism and subjective truths, saved me twice this week, probably more times.

After, joined Shawn and Vanessa for clubbing.  Frick, Vanessa also has a massive house.  While waiting for the two of them to get ready, I was looking at the pricy items in her room: Macbook, a Wii with rockband, a mounted flat-screen television, a good bed (sorry, maybe I'm just poor).  When we got to the club, dang, they are a well-connected pair; we just waltzed in, by-passing the enormous cue, got in for free, and went straight to the restricted guest-list table.  But even in this restricted zone, it was ridiculously packed.  Yeah, it was interesting and kinda fun, but definitely not my kind of crowd, and is definitely not the kinda place to talk to a girl.  So yes, I have failed you, faithful readers.  I didn't fail the anonymous commenter however.  It's ok, had no intention of toying with someone's emotions anyway; although I may have deceived you into thinking I was super good looking with the ability to woo girls who can speak English (darn you Cantonese, darn you), the illusion must now be extinguished.  This requires both a =) and a =(.  Maybe in the future, I will be able to slay a few dragons then get the fair maiden, who hopefully is kung-fu-punching her way out of the castle so we meet halfway, share stories of our travels (Chi would be proud), then discover true love.  And that will be the end of that chapter...hopefully the anonymous commenter will also approve!  

Also, based on the amount of smoke I have inhaled, I would not be surprised if I get lung cancer.  Sadness ensues.  Darn you smoking, and your insidious means to kill not only the smoker, but everyone else who dares cross their path.

Okay, best be off.  I've learnt my lesson, I won't say there will not be another post.

Dang it, should've really taken that burgersaurus...

Seeya on the other side!

Josh

The Red Pill or the Blue Pill

Howdilly-doodily neighbourino.

Watched an episode of 'The Simpsons' for the first time in many months.  However, it was a new episode, and the quality was severely compromised.  It was a mere shell of its former self, back in its heyday. 

Likewise, I currently feel like a shell of my former self.  The days in Singapore seem long and drawn out at present.  I really don't have the impetus to do...anything.  However, as unfortunate as it may seem, I've been challenged to, get this, do something, even though I don't want to do anything.  How outrageous is that!  But, such is life.  In situations like these, you can either take the red pill or the blue pill.  This is where our friend Morpheus comes in.  Gotta love the sunnies.

[If you don't know what I'm talking about (deprived child), by all means, stop reading, get a copy of the Matrix and watch it.  The world will be a better place, I promise.]

    a) Blue pill: Stay the way you are, and embrace lethargy.  Don't fight the inevitable: you'll end up sitting on the couch eventually, so you may as well stay one step ahead of fate.  

    b) Red pill: Get the hell up!  Take on the challenge which has been presented before you, gallant knight, in spite of the dangers which may befall you.

It's the age old choice between good and evil, right and wrong, fight or flight, exercise or sleep, dentistry or law, Josh or Mosh.  Clearly, we obviously want to choose the correct path (definitely good, right. exercise, dentistry and Josh), and hopefully slay a few dragons in the process with our sword of justice.  Of course, the decision I must make is not as awesome or heroic as you may think.  It's actually borderline pansy.

I've already detailed the challenge: Ask out a Singaporean (female).  Dang it, why am I straight?  Okay, for many reasons, one being the fact that I do not like penis.  Wait, are there gay men who do not like penis either?  Then, another reason is I like females.  There we go, checkmate. 

Anyway, I'm tempted to say blue pill.  Firstly, it's the nicer option, and involves more couch sitting and tasty snacks.  Also, I don't wanna get epic rejected.  I'm not scared of rejection (if you ask me the same question a few months ago, and I probably would have responded otherwise); however, I'd prefer to avoid getting rejected.  I just have a weak heart.  Is that a crime?  Let's hope not, I'll have a heart-attack.  Furthermore, Chi had a terrible day after taking so-called 'initiative' and deciding to travel, bike style.  Poor guy.  The world, and good old fashioned logic are both telling me to take the blue pill. 

Despite all these signs telling me to take the blue...wow, that's the first time I actually got to see the pill.  I must say, it looks mighty tasty, and I'm mighty hungry.  Maybe I should have Wonton Noodle Soup with essence of blue pill... 

Oh my...would you look at that...

That red pill looks even more palatable!  Dang, I sure would love to have Red Pill Chicken Laksa with a cup of Barley drink on the side.

Yucky.  Note to self, don't make important decisions when you're hungry.  Also, a good friend once told me, never shop for food when you're hungry, or you'll spend $70 on groceries and buy yakult.

Well, a man's got to eat, that's what my father always says (at heart, a very practical man).  I think this provides me enough reason to take the red, and opt out of the blue.

There really must be a better way to say that.  Until then, sigh, I think I'm going with the Laksa...I mean red pill.  But now, what's the game plan?  How to approach this challenge?

...

...

lol at anticlimax.  This post serves to emphasise my severe boredom and laziness, expressed in a long and drawn out fashion =(.  I am really le bored.  Also hungry.  This will probably be my last post whilst overseas (Chi is proud of me for travelling, I know it), so have a great weekend + Monday!  Hopefully something interesting happens before I leave Singapore.  Also, if I find such an awesome girl as detailed in the previous post, please focus all your energy into supplying me wit and charm.  It works just like a Spirit Bomb, I promise =).  Until next time!

Josh

IT'S-A ME!!

HALLO! It's-a me, Ninten"Mo" Elo"Mario", and-a today, we're gonna look at-a some of my best adventures! Woohoo!

First-a up, this one!




Oofa silly me, I almost forgot, I need-a to acknowledge the uhh... unfortunate-a passing of my beloved brother Luigi, after dying from AIDS... very-a tragic. But uhh, just between you and me, I heard he got it from... how do you say... 'relations with animals'.

Anyway! Okay! Here we have a video of a grand reunion!... But I barely remember this guy.



Oh-hoho! And here-a we have a lovely holiday vacation video from me and Peach's honeymoon!



WHAT, SEX TAPE, TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF! HOW DID THAT GET THERE! MAMMA MIA! OHHH NOO! NO ONE IS MEANT TO SEE THAT UNTIL NINTENDO HAS TO RESORT TO USING THE WII REMOTE FOR, UHH, STIMULATION!



WHAT! I'M DEAD TOO! AYE-AYE-AYE! This is too much-a for me-a...

Date? It's the 5/2/2010.

Howdy partners.

I must admit to Mo and Fung, I lost.  We were having a MSN conversation yesterday/early today.  Fung and Mo perfectly executed a 'Reverse somersault and kick-Josh-in-his-unprotected-non-steel-nether-regions'.  While our conversation originally began on the topic of Sam's Ramen challenge (I am so sorry Sam : < ), it quickly turned to my dating history, and suddenly arrived at 'Josh, can you please ask out one of the Singaporean locals to dinner?'  I knew time was of the essence, so I quickly retorted 'Can I not?'  In these tenuous situations, answering back quickly throws them off their game; it's as if you expected them to ask the question.  Also, it's particularly important that you fight questions with questions, because it bamboolzes the opponent and makes them lose their balance; hopefully, they will fall over, hit their head and forget they even asked the revolting question.  However, this did not happen =(.

A huge argument of magnificent proportions ensued.  Fung's argument was two-fold:

1. There's no consequence.  Go up to her, ice-break etc and get to know her.  Then, tell her you're only gonna be in town for a few more days and would like to take her to dinner, no strings attached, with the aim of eating good food, getting to know the other and have fun. 
2. It offers 'good exp'.  Granted, the relationship is going no where, but it offers both of you the dating experience, you can make mistakes with no real repercussions, and ultimately, any experience is good experience. 

Of course, I had a two-fold counter-argument of my own.  However, it is fair to say mine was much more simplistic than Fung's.  It's complicated, so I won't dwell on it; however, in essence, my answers to his above questions were:

• No thanks
• I don't agree

I just flicked my eye to the television, to see my uncle watching a kung-fu movie with a woman fighter putting up a good fight against her male opponent.  That would be pretty epic if my girlfriend could fight awesomely.  Then, if an axe-wielding foe dared approach me, I could call out 'Darling, I'm in trouble!', and then hide behind her crane-style kung-fu as she systematically disarmed the man then crane-style palmed his nose repetitively until he ran away, looking even more girly than myself. 

Anyway, I have nothing much to say about Fung's proposition.  Yes, it offers a potentially fun experience, and yes, there are no observable consequence.  However, it just seems wrong, I don't know why.  So, what to do?  How does one balance the head with the heart?  I've come up with a potential resolution.  'Cos it feels so wrong, I'll go on a date, under the circumstances that she is:

• Good-looking
• Sense of humour.  Even retarded sense of humour, just give me something to work with.
• Intelligence.  Most Singaporeans are reasonably well educated, so I'll let this one slide.
• Christian.
• Assertive.  Isn't a doormat; won't put up with unreasonable crap.  

Not an extensive list.  It's within reasonable bounds, I think?  Oh, I forgot a few things:

• When I said good-looking, I actually mean hot beyond belief.  When I ask 'Did you just fall from the sky, because you look as glorious as an angel', I must actually believe every word I utter, and believe this question, within reasonable bounds, will be answered 'Yes, how could you tell?', in which I will say 'You're hotness is beyond belief...lololol.'
• Can sing like an angel.  Girls with a beautiful voice can constitute super hot.  Sure, it may be hard to show you can sing when one is in a crowded and noisy club, but this means she must also have:
• Initiative.  Shows she takes initiative by creating the opportunity to sing!
• Like/appreciate something strange.  But not too strange, otherwise I'll be forced to back away...very slowly... Something like an Anime, DotA, blogging, Arrested Development etc; something I wouldn't expect, and thus is interesting to talk about.

And thats about it.  Oh wait, no, I lied.  She should be 168cm tall (it's ok, I'll bring my trusty measuring tape, not awkward at all).  And, one would presume she has had specialise super-hero training, so she can fly me around the world.  Oh, and it would be good if she's in the process of transferring to Australia.  Otherwise I'll never see her again, and that would make me sad in my heart.

Oh wait, one more thing: she should be a ninja.  Then she can protect me, just like the kung-fu girl from before, since ninja are masters of all kinds forms of combat.  

It's possible.  Ok, maybe a little unreasonable; just a tiny bit.

You, the faithful readers, must all think I am childish.  However, I must insist I can be very mature and serious when situations dictate its necessity.  Oh, by the way, loving the fact that all the drinks we've bought in Singapore are consumed with straws; it's super awesome to blow bubbles into my soy bean drink =).  

Okay, this mature writer should finish up his post.  But, I'll part with you with a question.  Mid way through semester 2 during lunch, Louise pointed out a strange phenomenum: guys tend to shower facing the shower head, while girls tend to face away from the shower head.  Which makes more sense to you, and why?  Of course, there are some abnormalities to this rule: Some guys face away, some girls face towards the showerhead, and a small proportion neither face towards nor away, but face in a neutral direction.  I bet Chi is just walking around, changing directions constantly, and wholly uncomfortable with this concept of staying still and not travelling.  I should mention, I do not consider this 'orientation relative to shower head' indicative of one's sexual preference.  Not at all.  Unless its true; then, I claim this as Mosh's Marvellous Measurement of...Mexual preference (it's hard to find other valid synonyms : < ).  It also begs the question: what the heck is Chi and how does he roll...

Anyway, best be off!  Have a good 5th Feb 2010, you're only gonna get one of them ever (Also, it just ticked over to the next day, so all my yesterdays become day before yesterday etc).

Josh

The Name of the Game is Schnapps...***

It has been brought to my attention that I have failed you.  I have failed you epically hard.  Regarding the previous post, I failed...to make a reference to our man of the moment, Matthew Chi.  Look up a dictionary, you'll see a picture of me, with the speech bubble 'I'm sowie, I failed.' 

I'm so sorry.  Time for a cheap laugh:


Notice what he says at the end: 'I didn't stop because of the policing worries'.  And, nor shall I worry about the policing worries either.  That made perfect sense, I promise.  So, time to make amends to Chi!

The name of the game is schnapps.  Can you keep up?  Hard one to follow... ***...***. Still with me?  *** Nearly forgot to do the clicks.  Leave it to me.  ****.  Very close to the end. **.  Listen closely...****. lols, all done! [*'s are clicks]


Oh wait, Chi doesn't know how to play schnapps.  What a rip.  Anyway, when you figure it out Chi, remember, I'm just a messenger, please don't hurt me =(.

Not much to say about the present today.  Just shopping and eating.  I saw two pretty girls driving in a porsche, and thought to myself 'Rich and pretty, what else could a man want'.  Reprimanding myself, I then thought 'Brains, a heart which isn't as hard as stone and cold as ice, and speaks English without sounding like a parakit', and proceeded to slap my face in self-disgust.  How do I keep failing to remember this?  Bad Josh, very bad Josh.

Anyway, Chi and Girra people are only half of the party.  Since 2009, I've updated my definition of 'Baulko people' (previously ugly fire-breathing, child-eating creatures), to a very normal and quite awesome tribe, who have the unfortunate habit of kidnapping children and feasting on their brains (you heard me, brains).  Don't judge them, they are only human like you and me.

• Ajey, formally Agey according to Chi.  lol, Ajey.  That's would be my generic greeting for Ajey; I don't exactly know why.  I think I just find it funny that I, the most unlucky of people (having -15 Luck points), was so fortunate to run into Ajey at uni.  He does the exact same course as me (who would have thought another person would choose something as ridiculous as Science/Law; however, he is enjoying the course, unlike a unnamed person =[, sadness), and he pretty much brought our entire group together. 
• Cass - Good old Cass.  Cass = storyteller.  We concluded that it would be impossible for me to repay the debt of stories I owe to her, considering the millions and billions she has told me.  Also has a 'healthy' rivalry with Joon in pool.  Well, if 'healthy' is defined as eating deep-friend food every meal for 6 meals a day (breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, supper), and you suck on a deep fried chicken as a dummy while you sleep, then yes, its very very healthy.  One more thing: she sees people in colours.  Apparently, I'm yellow; not racist at all, ey?
• Jess - lol Jess.  Mo showed her 'Can I have your number', and as a first reaction, told Mo it was not funny and super lame.  Oh, dayam girl.  Big mistake.  I made it super lame for her, by quoting lines from it pretty much every time I saw her.  lololol.  Oh, also, CHTATL, nothing more to say, other than not suss at all.  lol and lol.
• Sam (she's a girl) - didn't see Sam all that much this year, but when she was around, 'twas awesome.  I remember one time when we were playing pool in particular: I was retelling to Jess, Aimy and Chi the story of Fung's ramen challenge.  Ramen challenge is eating a retardedly massive bowl of ramen (weight of ramen is based on your weight, generally around 2kg of ramen) and the super salty soup in 60 minutes.  After telling it, Sam gave Jess a pensive look, and then said 'What a girl! [i.e. Fung is a girl, I thought it necessary to make that clear; should I reiterate?]  I think I could take that.'  That just made me massive LOL.  Good old Sam lol.  
• Viv - Viv!  My ACC church buddy, who I didn't get to know at ACC.  She's one of those ninja type who people who seem to be simply nice and sweet 'cos they aren't outspoken.  Don't get tricked; as a ninja, she also has the ability to roundhouse kick your butt if you're not careful.  All-round awesome person to be around, and knows how to play CS!  But Viv, why keep headshotting me =(.  Made me so sad. 

Anyway, thanks Baulko people!  You've made my year at least 5 more awesome, maybe 10 more awesome.  I will offer you a young Caucasian child as a peace offering.  I promise it's not the one I abducted from Hong Kong.  Not that I abducted a Caucasian child in Hong Kong.  Who do you think I am anyway?  Why am I on trial??

Anyway, quick story from the past.  Man, I hope that the people detailed in these stories can't sue me for defamation or some dodgy law dealio.  Don't do it, I beg you.

Year 10: Bin Licking Goodness.  I won’t dwell on this story.  Pretty much, Fatty dared VJ to lick the bin, with the presumption that no one in their right mind would take him up on the dare.  Possibly unwisely, he put a $10 wager on it, which may have incited VJ into doing it.  Furthermore, he failed give VJ a full-body physical to check if he had balls of steel.  This may or may not have lead to Fatty’s decision to undertake medicine, lest he suffer another loss of $10 to another steely-balled man.  After much discussion, VJ completed the task, licking the bin outside surface.  Fatty tried his best to back out; he claimed that wasn’t enough, and VJ in fact had to lick the inside of bin; VJ looked at him, then BAM, he licked the entire inside circumference of the bin.  Then lol, Fatty, realising his defeat, fobbed off a ripped $10 note, despite VJ’s amazing display of courage, mind-over-matter attitude and the profound ability to turn off one’s tastebuds to suppress the gag reflex.  I'm also surprised, yet happy, that VJ didn't get AIDS.

Okay, it's late.  Valentine's Day is coming up.  I think a certain someone should be thinking carefully about that.  And don't say 'Shame, Valentine's Day is on the same day as Chinese New Year.  Maybe next year, and I promise I'll be super romantic?'  I promise you will get a cosmic-sized slap on the face on every minute, of every hour, of every day, of 2010.  And that would be a testament to the kind-heartedness and mercy of the girl on the other end.  lol and lol.

Josh 

Haha, stories. I get jokes.

So, what's been happening Joshie?

What the heck?  Who said that?

...

I guess I shouldn't complain; he/she/it is quite well mannered, and I do like the childish spin on my name.  Wait, a second: the only person who calls me Joshie is Moley!  I feel alive doing this detective work; also, this is totally not contrived, I promise.

So, to answer your question Moley, I'm in Singapore right now.  Been surprisingly good as well.  I met this hilarious guy called Dr Tay; he was my dad's highschool friend.  I'll tell you two stories he recounted for me, one short and one long.


So, back when he was a child in Malaysia, healthcare was pretty dodgy, and Chinese herbal medicine was used extensively.  He was telling me how effective it was.  One time, he had a fever, so his mother called in the doctor.  The treatment at the time was quite strange: the doctor would get out coins, and scratch two parallel lines on his chest, fiercely digging the coins into Dr Tay's skin while Dr Tay screamed in pain until visible red lines emerged.  When the chinese doctor asked him 'Has your fever gone away', Dr Tay would quickly reply 'Yes!  All better!!'  How super effective is that technique?  Truly awesome.  Also, Chinese dentists are super efficient.  When Dr Tay went to see the hospital regarding a tooth ache, the dentist worked hastily to tie a string around his tooth, and BANG, took the tooth right out.  The dentist then asked 'Has the tooth ache gone away?' Dr Tay quickly replied 'Yes! All better now, thank you doctor!!!' 


Even in later years, when Dr Tay was practicing as an intern, there were some seriously retarded stories.  There was one patient, who had fractured his leg.  He called over the doctor who was treating him, and told him there was something wrong.  Dr Tay was observing from a distance, as the conversation progressed:


Doctor: What's wrong?
Patient: Doctor, I'm in pain!
Doctor: Where is the pain?
Patient: My right leg! I've fractured my right leg
Doctor: Okay, but we've treated you.
Patient: You put a cast on my left leg!  The pain is in my right leg!


However, the doctor was very smart.  He proceeded to tell the patient that he was wrong; the problem was in his left leg.  After the patient insisted that his right leg was in pain, the doctor asked him 'Are you a doctor?'  Check mate.  However, Dr Tay went to check the X-Ray; the fracture was indeed in the right leg.  lololol.


Dr Tay told us many stories, but this one was particularly hilarious.  Whilst driving, Dr Tay explained to us why he was such a bad driver.  Back when he was a teenager, he wanted to learn to drive, and get his driver's license.  So he rung up his brother, and asked him to teach him to drive.  So his brother said 'Ok, leave it to me'.  For two months, Dr Tay got nothing.  Then, three months later, his brother rings him up: 'Ok, come to the driving centre'.  So he catches a train up to the centre, and finds his brother: 'So, what are we going to do?'  His brother tells him he's gonna get his license now, which prompted the response 'WHAT! RIGHT NOW'.  His brother hushes him, and tells him 'Don't worry, just follow the man's instructions.'  Dr Tay replies 'I HAVEN'T DRIVEN A CAR BEFORE, AND YOU WANT ME TO GET MY LICENCE??'  Eventually, he complies, and goes up to the driving instructor and sits in the car.  The instructor gives him the keys, and tells him to start the engine.  But lol, Dr Tay didn't know where the ignition was.  But, the instructor just continued to fill out papers, and tells him Dr Tay has driven well and gives him his license.  lol, not corrupt at all.


Dr Tay later decided it would be wise to actually learn how to drive.  So he goes to take a course in driving.  The first thing the driver asked was:
'Do you have a license', in which Dr Tay replied 'Yesssssssss, of course I do'. 
So, the instructor told him to start the engine.  lol.  When Dr Tay failed to start the engine, the instructor asked
'Do you know how to start the engine', in which Dr Tay replied 'I forgot.'
Again, the instructor asks 'Do you really have a license'.  Dr Tay replied 'Yesssssssss, of course I do.  Here, it's a Malaysian license.'
After some suspicious glances, he showed Dr Tay how to start the car and move it off the curb.  So, after driving for a while, they approach a light which turns amber, then red.  The instructor tells him to stop; Dr Tay went right through the red light.  So the instructor shouted:
'WHAT THE HELL, I TOLD YOU TO STOP!', in which Dr Tay replied 'I forgot'.  In fact, Dr Tay did not know where the brakes were.  So, the instructor pulls on the handbrake, and makes the car come to a halt.  He asked:
'Do you know how to drive or not?'  So he decides to confess 'This is my first time driving.'  The instructor nearly fell off his chair, and after composing himself, he asked:
'How did you get your license then?', in which Dr Tay replied innocently 'Why, it's Malaysia.' lololol, you go Doctor Tay, you go.

My gosh, was laughing for 10 minutes straight on the car trip up.

Okay!  Story from the past!  Following the whole medical trend (dw, it's a short story):

Year 9: The curious case of Jimmy Kim.  Somehow, Jimmy was able to break two of his limbs, one after the other, separated only months apart.  You probably think I’m sadistic, but trust me, it was just so ridiculously unlucky and unfortunate.  He managed to break his right arm whilst playing soccer (ball coming at him; instead of kicking the ball, he kicked a blade of grass, lost balance and broke his fall with his arm; sad yet punny).  After recuperating from this injury, he was playing basketball and managed to break his leg playing basketball (performed an AFL style ‘specky’ to catch the ball, returned to the Earth awkwardly).  Jimmy now involuntarily flinches when he see footballs, basketballs, plasticine casts and anything which is bent out of shape.  However, he has since undergone 'medical' surgery to make his nose razor sharp and straight; possibly a coping mechanism. You know I love you, Jimmy.

Ok, I'm off, gonna finally see Avatar/Pocahontas in 3D with my uncle!

Josh

P.S. Is the $5 Australian note really purple in colour?  Dang, I've been overseas for too long =(. 

Past and Present Unite!

After hanging out with Kenny and Arthur two days ago, and reminiscing over years past, I was inspired to recount some stuff from my highschool days.  However, there's still stuff to be said about stuff happening in this stuffy city I like to call Singapore.  So, the next few posts will be a pairing of past stories and current events. 

So let's start with the present.  Arrived last night in Singapore at 10:50pm, and I'm staying at my uncle's place.  He's a cool guy.  No joke.  He's a reformed stock broker, has heaps of these random tycoon friends he tells me stories about.  However, he also nearly went bankrupt some years back, but still picked himself up and got rich again.  Now, he's semi-retired, and deals in Asian art as a past-time.

Last night, he was telling us all these stories about how the business world is fail.  But, on story in particular was very much the definition of awesome.  It was a story where the banks actually lose: this was of special interest to me, as I had been taught well by Mr Dunkerley: Banks = legalised mafia (think about it, you know he makes a good point).  So, one of my uncle's friends is a Indonesian tycoon.  From his businesses, he had roughly $10 milion USD debts with 5 banks.  He rung up my uncle, and asked him to tell the banks that he was about to die.  This is a technique called 'hair-cutting'.  Essentially, if dead, all the debt becomes immaterial, and 'the papers become toilet paper', as my uncle put it.  My uncle would tell the bank "He's about to die', and advise them to cut their losses: reduce the debt of $10 million USD to $1 million USD or thereabout, payable immediately.  It's hilarious, cos the bank does panic, and does comply with this agreement.  Take that banks; evil doesn't pay.  It actually costs you roughly $9 million USD each.  However, this sends a bad moral lesson, that one should pay back evil with evil.  Sadness.

Anyway, Singapore has just been a delightful combination of stories from my uncle, and lots of food.  Lots and lots and lots of food.  The resemblence between my body and a beach ball will be uncanny.

Now some stories from the past!  Hurray

Year 8: Hanjoo and Friends Happy Hour.  
It was a lunch time, and Hanjoo had broken his pinky finger from messing up a catch on a rugby ball bombed up into the air.  So we crowded around him after he hit the ground, not knowing the extent of the injury at the time.   However, a smile crept on Howard’s face, and he announced “Haha, Hanjoooooooooooooooooooo!  Get up, you’re not hurt!”  In Howard’s defence, many of us started to doubt whether Hanjoo was indeed telling the truth.  Nevertheless, we should all learn a lesson from the moment which followed: Whether or not you believe the person, if a person claims to have injured his foot, don’t grab at his foot; if he claims his neck is injured, don’t touch his neck.  Similarly, if a person claims he has seriously injured his pinky finger, don’t attempt to pull him off the ground by forcefully grabbing his hands.  A deafening roar of pain was unleashed and next thing you know, Howard is running for his life from Hanjoo, with Howard shouting “SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY!”  I was just amazed at Howard’s quick reaction time to commence his bolt prior to the primal roar, but right after Hanjoo’s face scrunched up and eyes screamed in pain. 

Year 8: The ‘I Love School’ program.   

The school supplied us with a whole heap of bumper stickers about slowing down for kids in school zones.  In our science classroom, a whole bunch of discarded stickers were on the tables in the back row.  Bored and tired from a gruelling day at school, Fatty and Michael decided to make a game out of putting these stickers on Mr Ballantyne’s back.  In their defence (I feel like such a law student), Mr Ballantyne was well-renowned as a lazy guy with an indifference towards pretty much everything, save for Diablo II (which is an AWESOME game, mind you).  Well, Mr Bal did not take this well at all; we postulated that he took this stunt as a shot at his weight, because we think there may have been mention of ‘wide load’ on the bumper sticker.  Mr Bal asked for the people to own up; it’s especially funny ‘cos I'm pretty sure Michael didn’t own up, making Jit take the fall for him.  Jit, you are a good man.  Whilst venting his anger, to the extent Mr Ball can actually vent anger (he didn’t even change his tone of voice), I’m pretty sure he said something along the lines of ‘One or two stickers is just having fun; three stickers is taking it too far’.  lol and lol.  Anyway, Jit and Fatty had to undertake the ‘I Love School’ program, which involved school service, signatures from parents acknowledging their 'enrollment' into the program, and getting teacher's signatures on a weekly basis to monitor their behaviour in the class.  Though my memory is a bit hazy, I recall Ashton Kutcher coming into the classroom, just to say 'You just got ILoveSchool'ed!'  Stupid celebrities and their excessive time and money to come to our humble land just to attack Fats and Jit. 

Hurray for the powers of past and present combining!  Is that Captain Planet?  Oh, it's actually Chi.  How does he keep up his travelling exploits whilst being such an active environmentalist?  I don't know.  I just don't know.

Anyway, sorry about the lateness of this post.  I've been out since the last post unfortunately; however, I did promise a double post.  This is as close as I could manage.  Seeya later!

Josh

P.S. My cousin took me to see the match between Federer and Murray.  lol and lol at Murray, I thought he had a chance in the 3rd set.  Epic tie-break, loved every minute of it.  Thanks for taking me Shawn!