Haha, stories. I get jokes.

So, what's been happening Joshie?

What the heck?  Who said that?

...

I guess I shouldn't complain; he/she/it is quite well mannered, and I do like the childish spin on my name.  Wait, a second: the only person who calls me Joshie is Moley!  I feel alive doing this detective work; also, this is totally not contrived, I promise.

So, to answer your question Moley, I'm in Singapore right now.  Been surprisingly good as well.  I met this hilarious guy called Dr Tay; he was my dad's highschool friend.  I'll tell you two stories he recounted for me, one short and one long.


So, back when he was a child in Malaysia, healthcare was pretty dodgy, and Chinese herbal medicine was used extensively.  He was telling me how effective it was.  One time, he had a fever, so his mother called in the doctor.  The treatment at the time was quite strange: the doctor would get out coins, and scratch two parallel lines on his chest, fiercely digging the coins into Dr Tay's skin while Dr Tay screamed in pain until visible red lines emerged.  When the chinese doctor asked him 'Has your fever gone away', Dr Tay would quickly reply 'Yes!  All better!!'  How super effective is that technique?  Truly awesome.  Also, Chinese dentists are super efficient.  When Dr Tay went to see the hospital regarding a tooth ache, the dentist worked hastily to tie a string around his tooth, and BANG, took the tooth right out.  The dentist then asked 'Has the tooth ache gone away?' Dr Tay quickly replied 'Yes! All better now, thank you doctor!!!' 


Even in later years, when Dr Tay was practicing as an intern, there were some seriously retarded stories.  There was one patient, who had fractured his leg.  He called over the doctor who was treating him, and told him there was something wrong.  Dr Tay was observing from a distance, as the conversation progressed:


Doctor: What's wrong?
Patient: Doctor, I'm in pain!
Doctor: Where is the pain?
Patient: My right leg! I've fractured my right leg
Doctor: Okay, but we've treated you.
Patient: You put a cast on my left leg!  The pain is in my right leg!


However, the doctor was very smart.  He proceeded to tell the patient that he was wrong; the problem was in his left leg.  After the patient insisted that his right leg was in pain, the doctor asked him 'Are you a doctor?'  Check mate.  However, Dr Tay went to check the X-Ray; the fracture was indeed in the right leg.  lololol.


Dr Tay told us many stories, but this one was particularly hilarious.  Whilst driving, Dr Tay explained to us why he was such a bad driver.  Back when he was a teenager, he wanted to learn to drive, and get his driver's license.  So he rung up his brother, and asked him to teach him to drive.  So his brother said 'Ok, leave it to me'.  For two months, Dr Tay got nothing.  Then, three months later, his brother rings him up: 'Ok, come to the driving centre'.  So he catches a train up to the centre, and finds his brother: 'So, what are we going to do?'  His brother tells him he's gonna get his license now, which prompted the response 'WHAT! RIGHT NOW'.  His brother hushes him, and tells him 'Don't worry, just follow the man's instructions.'  Dr Tay replies 'I HAVEN'T DRIVEN A CAR BEFORE, AND YOU WANT ME TO GET MY LICENCE??'  Eventually, he complies, and goes up to the driving instructor and sits in the car.  The instructor gives him the keys, and tells him to start the engine.  But lol, Dr Tay didn't know where the ignition was.  But, the instructor just continued to fill out papers, and tells him Dr Tay has driven well and gives him his license.  lol, not corrupt at all.


Dr Tay later decided it would be wise to actually learn how to drive.  So he goes to take a course in driving.  The first thing the driver asked was:
'Do you have a license', in which Dr Tay replied 'Yesssssssss, of course I do'. 
So, the instructor told him to start the engine.  lol.  When Dr Tay failed to start the engine, the instructor asked
'Do you know how to start the engine', in which Dr Tay replied 'I forgot.'
Again, the instructor asks 'Do you really have a license'.  Dr Tay replied 'Yesssssssss, of course I do.  Here, it's a Malaysian license.'
After some suspicious glances, he showed Dr Tay how to start the car and move it off the curb.  So, after driving for a while, they approach a light which turns amber, then red.  The instructor tells him to stop; Dr Tay went right through the red light.  So the instructor shouted:
'WHAT THE HELL, I TOLD YOU TO STOP!', in which Dr Tay replied 'I forgot'.  In fact, Dr Tay did not know where the brakes were.  So, the instructor pulls on the handbrake, and makes the car come to a halt.  He asked:
'Do you know how to drive or not?'  So he decides to confess 'This is my first time driving.'  The instructor nearly fell off his chair, and after composing himself, he asked:
'How did you get your license then?', in which Dr Tay replied innocently 'Why, it's Malaysia.' lololol, you go Doctor Tay, you go.

My gosh, was laughing for 10 minutes straight on the car trip up.

Okay!  Story from the past!  Following the whole medical trend (dw, it's a short story):

Year 9: The curious case of Jimmy Kim.  Somehow, Jimmy was able to break two of his limbs, one after the other, separated only months apart.  You probably think I’m sadistic, but trust me, it was just so ridiculously unlucky and unfortunate.  He managed to break his right arm whilst playing soccer (ball coming at him; instead of kicking the ball, he kicked a blade of grass, lost balance and broke his fall with his arm; sad yet punny).  After recuperating from this injury, he was playing basketball and managed to break his leg playing basketball (performed an AFL style ‘specky’ to catch the ball, returned to the Earth awkwardly).  Jimmy now involuntarily flinches when he see footballs, basketballs, plasticine casts and anything which is bent out of shape.  However, he has since undergone 'medical' surgery to make his nose razor sharp and straight; possibly a coping mechanism. You know I love you, Jimmy.

Ok, I'm off, gonna finally see Avatar/Pocahontas in 3D with my uncle!

Josh

P.S. Is the $5 Australian note really purple in colour?  Dang, I've been overseas for too long =(.